Two days ago was a sweet day and today is really crazy and sad for this is our last day here in Japan and it’s very hectic for Big Bang for they are already up early in the morning just to rehearse. As for me, I’m so busy preparing for the wedding, my mother in-law and sister in-law are the ones doing everything for me. The “simple” wedding that G-dragon said is now a pretty grand wedding for we already exceeded our budget and have invited a hundred people already. I can’t believe that we’ve prepared for only a week, I didn’t even feel being a bridezilla.

“Nippy…your phone is ringing” Trish called out and I stopped from cooking.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“Lover boy!” she answered and I rushed to get my phone from her.

G-dragon and I haven’t seen each other yesterday because of their busy schedule. We weren’t even able to talk because he’s so tired and slept right away when they arrived at their dorm. Gosh! I really thought that my trip here in Japan will be fun because I’ll be able to spend it with G-dragon but it turns out to be a little different than I expected.

“Hey honey!” I greeted cheerfully.

“Hey” he greeted back lazily.

“I can feel that you’re tired” I told him and he chuckled.

“I really am…actually…I’m so exhausted right now and all I want to do is sleep” he said.

“You need a hug” I said.

“I really do need a hug and I want you to hug me so tight” he said and it made me smile.

“Gosh honey! You sound so sweet even when you’re so dead tired already” I told him and he laughed.

“What time are you going here?” he asked.

“I’m not sure yet…I’m still waiting for Dami-unni’s call…she told me that she’s going to update me with the wedding preparations…gosh! I’m already freaking out just by the thought of me getting married in a matter of three days” I said and he chuckled.

“Honey…I’m really excited…actually…I already want to get married now” he said and I sighed.

“I’ve been practicing how to write my new name already…and it’s a bit weird” I said.

“I’ve been calling you Mrs. Kwon for a long time already…you should be used to it by now…and honey…your name sounds so good with my last name on it” he told me and I nod in agreement.

Well, I have to admit that this marriage thing is still surreal for me. I can’t even explain how I feel about it. My mind and heart is one in telling me that I’m doing the right thing, but there are times that I lose confidence and ends up asking myself, Am I going to be a good wife to G-dragon? 

After comforting my tired but super sweet “husband”, I went back to cooking and I keep on thinking about my upcoming wedding. OK. I know, that everything seems to be so fast but G-dragon and I are both sure of this, I even asked him if he’s really sure with me already and he just kissed me and said without second thoughts “Yes, I am so sure of you”. I wonder what my dad will say about all this.

“Nippy…your sister in-law is calling!” Trish said and handed me my phone.

“Hello unni?”

“Hey Clarise!” Dami-unni said.

“Hi” I greeted.

“How’s everything going there?” she asked and I sighed.

“Well…your lovely brother is so busy…while I’m freaking out because of the wedding” I answered and she laughed.

“I know that....Jiyong told me yesterday that you have so many worries….Clarise…I’m telling you….Omma…your mom and I are doing everything for this wedding to be  a success” she said and I smiled.

“Mom is already there?” I asked.

“Yes…she didn’t tell you? She arrived three days ago” she answered and I suddenly feel so excited.

“Really?! Gosh! I wanna go home now” I told her and she chuckled.

“You’ll be going home tomorrow…by the way…I showed your mom a picture from your pre-wedding photoshoot…and she really got so emotional…she cried so hard” she said and I feel like hugging my mom.

“Everybody became so emotional…even Jiyong…tears were falling down his cheeks when he saw me in that wedding gown” I told her.

“Well…same here…we cried when we saw the two of you wearing a tux and a gown…Omma cannot stop bragging about it” she said and I giggled.

“I’m so thankful to you and Omma….without the two of you…our wedding will really be so unorganized” I told her.

“We are so happy to be a part of this….Omma is so excited for the wedding already...Appa is on the same page as well” she said and I smiled.

G-dragon’s family is so supportive of us and when we told them that we have decided to get married already, they never stopped telling us that they are so eager to help with everything. Omma even updates me every day with the preparations.

“Everything’s set already….the wedding hall is already booked for Friday and we have a caterer as well...Omma was the one who picked out the flowers and your mom will be in charge of the program...I heard that YG sajangnim gave you and Jiyong a very expensive gift…what is it?” she asked in an excited tone.

Well, YG sajangnim is really like a father to G-dragon and he gave a gift that we really wanted. He called G-dragon days ago just to ask if a European honeymoon trip is fine with us, of course G-dragon and I went wild upon hearing it. YG sajangnim will be giving G-dragon a week off from work for our honeymoon and I can’t wait for it anymore.

“It’s a European honeymoon trip unni” I answered and she gasped.

“OMO! That’s really great! At least You and Jiyong will have some time alone and I’m really wishing that once you come back from your honeymoon…you will tell us that a baby is already on the way” she said and I smiled by the thought of it.

“Unni…I’m so looking forward to that as well…Jiyong is so excited to be a dad and I really want to make him happy by giving him a son or a daughter” I told her.

“Clarise…don’t pressure yourself too much…I know Jiyong is so pushy in getting you pregnant…but it’s still up to you…if you’re not ready for a baby yet…tell him…I’m sure he’ll understand” she said.

Actually, I’m still in between of wanting to have a baby and not wanting to have one for now. I know that being a parent is so hard and it takes a lot of skills to be a good mother. I’m a bit nervous that once we already have a child, my life will turn out to be like some mother’s out there who doesn’t have social life and our relationship will be boring for we are just focusing on our kids.

“I don’t know unni…I’m still in the middle of things” I said and she sighed.

“But…are you really sure that you want to get married?” she asked after a long silence.

Am I really ready? Well, I am. I know that everything in our relationship is rushed. We hooked up so fast and after a few months, here we are, getting ready for marriage. G-dragon is the only person who made me change for the better, he was the one who taught me how to love and it’s enough to make me say that I’m ready to marry him, I’m ready to live forever with him.

“I am unni…it’s just that…I have fears but I know this fears will soon be forgotten as time goes by” I answered.

“What are those fears?” she asked.

“Well…what if I’m not a good wife? What will I do if one day…Jiyong will just tell me that I’m not the woman that he pictured as a wife? What if I’m not a good mother? Will I be able to give whatever my family wants?” I said and tears are welling up.

“Clarise…Jiyong will not ask you to marry him if he didn’t picture himself with you…as a matter of fact…he has dated a lot of women all these years and he has never asked even one of them for marriage and that is because he’s not seeing them as a wife material…it’s only with you that he seems so sure of…of course…being a mother is not easy and there are times that we will fail in that job but…it takes time to be a good one…I have confidence in you sister in-law…I know that you will be a good wife and a good mother…I know that you can do it” she said and it made me smile.

Maybe I’m just thinking way too much, maybe I’m just scaring myself with all those fears. OK. From now on, I will just let things be, I will not even think of things that will just make me go crazy.

“Thank you unni…you don’t know how those words mean to me” I told her.

“That’s nothing!” she said.

After all the drama, we went down to business already. Dami-unni is really reporting everything to me in detail and she even uploaded pictures of them preparing and it made me smile seeing my mom and G-dragon’s mom bonding happily while choosing flowers that will be used on the wedding. The wedding hall is so beautiful and it really looks so classy. Everything is already set and it builds up my excitement.

“Nippy…how’s the preparations going?” Trish asked after I hang up.

“Well…everything’s in place…and mom is in Seoul already” I told her and her face lit up.

“Really? Oh gosh! Aunty must be really excited…she’s suppose to go to France right?” she asked and I nod.

“I feel bad for her actually” I said and Trish looked at me curiously.

“Why is that?” she asked.

“Her trip to France is really important…she will expand her restaurant there and she has planned for that trip for a very long time already…and now…she can’t go because of the wedding” I told her and she smirked.

“Nippy…business is not important…YOU are more important than money” she said and I nod in agreement.

“Gosh! You’re getting married in three days! Imagine!” she said and I chuckled.

“I know…it’s still surreal for me” I said and she nods.

“Same here….but nippy…I’m happy for you…I know that this is all you ever wanted…this just proves that love can really take you far…the girl who is once a player is now going to be a wife…can you still remember before…you always tell me that marriage is not for players like you because you’re really not for keeps” she said and I chuckled.

“And I’m not the type of woman who wants to be tied down….and I will NEVER let any guy manipulate me” I added and she nods.

“You ate your words nippy” she said and I nod in agreement.

“I know…I just realized that…I’ve tried so hard to look strong in front of these men and I don’t need their love…but the truth is….I just need someone to teach me how to love and I didn’t expect that I’ll surrender to love in just a snap” I told her and she sighed.

“I told you…the guy for you has