“What will you do if I’ll tell you right here…right now…that I love you?” he asked and I smirked.

“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into…all I’ll do is brush it off from my mind and pretend that you didn’t tell me that” I said and he looked at me seriously.

“What’s wrong with me?” he asked.

“Actually…there’s nothing wrong with you…you’re a beautiful person…inside and out…it’s me who’s got a lot of problems and issues…I just can’t deal with love…and I’m better off without it” I told him and he holds my hands.

“I’ll help you solve those problems…just don’t tell me to stop loving you” he said and I laughed.

“You’re this serious? Look…I don’t know what I did to make you fall in love with me…but one thing is for sure…I’m not the person you think I am…I have deep and dirty secrets hidden inside my system…and I’m so sure that once you learn each one of them…you…yourself will leave me…and I don’t want that to happen…coz that will truly ” I said and he looked at me, confused.

“Well…tell me those “deep and dirty” secrets…let’s see if I can take it” he pushed and I shook my head.

“The reason why it’s called a secret is because I don’t want anybody to know about it” I said and he sighed.

“You know what? This being in love stuff is making me crazy…let’s just go back to the hotel and rest” I added but he just ignored me.

I’m good at this. I’m good at hurting men, but why am I the one being hurt this time? All I want to do right now is hide in one corner and cry. Seeing him being confused and broken pains me. Why? Why is it hurting me?

“Look…I know that this is really insane and rude but this is not right…I still need to change a lot of things in myself and accepting you will just stop me from changing fully” I said and he looked at me.

“I think that everyone can change if the right person comes along….and I think I want to be that right person…I want to be that person that can change you” he said and I chuckled.

“It’s not easy to change a person so tainted….dirty and totally wreck like me…I don’t even think that I can change myself…please…let’s just forget that this happened and move on with our lives” I told him and walked away.

“Wait…OK…let’s just pretend that this didn’t happen and all of this is just a nightmare…c’mon…let’s go back to the hotel now” he said and I followed him to the car.

The trip back to the hotel is really full of tension and awkwardness that was the first time that I wished to vanish or disappear. I think, I’ve hurt him already and I’ve hurt him deep. I’m really one stupid girl for letting this happen.

The moment we arrived at the hotel, we looked like two lifeless people. We parted ways without even saying a word and not even a glance at each other. I guess I have to say goodbye to my secret door fun already.

When I entered my room, I immediately went to the bathroom, took a short bath and lie in bed and once again, stare at the ceiling. I don’t know, but I’m waiting for someone to knock on my door and kiss me once I open it. What does that guy has that made me think of him every single minute? This is really not me, I’m not the woman who is playing love like it’s my favorite toy. I’m already the woman who is being played by love.

“Damn! Why? Why can’t I sleep?” I asked myself as I keep on tossing and turning around in bed.

“I’ll lock this door already since I know so well that he wouldn’t even dare to knock anymore” I said and locked the door.

I have a lot of worries in my head and I’m really worried about him right now. What is he doing right this very minute? Is he taking everything seriously? Did I hurt him that much? I may be one heck of a girl for letting that man slip through my fingers, but on the other hand, it’s also great, for he will not have to taste the pain that I bring to men every time I break their hearts.

I promised myself from the very start that I’ll never take love seriously. I’ll play it in every way I can, coz I hate seeing girls cry and I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to be like all the other girls out there who is being slaves of love and have had their hearts broken gazillion times already but is not yet learning their lesson.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(2 weeks after)

“Wake up! Clarise! C’mon!” Charles said while shaking my arm.

“My alarm hasn’t ring yet…cut the crap!” I told him lazily and covered my face with a pillow.

“uhmm…FYI…Big Bang’s photoshoot will start in two hours and you’re badly needed their right now” he said and I jerked up from bed and ran towards the bathroom.

“You’re really one sleepy little sister!” Charles shouted.

What is happening to me? For these past few weeks, I’ve been really lifeless and boring. I lock myself up in our room and goes out whenever I need to go to work. It’s been weeks ever since I went to a club, my body hasn’t tasted alcohol for a long time already. Why am I being like this? Why do I feel so horrible?

As I look at myself in the mirror, I noticed that my eyes are not that sparkly as they were before and I feel like my soul has given up on me already.

“You need to go back to the old you Clarise! You need to get back in the game! Don’t get stuck in one scene of your life! He’s already a part of your past! FORGET HIM! And it’s just that happened between the two of you…nothing more…nothing less!” I shouted to myself.

Yes, G-dragon is still on my mind for weeks and he didn’t even go away. Two weeks ago, a bad/ painful thing happened to us. No. To him. When he confessed that he loves me after that, we live everyday like we’re strangers. It’s actually hard to act professionally when you know that the person you’re working with has something for you and you dump him. It’s hard to think of it but we just have to it up. I have to do what I had to do and that is, to protect his heart from breaking even more. He doesn’t deserve a player like me for he deserves all the good things this world can bring.

“Talking about hotness!” Charles said when I went out of the room.

“What?” I asked.

“You look so hot!” he said and I laughed.

“Here’s the magazine already” he added and handed me the newest issue of the YG magazine.

“Wow! Big Bang is totally hot in here” I told him and he nods.