“Sometimes it’s not the person you miss, it’s the feeling you had when you’re with them”

When you love someone so damn much, your mind will not matter anymore for your heart is going to rule your whole being and even though you know that you’re risking too much, you will not even care for all you want is to be with that person and feel the love once again.

I am risking and I will not even give a damn on anything or anyone for I’ve waited for this moment to come and now that he’s here with me again, I will treasure and hold on to him even just for a while. I know so well that he’s not mine anymore for he’s got someone new already and one night will just leave me in pain. G-dragon and I are doing something that is just so inappropriate and I’m feeling so guilty.

After everything’s done, we just lay there, not saying a word. I’m not a fan of silence, but I’m totally loving it now. It feels so wrong but it seems so right. I know that after this, there is a possibility that he will leave me for good coz he’s got Kiko, or he’ll decide to cheat on her. Actually, I will not tolerate him cheating for his new girl is really the sweetest. I’d rather not have him than be with him when I know so well that there’s another girl waiting for him to love her. I’m not a good in being a third wheel and twisted relationships are not that ideal at all.

Looking at him while the sun strikes on his face is just so lovely. I can’t help but smile while staring at him. He’s still the same, nothing much has changed for he’s still the handsome guy that I’ve loved before. I cannot believe that he’s beside me now. If only he knows how much I long to sleep with him again in one bed. For the first time in a year and a half, I woke up with a happy heart.

“OH!” I said when my phone started ringing.

“OH SHIZZ!” I said when I’ve realized that my left wrist is still tied to the rail of the bed.

I don’t know how I was able to sleep with my wrist all tied up. G-dragon is the one who did this but I’m the one who gave him the idea. Actually, I’ve said that just to give him some peace of mind but it seems like he’s really making sure that I won’t run away from him again. I can’t blame him though for I’ve left him a year ago after a steamy night without even saying a word.

After freeing myself, I massaged my wrist and grabbed my phone right away. I’m trying not to make a sound at all for I don’t want G-dragon to wake up yet for I’m afraid that he’ll be the one leaving me once he wakes up. So, I walked out of the room silently with only a duvet wrapped around my body and sat on the couch.

“Hey Mouse!” I said right away the moment I picked up.

“Hey angel!” she said cheerfully, making me smile.

“Can you not call me angel? I don’t fit that name at all” I told her, earning a loud laugh from her.

“Oh gosh trouble twin! I’m watching the replay of the Victoria’s Secret fashion now and I must say…it’s really a face off between you and Kiko” she said and I gave out a sigh.

“Oh please! Can you not say her name? I mean…I’m not that comfortable” I told her.

I’m feeling so guilty that even hearing the name of Kiko is making me want to go to church and confess my sins. I mean, I just made love to her boyfriend and knowing how sweet and kind she is to me is enough to make me want to get crucified just to pay for what I’ve done.

“oooohhh…somebody’s bitter” Eun hee teased and I smirked.

“I’m not bitter…OK? It’s just that…I’ve done something wrong to her and now…guilt is eating me up” I told her and I can already sense mouse’s curiosity building up.

“Oh my trouble twin! Did you fight with her on the show or something? Coz that is a must see” she asked and I sighed.

“No…we didn’t fight or anything” I answered.

“Then what’s the wrong thing that you have done to her? Don’t tell me you approached her and told her to back off and leave Jiyong…coz if that’s what happened…I will definitely hang up on you and never talk to you again…simply because it’s a really stupid move” she said and I shook my head.

“NO! Why will I even tell her to back off when I don’t even have the right to do that?” I asked and she sighed.

“Then go straight to the point…what is the wrong thing that you have done to her?” she asked again and I slapped the pillow beside me.

“AISH!” I said in annoyance “Jiyong is with me right now and we just had last night” I gave in and buried my face on the pillow.

I know that Eun hee will totally understand and will even back me up in this, but I still feel so stupid for making love to someone who is already taken. I know that it’s too late to even regret it, but I just can’t help not to feel guilty. One more thing, I’m sure that if Grandma is still alive and she happens to learn about this, she will punish me for the rest of my life coz according to her “Don’t flirt or even hook up with someone who already has someone coz no matter how you turn things upside down, you’ll always be in the wrong side of things and once people knows about your affair, they will surely see you as a dirty no matter how good your explanation is”

“OH MY! You didn’t!” she exclaimed, making me sigh heavily.

“I just did…no…WE just did” I said “I don’t know what’s gotten into me…what I do know is that I still love him and I’m so ready to risk everything just for him…even my dignity” I told her and tears started rolling down my cheeks.

“aww trouble twin…I totally understand you…actually…there’s nothing bad in what you did at all…I mean…it is bad…it is so wrong and totally stupid…but…you’re not the only one to blame in this…Jiyong is also to blame for he has let this happen….so if there’s someone who needs to be killed by guilt…it’s him coz he knows so well that he’s got a girl already and yet he chose to you” she said and her last words made me cringe for it doesn’t sound so good at all.

“This is so wrong mouse…I’m pretty sure that Minnie would totally kill me once he learns about this…and I will not even stop him for I deserve to die” I said and she started laughing.

“OH GOSH! Why are you even making this a big deal when truth is…it really is nothing…you had because you are both hungry for each other’s love….it’s not like you had just for fun…man may have discovered fire…but women discovered how to play with it…so just play and enjoy!  One more thing…Kiko should’ve locked Jiyong in his cage for she knows so well that you are there…ready to get what is supposed to be yours” she said.

“Did you know that she went here yesterday just to ask me if I still love Jiyong? I was so shocked for she even bothered to drop by just to ask that” I told her and she gasped.

“Maybe she just wants to know what you feel about him after years of separation or she’s just looking for some pain” Eun hee said, making me roll my eyes.

“What did you tell her?” she asked.

And I ended up telling everything to Eun hee. From how shocked I am that Kiko knows about me and my relationship with G-dragon to how weird she is when she said “Ishi…just thank me if things go well!” As a matter of fact, I’m still thinking of what that really means up until now.

“S