“Live the life you want to live. Be the person you want to remember. Make decisions, make mistakes. If you fall, at least you tried”

You can’t please other people and no matter how hard you try, they will always look for holes in your being or a bad trait that you didn’t even know exists. I know that this is part of being “known” and the people in this industry that I am in have dealt and are still dealing with this up till now. I just wish that there is a training on how to get pass this stage without feeling any pain at all coz honestly, I’m not ready for some haters even if I keep on reminding myself that there are people like them already since day one.

“Why are they hating on me?” I asked while reading comments on a gossip site.

“Why are you reading that in the first place?” Eon asked and I sighed heavily.

“I don’t know…I’m just curious” I answered and he shook his head.

“You’re just hurting yourself…it’s like….you’ve put a gun in your head and is already set to pull the trigger” he said and I just continued reading.

Before my debut, I actually thought that I can handle these kinds of things coz I’m the kind of person who will not even give a damn on what people say, but now that I’m feeling some people’s hate already, I’m deeply affected by it and even though I want to defend myself and speak up, I can’t, for it will just be a waste of time coz I know so well that they wouldn’t even listen.

“Come now Ishi” Eon said and grabbed my phone, pissing the hell out of me.

“EON!” I exclaimed and he just continued walking to Sajangnim’s office.

And with my heavy heart and ed up mind, I followed my dear manager to Sajangnim’s office while trying to change my mood. I don’t know, but the comments that I’ve read really made a huge impact on me to the point that I’m already thinking twice about accepting the We Got Married offer.

“Aigoo…you look so fragile” Sajangnim said upon seeing me.

“Good Afternoon Sajangnim” I greeted and bowed.

“Take a seat” he said and stared at me.

I must say, I felt a little awkward the moment my boss looked at me. It’s like, he’s scanning me from head to foot and he’s seeing something in me that I don’t or haven’t seen yet. This is the first time that he did this to me and it’s freakishly weird.

“Is everything going well in Greece?” he asked and I sighed.

“We are doing well in Mykonos Sajangnim…Eon is taking good care of me…there’s nothing to worry about…plus….the staffs from the drama is really approachable and kind” I answered and he just gave me nods.

“Actually…one of the drama’s unit heads called me a couple of days ago just to compliment you…she told me that you are a really good actress…you arrive on time….memorized your lines and have studied your character so well…she even told me that you can finish a scene by one take only…it’s pretty impressive Ishi” he said and it lighten my mood a bit.

I don’t know what to say anymore for I actually thought that I’m not delivering well during filming. Oh well, I should just be thankful that our unit heads, “the bosses” of the production are impressed by my performance.

“Anyway…have you talked with Jiyong about the job offer?” he asked and I sighed.

“Yes Sajangnim…we have thought and talked about it already….and we have decided to accept the job” I answered and he stared at me again.

Seriously, Sajangnim is giving me the freaks today and I am dying to know what’s on his mind. I actually have a feeling that he has already changed his mind and my decision to be on the show will not matter anymore for he will be the one deciding for me now.

“Ishi…are you really sure that you want to do this?” he asked and I looked at him as if saying “I am, but now that you’re acting so weird, I don’t know anymore”

“Actually Sajangnim…I’m having second thoughts already for I’ve read some articles about me and Jiyong being in We Got Married and the people are not that positive about it” I told him and he gave a nod.

“Truth is…the rumors of you and Jiyong being on the show came out a few days ago and it was said that someone from MBC has leaked it…Hyan Suk and I have seen and even received letters from fans telling us to not let the two of you do the show…but…you know how this industry and the people works…there will always be antis and I know that you are aware of them…thing is…I can see in you that you are not ready for them yet…that’s why I’m worried now coz they can really affect your state of mind and basically your whole being” he said and it really makes sense.

I act strong, I’m trying to be strong and is wishing to be much stronger, but for some reasons, I don’t know if my “being strong” will help me get pass through this. I’m a weakling when it comes to people hating me coz I can’t seem to move freely knowing that they are just lurking around somewhere.

And because of that, my mind is wrecked up once again. As much as I want to stick with my first decision, there’s this voice telling me that I should think twice once again and consider the things that I haven’t considered before. All I know is that, G-dragon will support whatever decision I make.

“Do you want to go home now?” Eon asked the moment we stepped out from Sajangnim’s office.

“Can I visit my friends for a while?” I asked and he smiled at me.

“Alright…I’m gonna let you go wherever you want for today since you badly need freedom right now” he answered and I hugged him.

“Thank you so much Eon…you’re really the best!” I told him and he smirked.

“Yah! I’m letting you do whatever you want…but please…be careful and stay out of danger” he said and I gave him a nod.

I really need to take a breather for I’m too occupied with a lot of things and I really need to talk to my friends coz I know that they will help me decide on what to do with this job offer. Eun hee and Dong min can really straighten my thoughts and wash out the negativity in me.

And with that, I head to Dong min’s office right away. Eon permitted me to drive and it made me feel so good for it means that I can roam around Seoul without my manager watching over me. You see, even though I love Eon so much, there are times wherein I want to be alone coz he’s always beside me for years now.

“Knock…knock” I peeked in Dong min’s office.

“OMO! ISHI?” he said in disbelief.

“YES IT’S ME!” I shrieked and ran to him.

“Aigoo…you look so stunning!” he said and give him a turn, making him laugh.

“I missed you!” I said and hugged him.

“Sam here…oh gosh! I feel