“Love doesn’t need a reason, if you can explain why you love someone, it’s not love, it is like”

I know that being so hard to get is not in these days and love is already fast paced as well. Courtship and the getting to know stage can be done while you’re officially dating and from there, you will have to hope and pray so hard for your relationship to work and last. I’m old school, I have this old style of being in-love, I’m in for a long process and while people my age are enjoying love in a fast lane, here I am, totally confused as to what I really feel.

My grandmother once said, love shouldn’t be fast for it needs time to mature and once it already grew, you can already go for it. But, it’s just so hard to ignore your feelings when it’s getting stronger and stronger. All my life I’ve always taken my grandmother’s advices, but I guess this is the time for me to set what she said aside and give fast love a shot.

“What is happening to me?!” I said and sat up while ruffling my hair and kicking my feet, making some pillows drop to the floor.

I’ve been awake almost all night because my mind is running at its best and my heart is bugging me. They are in an all out battle and it’s just so hard to stop them. I want to say “ceasefire!” but I know so well that it’s not gonna help. This is hard, REALLY hard.

“OK…let’s see what this book wants to tell me” I opened my grandmother’s book of love and scanned it randomly.

“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be….that’s why people are so cynical about it….it really is worth fighting for…risking everything for….and the trouble is…if you don’t risk everything….you risk even more” I read out and almost threw the old book.

Why is that even the book of love is telling me to risk it? I feel like, someone is playing a prank on me by connecting things that will totally make me bend. Actually, I hate the word risk and out of all the words in the dictionary, I don’t want it in a same sentence with love.

“Lucky…what will I do? Jiyong is all I can think about and he’s definitely in my heart….I’m torn…I don’t even know if what I’m feeling for him is love or I just simply like him” I said and my puppy just tilted its head from left to right as if thinking of what to do.

“I know that he is special…but I don’t know if being special is enough for me to say that I’m feeling the same way as him too” I said and hugged Lucky.

While taking a bath, I did a list of what will happen if I consider G-dragon already including its consequences. I stop whenever I think about big and hardcore ones for I get scared.

“Fans…yeah…..that is going to be a big thing” I said while dressing up.

“But then again….there are idol’s who have come out in the open about their relationships and it seems like their fans are just fine with it” I said and looked in the mirror.

“Wait…as far as I know…there are some fans who can’t take it and it can really be dirty once they attack” I said and shook my head to brush that thought off.

“TROUBLE TWIN!” I heard Eun hee called out and I immediately went out of my room.

“Hey!” I said while brushing my dripping hair.

“You look so …tired?” she said while staring at me.

Great! I guess I really have to stick with this zombie face for today since even a thick concealer cannot hide my dark circles. If only I can wear sunglasses in class.

“What is happening to you? Yesterday…you also look like a zombie but a happy one then today….you look like a zombie who wasn’t able to find its right tomb resulting to its sleepless night and totally bad element” mouse said and I just sighed.

“I’m doomed” I told her and she looked at me then at Lucky who is going towards her.

“Carry him first!” she almost jumped while pointing at my puppy.

“Can you at least get used to him sniffing your stinky feet?” I asked and she looked at me in disbelief.

“FYI….my feet smells sweet that’s why he’s always sniffing it” she said and I smirked.

“Let’s go now….we have to be in school early for we’ve got a lot of papers to finish…we’ll talk about your problem in the car” she said and walked out.

As much as I don’t want to open these things to Eun hee, I don’t have a choice for I need help. My best friends knows about my relationships and they are always watching over me whenever I’m in one and my last relationship really gave them lots of headaches for my ex is a douche bag and he cheated on me not only once but thrice in the seven months that we’ve been together. Well, I’m not traumatized at all but it made me realize that I have to filter a guy well so that I won’t be falling to a wrong one again.

“OK…speak” Eun hee said while driving.

“I don’t know what to do anymore” I said and sighed.

“Can you at least give me an overview of what this is…coz I don’t know what you’re talking about” she said and I faced her.

“Mouse…how can you say that you’re already in love?” I asked and she glanced at me with a smile on her face.

“Ooooohhhh….it seems like somebody’s falling” she said with tune and I just rolled my eyes.

“What?” I asked impatiently.

“Trouble twin…your question is not answerable at all…look…when you’re in-love…you’re in love…there’s no hints or whatever…you’ll just feel it” she said and I shook my head.

“No! There must be some kind of indication or something like that….coz…what if you think that you already love the person but truth is…you are just admiring him or her…that you just like him” I said and she sighed.

“Liking someone is totally different from loving someone for you can still define the word LIKE and LOVE doesn’t have to have a definition at all…if I were you…just weigh things properly then eventually…you’ll go out of that dark room and find the ligh