“Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground that buildings rise, and the oxygen in the air. It is the place you come back to, no matter where you’re headed”

Week 72

I know I’m doing things that I shouldn’t be doing. I know that at the end of all this, I will hurt somebody and I’ll be the bad guy that everybody thought I was. If only they know how hard it is to be me, they would surely understand everything and all the hate will turn into pity. I’m telling you, this is not what I wanted to happen, but it’s already here, so I don’t have a choice but to it all in.

1 year and 6 months. She has been away for so long and my poor heart has been playing around. I don’t know what happened and I don’t even know how I was able to handle it. She’s all I can think of and my heart still longs for her, but I’m with another girl now who is special to me as well.

My life is totally screwed. I’m in a relationship with an ex girlfriend and I didn’t even know how we got here. Well, of course we talked about this but I didn’t expect it to be this serious. She promised to help me move on and this is the only way she can think of to pull me out of misery. It’s stupid of me to even agree with it, but it’s already here and our relationship is going so well. She loves me and I’m trying to level her love. She’s giving it her all this time, and unlike before, I’m the one being hard now. I don’t know how she does it, but she’s really holding onto me so tight that it’s already overwhelming.

“Hyung! Hyung! Wake up!” Daesung keeps on shaking me, pissing the hell out of me.

“What?!” I scowled.

“Come….you have to see this” he said and pulled me up by the hand.

“This better be good…or else” I told him and we went out of my room just to find the rest of the members in the living room.

I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m not feeling good about this at all. If this is another scandal about maknae, I will throw that punk out of the window in a swish. Actually, I don’t know why I’m not being rumored these days when I’m the one who is dating amongst the five of us. Oh well, I’m in a long distance relationship again so it’s impossible for the people to even see us together. But still, whenever I’m in Japan, we go out in public without any disguise. Maybe they are already used to us, or maybe it’s already expected. After all, rumors about us dating before never died down it’s just so ironic for now that we’re dating again, not even a single rumor or scandals goes out in the open.

“Annyeong! I’m Ishi Shin and I’m the newest face of Victoria Secret! I really hope that you’ll support our new campaign….mmm….I’ve never been to Korea for a long time already but I’m going back soon to see everybody! Thank you for supporting in advance!”

I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Is that girl really her? No. I may be dreaming. She matured a lot and even though her face is still the same, she looks like a different person to me now.

My heart beat so fast the moment I saw her on television. It’s really unexpected and I don’t know how to react at all. My body froze and my mind went blank. After a year and a half of not seeing her, here she is, showing up unexpectedly, with the same beautiful smile that was once seen only by a few people.

“This is really epic!” Youngbae said after the ad.

“Is that really Ishi? Wow! She’s a model now” TOP hyung said in disbelief.

“She’s looking so good hyung” Seungri looked at me and I just stared at them.

Of course, everybody will get shocked by this. I, personally is totally shocked and speechless. I want to pinch myself just to check if this is really happening and I did pinch myself and it hurts which means, it’s all true. This is reality and I just cannot believe it.

“Aigoo…she’s really soaring high….I mean…Victoria Secret is not a joke…it’s one of the biggest brands out there…waaaa” TOP hyung said and I was still speechless.

“JYP Sajangnim is really giving her good job opportunities….this is a huge move…totally huge…it’s a leap…I’m so sure that once she debuts here….she’ll be a hit in a snap” Youngbae said, making me sigh heavily.

“OMO!” Seungri exclaimed all of a sudden, making us all look at him.

“Yah! What is that?” TOP hyung asked.

“It’s Ishi’s billboard in Hongdae” he answered and all of us looked at the tablet that he’s holding.

“Wow!”

It really is shocking to see her with just a thin fabric on. When we were still together, I hate seeing her wearing revealing clothes, most especially when it’s too eye catching. Now, she’ll be seen by all of Seoul and I can’t do anything about it. I’m seeing a familiar face and I’m feeling the same feelings. Thing is, there is something in her that seems to be so different.

“This will surely bring the streets of Hongdae a lot of traffic” TOP hyung said, making everybody laugh.

“What can you say Jiyong…here’s your girl” Youngbae asked and I just stared at them.

My girl? I don’t even know if I can still call her that. I don’t know, but she suddenly clouded my mind once again and I’m not even brushing it off like the way I use to before. I’m letting all our memories together in and even though I know that this is not right for I already have a new relationship, I can’t help it for my heart is still longing for her, and seeing her is definitely strengthening it.

Hours passed by and I still can’t get over the fact that I already saw her after a year and a half. Eun hee is always with me, but I never dared to ask her any updates about Ishi. Wow! This is the very first time that I said her name again. Ishi. Yeah, she’s the girl that I love the most, but is already far away from me. I don’t even know if I can still reach her for she’s soaring too high now.

On my way to the YG building, I