“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on”

I told myself that stupid decisions don’t have a space in my life anymore. I’m gonna start a new life, therefore, I don’t need to do the things that I usually do now and change for the better. I know that this will not be easy, but I have to move forward in order to grow. My past will be a bittersweet memory, and I’ll focus on my future so that once I go back, I can face the people in it with my head held high and say “I’m a much better person now”.

Three weeks ago, my life has changed and I’ve let go of someone that is so special to me. Letting him slip through my fingers is really the hardest thing that I’ve ever done in my entire life. But I guess, God really let this happen because he has something for me and him, bigger than being in a relationship. There’s one thing I’m sure of, we will see each other again. I don’t know when, where and how, but we will lay our eyes on each other again and if that time comes, I can look at him straight in the eyes for I know that I’ve already found a place in this world and I’m a better person as well.

I’m going to New York in a few hours from now and I’m having mixed emotions about it. My mind is telling me that this is the right thing to do. That running away   from the one you love is just fine because this is for the better, but my heart is totally opposing and is telling me to not leave for my life is here, and things can still be fixed. I’ve considered a lot before finalizing my decision. As a matter of fact, I’ve changed my decision for gazillion times before I came up with a final one. JYP Sajangnim and YG Sajangnim are really guiding me to a good path and I trust them. I know that this will really help me with my career and it’s a good opportunity for not everyone can train with top caliber mentors. Who am I to say no to a good offer, right?

“This is really hard…gosh!” Eun hee said while helping me pack my things.

“Mouse…don’t start…OK? I’m not in the mood to cry” Dong min said while folding my clothes.

“Guys” I said and they both looked at me “I know that this …that I’m totally a loser for I’m leaving you both…but I want you to understand that I’m doing this for my well being…I’m in wreck now and the only way for me to be whole again is by taking a breather and leaving my past for the meantime” I started tearing up and they hugged me.

“Tinky…we know so well that you need this…and we fully understand…it’s just that…you are going to a far away land….a plane away from here…and you will not only stay there for a couple of months…but YEARS!” Dong min said and I hugged him tightly.

“Minnie…even if I’m so far away from the both of you…we’ll still be the best of friends…nothing will change….you can always visit me there or we can talk through Skype or chat….just give me these two years and I promise you…I’ll come back right after….you will see a different me…a much better version of me” I said and they gave me a nod.

Eun hee and Dong min went ballistic the moment I told them about my decision a few weeks ago. Mouse even threatened me that she will jump off a building if I go on with this even though we all know so well that she will not even dare to go up on the rooftop of a building. Dong min on the other hand, is trying to stay positive in this and I’m thankful because even if he is still mad at me for leaving G-dragon, he’s still beside me and is very supportive of anything that I want to do and have decided upon.

Leaving my friends isn’t easy. These two are my only family, aside from G-dragon’s and it’s just so hard to say goodbye. Well, a couple of days ago, Dami-unnie and I met up and we have cleared things already. She told me that the whole family was devastated with what happened to me and G-dragon and it’s making me really guilty, but what’s done is done and all we have to do is wait for what the future might bring us.

“Unnie….I’m really sorry for everything that I’ve done to the family and most especially…to Jiyong” I told her and she reached for my hand.

“Ishi-ah….the whole family is grieving right now because you are slowly drifting away from us….but always remember that no matter what happens….Appa and Omma will always be your parents….and I will forever be your big sister….we will not leave your side….we’ll always be here to cheer on you and help you if you need one…as for Jiyong…don’t worry about him…he will soon get by…that guy is strong and he is a fighter…I know that he will wait for you….but…please…don’t make him wait for too long coz you know so well that everyone of us has limits and he is not an exception” she said and I started tearing up.

“I know that it’s so pathetic of me to leave him…but…we will soon realize that this decision of mine is a good one…we both need time to grow…especially me…coz I don’t know where I really stand in this world…Unnie…please take care of Appa…Omma…the kids….and yourself….oh! And Jiyong as well…I know that…that guy will always be a tough one….but…he listens and obeys well…I promise to go back in a good shape” I told her and she stood up from her seat and hugged me.

“Aigoo…this is the reason why Omma doesn’t want to come with me….she knows that this goodbye will really be emotional” she said, making me chuckle.

“I’ll stay in touch with you guys…I will not miss any birthdays as well…I know that Jin ae will be celebrating soon and I have a gift for her” I said and gave her a small box.

“OMO! This is your engagement ring…right?” she asked in shock.

Well, G-dragon slipped the ring on my finger while I was sleeping the last time we’re together and because it doesn’t suit me anymore, I’ve decided to make it a pendan