“You can’t turn love on and off like a light switch, no matter how hard you try. All you can do is wall it off, one brick at a time, until you’ve created an impenetrable fortress around your emotions. And once that fortress is built, you camouflage it so well that even you, can’t see it anymore”

I know so well that hearts break, they go from being so alive to dying, but why does it have to end like this? I guess, planning your future together so early is not good at all for you’ll just end up expecting a lot and when it all crush and crumble, both of you are going to be a mess. I broke up with him because I want us to realize what we really mean to each other. But I guess, I’ve reached my limits already and I can say that I’m really done with all the .

A week has passed and I’m as lost as him. Yes, I know that he is one lost soul as well for s keeps on bugging me to talk to him and even my own friends are forcing me to meet up with him and try to patch things up, but I’m not ready for it. Well, I don’t want to talk or see him anymore coz I know that once we see each other, he’ll start with his sugar coated words once again that can surely make me bend. So for our friends not to disturb my grieving, I shut all technologies in my world and lived without a phone, laptop and television. I know that seeing him will make me miss him more.

I didn’t know that it’ll be this hard. I actually thought that intense heartbreaks are just for the movies, but it’s not. I’ve been crying myself to sleep, I wake up in the middle of the night with tears rolling down my cheeks, and I cry in the morning whenever I feel so alone. Living without him is pretty hard to the point that you will feel like a baby who was left by its mother. Once again, I’ve lost a special person in my life, but this time, I’m the one who let go.

I woke up earlier than expected, stared at myself in the mirror and sighed. I’m one hot mess. I look older than before and my aura is obviously dark. If you’ll ask me to draw myself now, it’d be easy, I’ll just draw a big “X” on the white paper and put “RIP, in memory of” below it. I’m dead for my heart isn’t beating anymore.

“What the!” I said upon seeing bouquets of flowers in front of my door.

G-dragon keeps on putting these flowers in front of my door and I’m totally controlling myself not to go out whenever he’s here. Every day for one whole week, he drops by my house at night just to give me these flowers and it hurts so much knowing that he’s still trying to get me back, while I’m already trying to forget him.

“Hey Tinky!” Dong min showed up out of nowhere with Eun hee behind him.

One more thing, I haven’t entertained visitors in my house for a week now. Eun hee and Dong min always go here, but I always make them leave. I know that what I needed now the most are my friends, but I just don’t want them to worry about me and I’d rather go through this problem alone than drag them into my negative world.

“What are you doing?” Eun hee asked.

“Cleaning this mess” I answered while picking up all the bouquets in front of my door.

“Why are you throwing them away? They’re from Jiyong!” she said and stopped me from throwing a bouquet of flowers.

“Mouse…these are just junk….my house looks like the Kensington Palace when Princess Diana died…full of flowers…what’s missing are the goodbye messages” I said, making them laugh.

“Aigoo…go ahead! Throw them” Dong min said and I did what I was told.

Out of the two, Dong min is the one who supports my decision although he’s still hoping that I can still patch things up with G-dragon. I don’t know, but one thing that I’ve learned through my love journey is, you don’t have to look back from your past, that once it’s done, the moment you called it quits, there’s no turning back.

“C’mon…let’s get inside” I told them after clearing all the flowers.

“Ow…you’re letting us in?” Eun hee asked in shock.

“Yes” I answered coldly and went inside the apartment.

“OH GOSH!” Dong min said the moment he saw my super dirty house.

“I’m sorry for the mess…I have been bumming for one whole week and I don’t have enough energy to even move around” I said and they sighed.

“You have time to clear all the flowers outside but you don’t even have the time to wash your dishes….AISH!” Eun hee said and started washing the dishes that has been there for I don’t know how long.

“What the heck! Why is your pantry empty? Are you even eating?” Dong min asked when he saw my empty food shelf.

“I’m living of ramen all day and night” I answered and they looked at me like I’m the most hopeless person in the whole wide world.

“You are a piece of and you’re killing yourself without you knowing it” Eun hee said in annoyance and I just gave her a nod.

Honestly, I’d rather die now. I can’t find any reasons to live anymore. Before, I always tell myself that love will not have a huge impact on me for it’s “JUST” love. Look at me now, I’m suffering and grieving because of it and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

“Up to when are you going to be like this? Huh? Ishi! Just to remind you…you’re the one who broke up with him…this is your decision…not his…so don’t act like you’re the one hurting to the core coz if there’s someone who has to feel what you’re feeling and who has the right to do what you’re doing….it’s Jiyong…he should be the one crying to death…starving himself…and zoning out from the world because YOU BROKE HIS HEART….but what? You look like you’ve got reversal of roles and it’s just so annoying…why do you have to come up with this decision when you know that you’d be damned as hell in the end?” Eun hee said, sounding so angry.

“I’m hurting this much because I love him….I love him with all my heart and as much as I don’t want us to end like this…I have to…because we