“Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel”

Why is it whenever I’m doing well already, something will come up and turn everything for me? Well, I know that a baby is a blessing, but it’s still too early to have one. I haven’t even enjoyed singlehood yet. Motherhood is a big thing for it’ll dictate your whole life already. Once you enter that world, there’s no turning back and all you have to do is move forward and do what you got to do even if you’re not ready for it at all.

“NO! EON! IT CAN’T BE! I….I CAN’T BE PREGNANT!” I exclaimed.

“Alright…calm down…calm down” he said and sighed.

“What will I do now? What will happen to me if I’m really pregnant?” I asked and he just stared at me.

“Ishi…if you are really pregnant…then…you should say it to Jiyong first…and then…to his family…and then…….to Sajangnim” he answered and fear, and shame enveloped me.

JYP Sajangnim has been so clear when he told me that pregnancy in a big no-no to me yet, for once I get pregnant, the plans and all our hard work will definitely go to waste. Not only that, I know that Sajangnim will surely be disappointed for he is expecting a lot from me and if I really am pregnant, I won’t be able to meet those expectations anymore.

“OK…I will buy a pregnancy kit now…just wait here” Eon said and I shook my head.

“Why are you shaking your head? You don’t want to take a test?” he asked and I started crying.

“I’m afraid…what if…it’s positive? All of my dreams will surely go down the drain” I told him and he hugged me.

“Ishi…that’s already given…but…a baby is wonderful gift and it’s the fruit of your love and Jiyongs…you can always continue your dream even if you’re already a mother…there are a lot of celebrities who are working even if they have children already…don’t worry….I’m so sure that the people who supported you all the way will still be there for you…and I’m one of them” he said and I hugged him tightly.

“Thank you” I said and he wiped my tears “I just don’t know what to think and feel right now” I told him and he smiled at me.

“If I were you…I’ll think of nothing….crazy thoughts will just stress you out” he said and I sighed “I’ll just get you a pregnancy kit…alright?” he looked at me and I’m still having second thoughts about it.

Why am I feeling so crap? If I’m really pregnant, shouldn’t I be happy because this is what G-dragon wants? My man wants to have a baby and he has dreamt long for this. Thing is, I’m not ready for it and there are still a lot of thing that I want to do. Not to mention, we’re not even legit to the public yet. How are we going to handle this and face the people?

And because I’m really twisted and I’m already preparing myself for a big and shocking news, I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, removed my shirt and stared at my stomach in front of the mirror for I don’t know how long.

“Am I really pregnant?” I asked myself while rubbing my stomach.

“AISH! Jiyong…I’m telling you…this baby better not be a secret…aigoo” I continued looking at my stomach. I turned left then right then left again.

We are in a secret relationship up until now and we still don’t know when will we be able to go out in the open, but if I’m really pregnant, I will not hide it to the public. I’m going to shout to the whole world that I’m going to be a mother and the father of my child is Kwon Jiyong. The baby doesn’t deserve to be kept as a secret for I know how hard it is to be someone’s secret.

“ISHI!” Eon called after minutes of being out.

The moment I saw him, my heart started banging my chest and my whole body froze when he handed me the kit. I’m so lost and fear is all I can feel. I’ve been trying to calm myself down and somewhat prepare myself if ever our speculations are really true, but I’m not calming down and I cannot even tell myself that I’m already good if this turns out positive.

“How does this works?” I asked and Eon just stared at me.

“What do you mean by that? Don’t tell me you haven’t used that before” he asked and I gave him a nod.

“This is my first time using a pregnancy kit” I told him and he gasped in shock.

“How long have you been active? Didn’t you know that a pregnancy kit is a ually active girls’ must have? AISH! I’m not even a girl and I know it…how can you not know?” he asked and I sighed.

“Easy…because I’m so sure that we are safe and so protected…I’m receiving shots every three months…not only that….he’s using condoms as well...and….this is my first time having these freaky symptoms” I answered and he sighed.

“Whatever! Just read the instructions…go!” he said and pushed me to the bathroom.

I just stared at the kit for I don’t know how long with my heart banging my chest wildly. I can’t bring myself to open the box and pull out the kit.

“I can’t do it” I told Eon the moment I stepped out of the bathroom.

“What the heck! Ishi…you gotta do it coz we need to know if you’re really pregnant” he said and I shook my head.

“Can we just do this tomorrow? I need some time to think and breathe first” I told him and he sighed.

“Fine! We’ll do this tomorrow…but…there’s no turning back…promise me that” he said and I nod.

“I promise” I replied and he shook his head.

I know that I’m such an idiot for not taking the test when I have the kit in hand already. I don’t know, but I’m not really prepared for whatever result it’ll give me. All I know is that, I’m scared of what might happen even though there’s this part of me saying “If it’s positive, all you have to do is be happy for you’ll be having you own family already”

Wouldn’t that be sweet? G-dragon and I, having our own family. I can’t help but imagine me with a big baby bump, while my man brings home whatever crazy food I’m craving for. And then when it’s time to deliver the baby already, he’ll be with me in the delivery room, holding my hand while whispering sweet words in my ear to ease me up and somewhat lessen the pain that I’m feeling.

“ISHI!” Eon shouted, snapping me out from my day-dreaming.

“What?” I asked and he sighed.

“We’re already here…let’s go down now” he said and I looked around.

It seems like I’ve been day-dreaming for so long coz we are already in front of the building where we hold our workshop.

“Good Morning sunbaenims” I bowed in front of my seniors and they smiled sweetly at me.

“Aigoo…are you alright Ishi-shi?” a senior asked.

“I am sunbaenim” I answered politely and she stared at me.

“Are you sure? You look pale to me” she said and I smiled at her.

“Well…I felt sick awhile ago…but…I’m good now” I lied.

I know that I’m not feeling good and it looks like my co-actors are seeing it coz almost all of them asked me if I’m alright and I keep on telling them the same thing “I’m good sunbaenim…there’s nothing to worry about”, even our director has asked me the same question as well and he even told me to rest for a while coz I’m turning so pale already.

“Ishi….are you sure you can still do this?” Joo won sunbaenim asked during our break.

“Of course sunbaenim! Don’t worry about me” I told him and he just stared at me.

“I’m fine sunbaenim” I assured him and forced a smile.

I’m being distant to him already after hearing what Eon told me about him having a possibility of liking me.

“uhmmm…I know this is none of my business…but…are you already married?” he asked randomly and I looked at him weirdly.

“Excuse me?” I asked and he giggled.

“Nothing” he answered..

“You’re asking if I’m already married….sunbaenim…why did you ask that?” I waited for him to answer and he looked at my hand where my couple ring is.

“aaahhh…this” I said and took a deep breath.<