“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place”

Life will never and can never be easy to handle. I know so well that every individual living in this crazy planet called Earth has their own share of stupidity and idiocy. Yes, you and I are counted. When I was young, I thought stupidity is just for grown-ups. Thing is, I’ve been doing a lot of crazy and stupid things ever since I was a kid. I can still remember putting glue on my palm and squeezing it to my other palm. I ended up with my two hands glued to each other, bringing my Grandma to insanity. While I was growing up, I told myself that mistakes and troubles need to be erased from my vocabulary. Turns out, on my first day in high school, I ended in the guidance counselor’s office even before class starts because I punched a boy who’s in the same class as mine. The reason? Well, he touched my when I passed by him. And now, my stupidity and trouble moments list have exceeded the limit already. Actually, if you’re going to let me write every mistake and bad decisions that I’ve made during the past year, I can make a book that is thicker than Harry Potter. Well, if you’re asking me if love and falling deeply in love is a mistake. I’m telling you, it’s not for it’s the greatest decision that I’ve ever made in my entire life.

November has arrived so fast that I didn’t even notice it coming. I don’t know, but life here in rehab is a bit slow, although there are times where I feel like time is being forwarded. This experience is really overwhelming and at the same time, eye opening. I’ve seen and met a lot of people here whose problems are more serious than mine. But for some amazing reasons, almost all of them are positive with life. A month ago, I’ve met a patient who is alcoholic and is also bipolar, she shared her story to me and I didn’t even expect that I’m going to hear wonderful things from her.

“I’ve been going in and out of rehab for almost half my life now…I started with smoking pot and then heroine at the tender age of seventeen…we are damn rich for my father owns a known tobacco company….my parents are always away and I was left by the care of nannies…I’m sure you’ve been in the stage wherein you just want to experience everything” she said and I nod my head in agreement “During that time…all I want to do is be a part of the crowd…I actually thought that I’ll be able to get the love that I rarely get from my parents in school…but I was wrong…kids in our high school are really devils…well…it’s given for all of us are rich and brats are everywhere…and then one day…a guy approached me…he offered me a stick of cigarette...what’s funny is…the brand of  the cigarette that he gave me is our own brand…the one that my father produces….he doesn’t know who I am for he’s just a random boy in the street…I smoked the stick that he gave me and he gave me another one after that then after a few minutes…I felt like I was floating already…I’m telling you Ishi…it’s one of the most wonderful moments of my life…next thing I know it…I’m already smoking pot or popularly known as weed” she continued and smirked.

“Time passed by and I ended up dating this random boy….….weed and a lot more are what we always do…and then heroine became in…in the drug world…it’s always been there ever since…but it’s not that popular with teenagers for it’s too pricy…and because I have a lot of money in the bank…me and my boyfriend tripped on trying it…we ended up injecting it to ourselves…then after being stoned for months…my parents busted me and threw me in a filthy rehab center...believe it or not…I ran away from that place…and also from my family….after that…my life was in ruins already….I came back to drugs…I drink everyday…party every night then after that…have with someone I don’t know…it became a routine for YEARS…then one day…I got sick of my trashy life and decided to twist my fate…and here I am now…in  front of you…trying to change the life that I’ve made for myself” she finished and her story made me tear.

“What made you decide to change your life?” I asked and she smiled.

“You see Ishi…when you’re already this old…all you want is to have a good and prosperous life….all you’ll ever wish for is a husband…kids and a good paying job…and because I’m literally wasted…I cannot even get myself a job….my father’s words are still fresh in my mind…he told me that I really need to step out of the dark and try to embrace the light before it’s too late…my old man is really not the kind of person who will take me seriously…but during that time…I felt his sincerity in every word…he even told me that I’m God’s given angel to them…that even though I’m this horrible…in his eyes I’m still an angel…who’s perfect and totally clean…those words opened my eyes…I feel like I have to get back on track once again for there are a lot of people who are wishing and hoping for my well-being…I’m telling you Ishi…it’s better late than never….my father died before I went here and I promised him that I will not waste all of the efforts and sacrifices that he made for me…I also promised him that I will not let go of this drop of hope that I’ll be better” she said and burst out crying.

After that conversation, a lot of things and realizations came into mind. After hearing her story, I suddenly thanked God for making me live a wonderful life even though I’ve spent most of my years alone. I’ve also realized that making yourself miserable and horrible will just bring you total mess. I agree with her when she said that change is better late than never. I’ve been through ups and downs already. I fall, I stand, I fall again and stand once more. It’s been a routine, but I nearly gave up the fight. That’s what happened to me months ago. My separation with G-dragon really made a big impact in my life to the point that I’ve forgotten myself completely already. I’m just so thankful for I’ve got a lot of wonderful people beside and behind me. If it weren’t for them, I would’ve been skin and bones now. Going to rehab and being locked up her for a long time can really make you insane, but thinking of it, being here is one of the best things that ever happened in my life. Why? Because I got the chance to know myself better and also appreciate the people who has been helping me since day one.

“Are you ready to get out now?” my nurse asked while I’m packing my things.

“To tell you honestly…I’m nervous” I answered and she looked at me in confusion.

“Why is that?” she asked and I sighed.

“I don’t know…but I’m having a lot of what if’s in mind…like…what if the world isn’t ready for me yet? What if I screw up once again outside? What if things are not like before anymore? What if I have a hard time adjusting? These questions are really bugging my mind for days already and even though my doctors are assuring me that everything’s gonna be alright…I still can’t help but to think of all the possibilities” I told her and she reached for my hand.

“Ishi…out of all the patients here…you’re one of the most open and pure hearted…I’m so sure that things are going to be fine once you get out of here…after all…you’ve got your family who is really supportive of you and let’s not  forget your husband….who has been your shoulder to lean on and a great motivator as well…all of them…including me….knows that you’ll do good outside…as you’ve said…you are going to get back the career that you have left a long time ago...and I’m telling you…to be able to get that back…you have to do well with your life” she said and I gave her a hug.

“Thank you so much….I don’t know what to do without you” I said and she caressed my cheek.

“You have a kind heart Ishi and I’m so happy for I was able to take care of you” she said and it made me cry.

Yes, I’m going out of this rehabilitation center in a few hours and the people who had been my family for seven months are being so emotional for I’ll be leaving them already. My bond with all my doctors and nurses, even the patients are so tight to the point that leaving them really makes me sad. But then again, I know that this isn’t my world.

Hours passed by and it’s time for me to say goodbye. Omma, Appa, Dami-unnie, Eun hee, Dong min and Eon were the ones who welcomed me to the real world once again. Too bad, G-dragon can’t make it for he’s got a lot of things to do in Korea.

“Aigoo” I said the moment I stepped out of the center’s doors.

“WELCOME BACK TO THE WILD!” Eun hee and Dong min shouted in glee upon seeing me.

“Yeah….welcome to the wild Ishi” Dami-unnie said and I hugged her.

My happiness is really over the top and I still can’t believe that I’m out of rehab already. As a matter of fact, my fears suddenly faded the moment I realized that things are still the same. There are some changes, but most of them are still familiar to me. And it made me feel like I never left at all.

“OMO! Is that Lou already?” I asked upon seeing Eun hee’s son and got him from her.

Lou is Eun hee and Daniel’s son, and is my godson. Well, Daniel is not his real father, but he was the one who shouldered everything for Mouse since she decided to come back to him. I’m just so happy for I haven’t seen my best friend this light and bright.

“I cannot believe that I’m out already” I said and they all smiled at me.

“We’re on the same boat as well Tinky” Dong min said.

“Too bad Jiyong is not here” I said and sighed.

“Aigoo…yaaa….your husband will go here soon…don’t worry about it” Omma told me and pulled me closer to her.

“That’s right Ishi….you know your guy….he will surely come here as soon as possible…actually….he called me last night and said that he’s dying to see you already...well…he said a lot of sweet and mushy things after that but it all slipped through my mind for it’s too much for me to handle” Dami-unnie said, making us all laugh.

How I wish he’s really here. Oh well, I know that even if he’s not here personally, his heart is with me. After all, we’d be seeing each other soon as well for I’m planning to go back to Korea already.

Everybody had fun celebrating my comeback to the real world and I myself had a blast as well. I still can’t believe that I’m already out and is about to rock once again. I know that this isn’t going to be easy, but I promise to give my all just for things to go back to its right places as soon as possible.

“Hey baby!” G-dragon said the moment I picked up his call.

“OPPA!” I said in glee, making him giggle.

“Aigoo…how was your first day in our world?” he asked and I smirked.

“Oppa…what do you think of me? An alien? Aigoo” I said and he laughed out loud.

“Yaaa…you’re already an alien even before” he teased, making me laugh.

“Yeah…whatever Oppa” I said and he laughed like crazy once again.

His voice is really making me miss him more. In all fairness to my husband, he has given me everything these past months to the point that even his health has become an issue already. Of course, he’s working day and night in Korea and then he goes to America just to visit me. It took a toll on him and his body gave up on him a few weeks ago. Good thing, it’s nothing serious.

“I should be the one asking how are you” I told him and he sighed.

“I’m all good baby…there’s no need to worry anymore…I’m actually back in rehearsing once again” he said and I sighed in relief.

“Oppa…I know that you’ve got a lot on your plate nowadays…but please….take care of yourself…if only I’m there…I’d be taking care of you” I said and I can already imagine him smiling from ear to ear.

“Aigoo…that’s so sweet of you my wife” he said and it made me blush.

“Welcome back” he followed sweetly and it made me smile.

“Thank you Oppa…thank you for EVERYTHING” I continued.

“There’s no need to thank me baby…I did all of this because I want you to be good…and now that you’re back in shape once again…I can give myself a pat on the back already and say “Good job Jiyongie…you’ve succeeded”….I love you” he said and tears started rolling down my eyes.

I can’t ask f