“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation”

I know that expecting too much will just turn into disappointment in the end, but why am I expecting too much from Ishi now? Last night was the happiest moment of my life. After weeks of not even feeling anything, my heart and soul is alive once again and I’m savoring each second that we’re together for it’s just too precious. She’s still a bit shaky, but I know that she’ll bend anytime soon. I can see the sun shining on us once again and I will not allow the darkness to take place anymore. I’m not going anywhere, I’ll stay here with her for I can’t afford to lose her again.

I woke up with an empty space beside me. My mood is so beautiful for I know that Ishi is just outside the room preparing breakfast or playing with Lucky. I can’t stop myself from smiling for my heart is overflowing with happiness and love. Last night was the best night of my life and each second of our lovemaking is still fresh in my mind. Her touch is so heavenly, her kisses are priceless and her sweet moans are like music to my ears. I’ve fallen in love with her all over again and even if she nearly killed my heart, my love for her is still the same as before or even more now.

“Baby” I called the moment I walked out of her room.

I don’t know why I’m feeling strange. Her room seems to have less things in it. The whole apartment feels so empty and it’s just weird coz Lucky is nowhere to be seen, when he’s always in front of the door, sleeping or playing with his rubber ball. Something is not right and I just can’t point it out.

“Ishi!” I shouted outside but got no response at all.

“AISH!” I pulled out my phone from my pocket, dialed her number but it’s out of reach.

“What the hell!” I tried once again but it’s still the same.

“No…no….NO!” I almost threw my phone away.

Something is going on and her sudden disappearance is really fishy. I don’t know, but I feel like she already left me and this time, it’s for good.

And because of my crazy thoughts, I rushed inside the apartment and looked around, trying to find some clues of her disappearance. I know that Ishi is not the kind of girl who will leave without saying goodbye. Well, she hates goodbyes but she will not just leave without even saying a word. I know her, she will not do this to me. She will not leave me in this way. No. She can’t leave me. Period.

“Oh!” I said upon seeing her half empty closet.

This can’t be. No. She didn’t run away. No! It can’t be! She can’t do this to me! No!

As I was looking around her room, I saw a book on the bed that I didn’t notice earlier. It was titled The Book of Love and as far as my memory can remember, she once told me that this book is so special for it was handed down to her by her grandmother and it’s her favorite as well. Inside the book, there’s a letter with the word “OPPA” on it.

Oppa,

I know that once you’ve read this, you will hate me forever.

Exactly five months ago, I’ve bumped into this wonderful man. I spilled a whole glass of water on his expensive shirt and because he’s a superstar, my heart went tugs-tugs-tugs, not because I’m afraid that he might get mad at me, but because I felt something weird and later did I know, my heart was captivated by him already. Well yes, I was attracted to you ever since for my ideal man describes everything that you are and I’m just brushing it off for I know that having a crush on a celebrity is not really my thing, but you changed it. And then, we met again in a pastry shop where I nearly spilled hot tea on you. Our third encounter is not long after the second and that’s in a club. I was on my way back to our table and we bumped into each other again, and I have to blame Eun hee’s high heeled shoes for it. At that time, it already became weird. I even asked myself, “Why do we keep on bumping into each other?” and the weird bumps continued. You were my judge in a school competition where we matched with our red hairs. After that, Daniel’s birthday came up and we saw each other again, and I believe that from that day on, we built a certain bond that we aren’t even aware at all. Then one day, you just showed me a different you, next thing I know it, my numb heart is beating once again and this time, it’s beating your name.

Oppa, from the day that you told me you like me up until now, I still can’t believe that you love me and not just that, you gave everything to me. I’m one wrecked person, but here you are, loving me unconditionally and nurturing me. You turned the heartless girl who only thinks of money and living into someone who has emotions and even made her realize that she is capable of loving as well. The cold girl has been turned into a warm and affectionate woman in just a snap of a finger and it’s all because of you Oppa.

I don’t know, but all throughout our relationship, I feel like you’re the one who is giving everything and I feel so sorry for I wasn’t able to return your love that much. I lack in so many things, I’m not good in expressing myself, I am stubborn, a certified troublemaker and a lost soul, but here you are, loving me no matter how hard I can be. You are the one who kept me living and you are my oxygen, the air that I breathe each and every damn day of my life. Well, let’s just say that YOU ARE MY LIFE.

Things are really falling apart now Oppa. I don’t know myself anymore, I’m wrecked as hell and I’m being a big burden to you as well. I know that I’m one petty human being for I cannot handle small and negotiable issues, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that I broke your heart and for killing you in one way or another. You are a great person and I don’t think you deserve me. How can I say that? Well, I haven’t proven anything yet. I’m just a girl who is living because her boyfriend is financing for her, a girl who doesn’t know her real place in this world and who has gone crazy for