“Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind”

Week 48

It’s been a year already. Wow! I cannot even believe that I was able to last twelve months, forty eight weeks, three hundred sixty five days, away from the people I love. I spent my Birthday, Christmas, New Year and all the special occasions by myself and it’s quite a drag, but knowing me, I was able to pull it off. I cried a bit and get it over with. After all, that’s life, all we need is to grieve a little and move on.

My life has changed so fast that even I cannot catch up on it sometimes. There are a lot of things that happened and they are mix of the good, the bad and the ugly. Being a mess and finding yourself once again is totally normal to me now and the craziness together with major insanity can still get the out of me. I’m having fun, but I’m slowly becoming unhappy. The only reason why I’m holding on is I’m already near the finish line. Everybody, even Sajangnim is telling me that I might debut earlier than expected and all I have to do is prove myself a bit more.

Today is special for me because I’m gonna make a big turn and somewhat another life changing move. Exactly three months ago, a model scout approached me in front of Mcdonalds while I was chatting with Khun and Eon, and asked me if I’m willing to give modeling a shot.

“uhmm…I actually don’t know” I answered and looked at Eon right away.

“Hello ma’am…I’m Eon Lee from JYP Entertainment…her manager” Eon butted in and I sighed in relief.

“Ow! Hi there! I’m Phoebe…I’m a talent scout from IMG Modeling Agency” she introduced with a bright smile “I saw your talent when I was about to cross the street and I told myself that I cannot let her slip for she’s really beautiful” she said and Khun pinched my arm.

“What?” I mouthed at him.

“Beautiful…yeah right” he mouthed back and I just rolled my eyes at him.

“Anyway…I’ll just give you my company card…you can call us anytime….but I’m really hoping that you will consider because she can really be a model” she said and I just smiled at her.

I don’t know, but I’m not cool with these modeling agencies anymore after what happened to me before. According to Eon, it’s a legit modeling agency and he proved it to me for he contacted Sajangnim right away about this job opportunity and Sajangnim personally called the agency to check it.

“You are going to be a model…dope!” Khun said after Eon told us about his conversation with Sajangnim.

“I really don’t wanna be one” I told him and he hissed.

“You know what? You’re really abnormal…every girl’s dream is to become a model…and here you are…saying no to it” he said and I smirked.

“I once dreamt of being one…but…I had a very bad experience with it and I really don’t want history to repeat itself once again” I said and he looked at me curiously.

“O….K…why didn’t I know this?” he asked and I rolled my eyes at him.

I guess, I’ve filtered some of my stories to Khun and it’s all because I don’t really find it essential to go in details anymore. Believe it or not, we are still good friends even if I dumped him months ago. Yes, I’m one who had the guts to dump a hot and a very nice guy like Nichkhun, and I have a valid reason as to why it all end up there.

“Look…we are friends…good friends…and I don’t want to ruin that…once and for all…I’ve been so clear that I really don’t want to enter a relationship or even entertain a guy for my heart is owned by one person already and I don’t want to hurt somebody by giving him hope that he has a chance on me” I told him and tears started pooling in his eyes.

I hate myself for making guys cry. I mean, G-dragon cried buckets or even a river of tears because of me and now, Khun is about to cry and it’s just so painful to see because he’s got good motives and all he did is confess what he’s feeling to me, and here I am, breaking his heart in a flash.

“Khun” I said and reached for his hands “Two people can be perfect for each other….but if the timing’s wrong….it’s never going to work out” I told him and he gave me a nod.

“You’re right…it’s never gonna work out…don’t worry…I can understand” he said and I pulled him for a hug.

“I know that things won’t be the same between us anymore…but there’s still a part of me hoping that nothing will change…I really don’t want to lose a good friend just because of love” I looked straight into his eyes and he smiled.

“Who told you that there’ll be changes? Are you nuts? Why would our friendship change when we totally blend so well…as I’ve said…I just took the risk to tell you the truth for I feel like you deserve to know…and I don’t want to keep it all in for I’m afraid that once I explode…you’re going to distance yourself from me…and I don’t want that to happen…now that it’s all out in the open already…I feel so light coz at least you’re aware that I care for you so much and I’m always gonna be here for you…this feelings won’t go away soon...I’m sure of that…so…you gotta live with it…don’t worry…I’m not going to go overboard…I’ll still be the sweet Khun that you know…the cute and extremely hot friend of yours” he said and I pushed him away from me.

“Whatever!” I said, making him laugh so hard.

All I can say is, Khun is manlier than I thought. He took everything lightly although I know that he’s hurting inside. I feel so bad for turning him down, but it’s better to be honest to him than make him wait for nothing. I’m just thankful that he was able to understand where I’m coming from and we promised each other that nothing will change. Not even when he has a strong romantic feeling for me.

And now, our friendship is stronger than ever. He’s based in Korea once again but never fails to visit me when he’s got a long vacation. Like now, he’s here once again and it’s much more special for Eun hee and Dong min is also here for a week vacation.

It’s really a sweet reunion when they arrived for I haven’t seen Minnie and Mouse for a whole year. Well, they are so busy with their respective jobs that they can’t even take a week off. Dong min is working at his father’s advertising company as its CEO and is also a part time director as well. Eun hee on the other hand is a stylist for YG’s girl group, the one that G-dragon is handling. Actually, she isn’t expecting this job at all, but G-dragon called her one day and asked if she likes to join their team and because she loves styling and is itching to work already, she accepted it and now, she’s rocking the group with her one of a kind styling.

“So this is your super dope pad” Eun hee said the moment she walked in my apartment.

“Yeah...isn’t it cool?” I asked and they gave me a nod.

“I love the interiors…I swear! This is one heck of a pad” Dong min said and I hugged his arm.

“Aigoo…Lucky!” he called and my gigantic dog rushed to him.

“OMO! YAH!” Eun hee almost jumped on the couch, making us laugh.

“You never changed” I told her and she rolled her eyes at me.

“I can’t believe it! You are living so well! It’s far from the filthy apartment that you’ve lived in for years!” she exclaimed and I just chuckled.

“Yaaa….Jiyong hyung is still living in that filthy apartment up till now” Dong min said and I looked at him in shock.

“What the heck!” Eun hee said and hit his head.

At last, after a year of not even a single update about him, I’m gonna have my dose now and I will squeeze the hell out of them if I have to just for them to speak out. I know that I should just go to the internet and search for his name, but I didn’t even dare to and it’s all because, I know that 90% of whatever’s written there is not true at all.

“Guys…I’m ready to listen to whatever…please…tell me what’s going on with his life nowadays” I told them while we’re hanging out in the pool.

“Fine” Eun hee said and took a deep breath.

“Jiyong is still living in your old apartment…he has been there ever since you left and if you’re going to see it…he hasn’t changed a thing at all…your clothes are still there…he brings everything to the laundry to get it cleaned and whatnot…he still got the Book of Love and have read it as well…he has seen that Ideal man list of