“Love is an act of will - namely, both an intentional and an action. We do not have to love. We need to choose love”

All this time, I’ve been telling myself that love should be erased first in my vocabulary for I don’t have time for it and I will just screw things up the moment this heart of mine started loving. Some men made this heart of mine beat, but I have brushed all of them off my system and continued life with a stagnant and numb heart. I don’t know, but I can already feel that my heart will fire back soon and it will totally go against my mind.

“He didn’t made me sleep once again….what am I going to do Lucky? Mom has been thinking of him again and this ” I said as if my little puppy can understand me.

Lucky is all I have right now for I can’t share these feelings of mine to Eun hee and Dong min. I don’t want them to think that I’m in-love for I know that they will go crazy once I tell them and I’m still weighing my feelings. I’m not even sure if this is really admiration or he’s just a crush.

“But once you crush on someone….eventually….you will feel love as well…right?” I asked while his head.

“What will I do now? I’m screwed up…not to mention…I haven’t slept well for two days straight already” I said and he looked at me and tilted his head.

“If only you can talk” I moved my face closer to him and he it.

My mind is ed up as well as my heart and it’s telling me to just go with the flow, but I just can’t. I still have a lot of things to think of and love, crushes or whatever you call it has no place in my life. I’m living a very complicated life already and I don’t want to complicate it more.

“I have to snap out of it…I have to!” I said to myself in front of the mirror and sighed heavily.

I’m a bit grateful for classes will start a little late today. That just means that I still have time to rest and maybe sleep even just for a while. Lucky is being a total bum for all he does is sleep and eat. This puppy is truly lucky for he doesn’t have to work, go to school and think about love.

“What are you looking at? Huh?” I asked when he stopped walking.

I went to my room and picked him up, and then I heard a familiar voice and it made me go crazy once again. G-dragon is being interviewed and it seems like Lucky stopped from walking because he has recognized his voice.

“Is he familiar to you? Well yes little boy…he’s the man who saved us and played with you at the bus stop” I told him and took a sit at the edge of my bed.

“He looks different on television” I said while watching his interview.

I don’t know, but he looks cold on screen and it’s really the opposite in person. The way he smiles is still the same but I feel a little cockiness in him. Oh well, maybe it’s just me who feels it. His image is really different on screen and off screen. How I wish he can show his warmness even on television.

“TINKY! YOOHOO!” I heard Dong min calling out and I immediately went to open my door.

“Heyah!” he said with so much energy with Eun hee beside him.

“Wazzup!” I said and he got Lucky from me while I hug Eun hee.

“Your house smells like dog already” she said, making me chuckle.

“Mouse…it’s just normal…just don’t mind it” I told her and she sighed.

“Wow! This house is a little clean….wonder what gotten into you that made you clean up” Dong min said and sat on the bean bag.

“I was able to clean last night” I told him and they looked at me weirdly.

“Last night? Aren’t you dead beat yet that you were still able to clean?” Eun hee asked while checking the contents of my refrigerator.

As a matter of fact, the reason why I was able to clean last night is because I don’t want to waste my time staring in space while waiting for sleep to arrive. So, I’ve just decided to dust off and all I can say is, I’ve never cleaned so much in my life until now.

“oohhh….seems like you’re really getting into the G-dragon fever” Dong min said when he entered my room.

“Huh? What are you talking about Minnie?” I asked and followed him inside.

“You’re watching Big Bang and I bet your eyes are glued to only one person even if there are five of them” he said and Eun hee tickled me.

“You must really like him” mouse said and I slapped her arm.

“I don’t…I’m telling you…I’m just joking yesterday” I reasoned out and they didn’t buy it at all.

“Jokes are half meant and you can’t fool us…we know so well that you were damn serious when you said that” Eun hee said and I sighed.

“I’m not…trust me” I told them and they just rolled their eyes at me.

I really hate lying to them, but I don’t want to announce something that I’m not even sure about. Yes, I do like G-dragon, but I’m still arguing with myself if this is right or wrong. Actually, I can feel that this is all wrong for it’s just so impossible for me and him to even get close. I can talk to him but it’s not like we’re friends. There is still a fine line in between us and a hot superstar like him wouldn’t even dare to hook up with a waitress like me.

“Just admit it Tinky…after all…it’s just us who’s going to know about it” Dong min said and I shook my head.

“I’m being honest here…I don’t have any feelings for that guy and I’m just fond of him because he’s really kind” I told them and they hissed.

“You always say that …you know…there’s nothing bad in having a crush or an inspiration…you can always like a person and it’ll not hurt you at all…it doesn’t mean that because you like him you need to take it seriously…you can just make him as your inspiration and a person whom you can look up to” Eun hee said and I sighed.

“Seriously…you two needs to get out of this G-dragon thing already…this is just so pathetic of us…I mean…a superstar wouldn’t even give a damn on a waitress for he’s got a lot of women under his sleeves who are more attractive like models….celebrities and whatnots….so let’s shut it” I told them and I can already feel that they’ll react in a big way.

“Just to let you know…not all celebrities goes for people in the same world as them….truth is…they want their partners to be outside their world coz it’s much peaceful…and I can see that G-dragon is the kind of celebrity who doesn’t care whether he’s crushing on some waitress or a high end model…I think he’s the kind of person who looks at girls evenly so him liking you is not far from possible you know” Dong min said and I just shook my head.

I don’t know, but I totally agree with Dong min. I can say that G-dragon is really not the type who will stick with the usual statuesque, Barbie type, small waist girls. He’s the kind who will look not only on the outside but also in the inside as well.

“Let’s stop this…I’m going to cook lunch…what do you want?” I asked just to end the conversation.

“Gosh! You are really good in changing the topic” Dong min said and I chuckled.

“I’m in the mood for some ramen today” Eun hee said and I looked at her strangely.

“Wow! Park Eun hee is tripping on some ramen…that’s new” I said and she chuckled.

“I said that because that’s the easiest to cook” she said and I laughed.

“I can cook you know…so if you want to eat something more complicated than a ramen….just say it” I told her and she smiled at me.

“Can you cook some Buldak” she said and I looked at Dong min and all he can