“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation”

I just made the biggest mistake of my life yesterday and I told myself that I will not risk my safety for money again. Yes, I’m on my second day of looking for fast money and up till now, I haven’t reached my goal yet. As a matter of fact, my hope that I’ll still get my things from Jin ajhumma is already fading. I know that, that woman will not take my money if it’s not the exact amount yet.

FROM Jiyong_Oppa: Yah! Why did you just hang up on me? What’s your problem? Ishi, you are making me nervous here. What’s up with you?

FROM Jiyong_Oppa: I’m sure that you just fell asleep that’s why you ditched me awhile ago but please tell me if you have any problems. I want to help you. I love you.

FROM Jiyong_Oppa: I cannot sleep and it’s all because of you. Yah! Is something bothering you? You can tell Oppa about it. I’m always here to listen and lend a hand. I love you and I miss you.

I’m really stupid for I fell asleep while talking with G-dragon last night. What can I do? I’m too exhausted and my eyes are giving up on me already. As much as I want to talk to him, I cannot even find the strength to open my mouth.

“Oppa…answer it…please” I said while waiting for him to pick up my call.

It is really hard to hide from the people here. I even have to lock myself inside the bathroom just to make a call for the boys are so loud in the living room and Rin is in her room.

“mmmm”

“OPPA! It’s Ishi!” I said right away with my heart racing.

“OH! Yah!” he said and I can already sense that he’s mad at me.

“Oppa….I’m really sorry for last night…I was too tired and I fell asleep while we’re talking” I told him and he sighed.

“I knew it! Where are you right now?” he asked.

“I….I…I’m here in my apartment…why?” I answered and felt guilty from lying once again.

“Ishi…be honest with me” he said and my heart started pumping wildly “Do you have any problems? Are you going through something that you just don’t want to tell me about?” he asked and I took a deep breath.

“Oppa…I’m all good…as I’ve said…work is really eating me up but don’t worry…I’m fine” I lied and tears started rolling down my cheeks.

Call me stupid or crazy but I cannot find the strength to tell him what I’m going through. Yes, I know that I’m being unfair to him for not telling the truth when he has all the rights to know it, but I’m afraid that he might get angry at me once I tell him that I nearly sold my body just to earn money.

“Are you sure?” he asked and I cleared my throat.

“Yes” I answered in my nasal voice.

“Why are you crying?” he asked and I felt nervous again.

“I’m just missing you” I answered and there was silence on his end.

“Ishi…do you want me to go back tomorrow? I’m really bugged by your actions these days and it’s already alarming” he said and I shook my head as if he can see it.

“No need Oppa…after all…we’ll be seeing each other soon already…so no need to go here anymore” I said and bit my lip to stop myself from sobbing.

“I miss you so badly Ishi….I can’t wait to go back there…just don’t over work yourself…I’m telling you….I’ll really force you to stop from working once you get sick and this time…I don’t care whether you go against it or what…look…you don’t have to work this much coz I am here and I’m so ready to help you” he said and I sighed.

Here we go again. I actually don’t want to hear anything about him spending and lending money just because of me. First of all, he is working his off for himself and not for me so there’s no need for me to benefit from what he’s getting.

“Oppa…promise me that once you get back…everything will still be fine between the two of us” I told him.

“Huh? Ishi…here you go again…being so random and talking about things that bothers me” he said and I just sighed.

“I don’t know…I’m just afraid that this distance will change something between us” I reasoned out and he sighed.

“Aigoo…my beautiful girl is thinking of non-sense things once again…nothing is going to change between us…I promise you that” he said and it made me smile.

“Alright oppa….I’ll take your word…I love you so much and I can’t wait to hug and kiss you…aigoo…you really changed my life and I don’t know how to pick myself up for I’ve fallen badly” I said and it made him laugh.

“Yah! It’s just fine for you to fall because I’m in the same boat as you…but I’m not even exerting effort to pull myself up…I’m crazy over you and this is the first time that I’ve said that to a girl…so you’re lucky young lady” he said and it melted my heart.

“I swear! You just made my innards flip…I love you oppa….so much” I said and I feel light again.

“I love you too…just remember that I’m always here for you…I may not be there right now but you’re always in my heart and mind…as a matter of fact…I found myself doodling on a music sheet yesterday while in the middle of a meeting and the whole paper has your name on it” he said and I smiled coz of his cuteness.

“That’s very middle school oppa…actually…I’ve never done that…oh well…I really had you locked up in my heart so yeah…enough of the cheesiness” I said, making him laugh so loud.

We talked for an hour or so and were interrupted when the guys started banging on the door because lunch is already set. Well, it alarmed G-dragon for he heard guys on my end, making me lie to him again. I told him that it was just my neighbor shouting at his wife.

“Are you sick? Is your stomach not good?” the fat guy asked.

“I am…actually…you can go ahead and eat lunch….my stomach is not in its best condition” I told them and Rin looked at me worriedly.

“Sunbaenim…do you need some medicine? I can go out and buy it for you” she said and I shook my head and smiled at her.

“No need to bother anymore Rin…I’m gonna be fine” I told her and she just gave me a nod.

“If you’ll excuse me…I’ll just take a rest for a while” I said and they all nod.

I don’t know, but after two days of living here, I’m not yet comfortable with the guys and I still don’t want them to go near me. I know that I should give people a chance to change my first impressions on them, but I really don’t want to risk once again for I have a bad feeling about the guys, especially the one who asked me if I already have a boyfriend coz he has been so sneaky and I always feel like he’s following me with his eyes every time I’m in sight.

“Can we still make it Lucky?” I asked my innocent puppy while looking at my budget list.

“Grandma….please help me with this…tell God that it’s time for me to live a prosperous life now” I looked at the ceiling and closed my eyes.

All that I can do now is pray that one day things will go right for me. But then again, there are times wherein God takes a long time to grant every prayer and like what my grandmother always tells me “He is listening so just keep on praying for once he felt that you’re sincere and you badly want it, he will not even think twice and will give it to you a hundred times better”

I almost forgot that I have an appointment with a modeling agency today. I know that I will take another risk again but I’m positive in this one for I have a feeling that the guy who offered me this job is a good one.

“Good Afternoon…I’m looking for Mr. Sung…is he available?” I asked the receptionist and she looked at me f