“Love cannot be found where it doesn’t exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does”

Week 24

I think I’m ready to go out of the dark now. Things are going well for me and after six months of being here, I believe that I’m well adjusted already. I don’t know, but I’m seeing life in a beautiful perspective once again, which is a good thing.

I still love him, so much. Thing is, I have to move on in order for me to achieve my goals. After all, that’s the reason why I left. I’m taking things lightly and I’m finding myself little by little. It is so hard to be away from him, not even having any contact at all, but I’m enduring the pain and longing for I know that the moment I come back to him, I can already love him in full swing. This is going to be a long process, but I’m ready for whatever hurdles and challenges come my way, for I know that at the end of it all, it is gonna be worth it.

“ISHI SHIN! ISHI SHIN!”

Here comes Eon. My lovely manager is my human alarm clock and he’s really consistent. He’s always five minutes earlier and whenever laziness hits me, he’ll be dragging me out of bed just to get me going. I can remember Dong min and Eun hee in him. Well, he confessed something to me and it didn’t shock me at all for it’s pretty obvious. Ok. He’s like Dong min. He has two balls but with a heart of a girl as well. Honestly, it didn’t even bother me at all for I’m used to all the craziness and the fun things that his super creative mind can think of.

“Seriously…you’re starting to be a lazy queen once again” Eon said the moment I walked out of my room with my messy hair and my sense button still off.

“Why wouldn’t I be lazy when it’s another Godzilla day for me” I told him, earning a loud laugh from him.

“I thought you’re already used to it?” he asked while putting food on my plate.

“Who would get used to him? I mean….it’s been what? Six months and he’s still ing out on me” I said, making him laugh.

Well, my dance coach, Mr. Baek is still the same terror monster that he is and I’ve called him Gozilla ever since. But in all fairness to him, he is a great teacher and I’m learning a lot from him. I can pop, lock and even breakdance now and it’s all because of him. It took me buckets of sweat, countless ice packs and tablets of pain killers to be good at it and of course, for Godzilla, GOOD ISN’T ENOUGH.

After breakfast, I rushed to the bathroom right away to prepare for training, and even though my lazy body just wants to stay in bed, I don’t have a choice but to go on with the training basically because it’s part of my responsibilities as a trainee. I will not waste this good opportunity just because I hate my coach. I will finish what I’ve started and like what I did when I was still in college, I will finish this with flying colors.

“Here comes Godzilla” Eon said softly, making me pout.

“C’mon now Ishi” Mr. Baek entered the studio without even looking at me or greeting me and I don’t have a choice but to follow him.

And hell begins. I’ve learned how to change into my training clothes in just a matter of two minutes and then run around the building from first to fifth floor, after that, I’m gonna do Mr. Baek’s one of a kind stretching. It’s been a routine already and the words “tired and “exhaustion” are not in my vocabulary anymore.

“You have to balance singing and dancing! Don’t just focus on singing!” Godzilla yelled which only means one thing, and that is I have to repeat the whole routine once again.

My coaches are now bringing things into another level and it’s getting difficult by the minute. Truth is, I’ve still got a lot to learn and it’s just so insane for work is doubled and more complicated as time passes by.

“Sync your singing to your dancing!”

“AGAIN!” he keeps on yelling and I nearly threw the microphone that I’m holding at him.

Six grueling hours of non-stop dancing and once again, I fell flat on the floor because of exhausation after Mr. Baek left the studio.

“Aigoo…someone’s been tortured once again”

“Hey Khunnie” I greeted lazily and forced myself to sit.

“Get up” he reached out his arms for me to hold onto and he lifted me without any effort at all.

“Seriously…you should eat more...your light as a paper already” he said, earning a smirk from me.

“Make it cotton” I said and he chuckled.

Nichkhun and I became friends a few days after we were introduced to each other. He approached me after my training and offered me a drink, I took it for it’ll be so rude if I don’t. They are my seniors and I have to pay respect. After all, Khun is really kind and a true gentleman as well. Actually, we were awkward friends at first because everybody keeps on teasing us and they always compliment us saying “You look so good together”. Who wouldn’t be awkward with that, right? It did become an issue, but as time goes by, I’ve realized that it’s all fine with me since I know that I wouldn’t even be shaken and we just see each other as friends and that ends there.

One more thing, he also knows everything about me and G-dragon. I was able to open it up to him a few months ago and his reaction is really epic.

“Hey” he sat beside me on the bench and I just looked at him and smiled.

“What’s up? You look like you’ve been thinking so deep for a long time already” he said and I sighed.

“Oh…never mind….I’m just screwed up….I’m trouble” I told him and he chuckled.

“I like trouble” he said and I stared at him.

“Really…huh?” I asked and he giggled.

“Seriously…what is it? You know…it’s easier to deal with something if you have someone to share it with” he said and I sighed heavily.

At that point, I felt like he’s the person that I’ve been looking for. The one whom I can share my problems with and the one who doesn’t even mind wasting time listening to my non-sense. I know that there are two types of secrets, the kind you want to keep in and the kind you don’t dare to keep in mind, and I think I don’t have to keep my broken relationship as a secret to my co-workers anymore. After all, we know that these kinds of things are not to be publicized no matter how hard people squeeze us.

“OK…it looks like you don’t know where to start” he said and I nod in agreement “Is it about your family?” he asked and I shook my head.

“I’m an orphan…I got no family anymore” I told him and he looked at me in shock.

“uhhmm….I’m sorry to hear that” he said frantically, earning a chuckle from me.

“It’s all good…it doesn’t even bother me anymore” I said and he smiled.

“Alright…hmmm…is it about training? Mr. Baek? Ms. Na?” he asked and I shook my head once again.

“Well…Mr. Baek is really a pain in the but I can still endure him…and Ms. Na is an angel…there’s nothing to worry about when it comes to her” I said and he sighed.

“Ah! I’m gonna bet my whole life in this” he said and I looked at him in anticipation “Love! You have love problems!” he snapped and I looked away, and he clapped like a little child who just won a price.

And that’s where it all started. I didn’t ven dare to drop G-dragon’s name at first for it’ll be harder to tell the whole story if his name will be said but I gave in, in the end.

“OH! So it’s really true! Jiyong sunbaenim is really dating and he is dating you!” he said in shock and I gave him a nod.

“Well…yeah….he is…but that was before…we already broke up…seven months ago to be exact” I told him.

“I hope you don’t mind” he said “But…why did you broke up? I mean…based from your story…it looks like you’re in a perfect relationship…why did you end it?” he asked and I sighed heavily.

Here comes the hardest part. The break-up. I don’t know, but up until now I still can’t talk about it comfortably. Eon even has to dig deeper just to get the story out of my system.

“Where will I start?” I asked and he shrugged.

“uhhmm….I’m sure that you are aware of his recent scandal…the one with the beauty queen” I started and he gave me a nod.

“I know Kim Juri as a matter of fact…he’s got a boyfriend” he told me and I just stared at him.

“I know…my friends and s have said the same thing as well” I said and sighed.

“And you’re not believing it?” he asked carefully and I gave a slight nod.

I told him everything that happened that day. From G-dragon’s no-show on my graduation, to his reason as to why he wasn’t able to make it. According to Khun, I’ve reacted naturally and it’s understandable. Thing is, I should’ve considered his explanations too. I’ve heard the same things and it’s giving me a huge wave of pain once again.

“I don’t know…but…I just can’t deal with his world anymore…I mean…your world as well…I guess…being in a secret relationship is really not for me” I told him and he sighed.

“It really is hard to date when you’re “owned” by the public…but…it’s just saddening because you look like you’re really in-love with each other” he