When infatuation becomes love
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/611131/when-infatuation-becomes-love-eunhyuk-fluff-hyukjae-kyuhyuk-kyuhyun-superjunior-slightangst

About: Kyuhyun(SUJU)+Eunhyuk(SUJU), , romance, fluff, slight angst

Ahri
Finished 4/27/14

Title: 4/5 While the title is somewhat original since I haven't seen one like this before, I think you can do a lot better. Your story has a lot of things that could relate to the title indirectly. This title also should be capitalized, 'When Infatuation Becomes Love'.

Foreword: 9/10 "He loved his hyung, since when he didn't know..." should be 'He loved his hyung. Since when, he didn't know...'

Besides this one mistake of a run-on sentence, your foreword is neat and really nice because it hooks the readers in and gives a glimpse of the starting plot of your story.

Plot: 16/20 Your plot is pretty cliché except for the fact that Hyukjae hates gays, but I think you can do better. You could highlight Hyukjae's hate more instead of going on with the events because it doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel like Hyukjae actually hates gays, the way you describe how easily he forgave Kyuhyun. Give some more twists to make your story more original because a lot of events that has happened is quite common in these types of stories.

Characters: 19/20 I really like your detailed characters and how you made sure to take some space to describe their feelings. In other words, your characters have a lot of life, and they feel real enough for the readers to fall in love with them.

The only problem is that Kyuhyun should hold out on his affections before rushing it all in one day because that was too fast for readers to truly get an understanding of him. Show more of his daily life with Kyuhyun. Show us how he usually interact with Kyuhyun, like give a scene in which they go shopping together or something to show us how close they are.

Grammar and Spelling: 18/20 You switch from past to present tense a few times. Remember to keep your tenses the same at all time. You also have a few run-on sentences that can be overlooked very easily. Just to remember that a comma does not separate two full sentences. It separates two incomplete sentences. You have to use periods or semi-colons. Otherwise, you don't have any spelling mistakes, only grammar.

Flow: 14/15 What happened in chapter two when Kyuhyun got drunk can come in at chapter three because it has only been one day since  you introduced the characters to the readers. You don't have to rush the events. Your flow is a bit too fast because everything is happening at once. In one chapter, you skip three months. Slow down and give the readers some time to understand your setting first.

Enjoyment: 4/5 The flow made your story a little shaky, and your plot doesn't have an twist that stands out, so I can't really enjoy this completely.

Structure: 3/5 "Who is that?", is wrong because after the quotes, you don't need a comma. Everything (commas, exclamation marks, etc) should be inside the quotes if they are part of the dialogue, but the comma isn't, so it's unneeded.

Second, only one person should speak in each paragraph, so start another one when another person is speaking.

Why do you bold your dialogue? That is unnecessary.

In the beginning of chapter four, you don't need to write an author note describing what the flowers mean because you already included the meaning later on when Kyuhyun is explaining it to Eunhyuk.

When writing a story, all numbers lower than ten should be written out, so in the beginning of chapter five, "3 months" should be 'three months'.

Overall: 87/100 Your story has a lot of potential because the characters are described very well and are very believable. Your plot and flow overshadowed them because the plot doesn't have any interesting twists, and the flow is too fast. Slow down, get down some solid background information, show some more scenes between Hyukjae and Kyuhyun before getting Kyuhyun drunk, and then move on with the plot. Your grammar and structure can be fixed easily, so those are fine.