Shallow Life

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/329080/shallow-life-angst-beast-junseung-romance-2jun

About: angst, beast, junseung, romance, 2jun

Bleu

Finished on  5/13/2014

Title 5/5–I absolutely love your title, and although I find it a little bit boring and cliché. It fits perfectly with your story and I definitely have nothing to complain. Good job.

Foreword 9/10–I personally was truly amazed by your foreword and description, I had no idea how something so, simple, and short could make me clinched to the story already. The only thing that I would change is your description, it's too bland for me, I feel like, for a description, and compared to your writing skills, you can do so much better and I just felt a little bit disappointed when I first say your description. Your foreword is absolutely perfect, it does it's job, which is, after having your description catching the readers attention, the foreword's job is to quickly give the reader the information he/she wants, without overextending or anything. In the end, overall, I feel like your foreword is absolutely perfect (besides from the description) and I would definitely be obsessed with your story. Keep it up!

Plot 19/20–This story is really intriguing, and your plot is one of a kind! I have never seen anything like this, and I personally, had no clue what was going to happen next and who would end up with who! Like, I feel like this story, I'm gonna crave for more of these types of stories! Your writing style really lets me imagine the whole story, and I personally, am really glad for that. The only thing I'm scared of is that this story will be those stories that will make me mad instead, for example, the main character's lover is going to die, or anything that will just, be a huge plot twist and I'll be like,”Please, oh, god, no.” Although this isn't bad, I'm just really amazed that something that's not even a native English speaker can speak to my tastes and preferences so well. I really think this story is really good.

Characters 17/20–The first thing I noticed about your characters is that you do a really good job, and I really like the idea of slowly introducing the past lives of your characters little by little, keeping up the suspense without getting the readers lost and stuff. I really enjoy how you make the readers imagine and comprehend what is going to happen next and it's also exciting finding out if my imaginations were correct or not. Something I found to my dislike was that, although I do understand that this is a more melancholic genre, I don't like the fact that almost all of the characters have a dark past. I find it a little bit, over-generized, I wish you have that one character, that one character that is in almost any story, the preppy, optimistic type that cheers the readers up when they're in prevail. I wish there were a little bit more, twists and confusions in your pairings. Cause it was just way too obvious about which character was going to end up with which. I really wish you had some more twists, maybe jealousy, death, or even betrayal. Anything that will make the readers confused about who is going to end up with which.

Grammar and Spelling 18/20–The only thing I noticed is that sometimes, you tend to put a space before you input a question mark. There is no need for that because a question mark, or any ending punctuation, is supposed to be connected with the last word in your sentence. So, you should not have a space between these punctuations; such as, commas, periods, exclamation marks, and question marks. Something else I had notice is that whenever you write dialogue and you plan to have a “she said” or anything along these lines after your dialogue, you should never end your dialogue with a period, you MUST, and I emphasize it, MUST, use a comma. Because your sentence is not over yet, it has to continue you so please no period. Besides from this, I was really surprised. Especially from a non-native English speaker, you were able to write such a high-caliber piece of literature. Although you may think otherwise, I've seen a lot of writings by actual native English speakers, and they are no where as good as yours. All I have to say is good job and I have absolutely nothing to complain about your grammar or spelling, just the formatting that's all.

Flow 14/15–The only thing I would like to complain about your flow, is your twists and cliffhangers. Although you do a really great job at adding them and making them emphasized and have a huge impact into your readers mind, I feel like you over-looked something. I think you should add some twists to your pairings, don't make them that obvious this early in the story, or else it will ruin all your momentum you've built up. Besides from this, your flow is absolutely perfect, you know exactly how to use transitions and everything. Also, I think you do a great job at introducing the character's past life, bits and pieces.

Enjoyment 5/5–I absolutely enjoyed this story, you have no idea. I have no clue how to express my feelings of gratitude for this story besides from recommending it. I would love to do more, but I personally have no other idea how. Great job on writing your story, and I would love to continue reviewing stories from you.

Structure 5/5–Perfect.

Overall 92/100–All I have to say is that you do an amazing job for a non-native English speaker. Your writing skills and literature skills is definitely a high-caliber, and I have absolutely nothing I can really complain about this story. I would be glad to recommend this story, and although I would like to do more, I have no idea how. I really hope to continue reviewing stories from you! Please do come again!