Last Farewell

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/729052/last-farewell-angst-dark-infinite-sunggyu-woohyun

About: angst, dark, infinite, sunggyu woohyun

Bleu
Finished on 8/13/2014

Chapters Read 1/1

Author Note–Hello, this is Bleu also known as iShiroKins, the reason I'm writing an author's note is because I've realized that you must be quite upset of how late this review is. Please be assured that we did not forget you, or was it because we were lazy and didn't want to work on your review. We have exactly all of the requests in order. Although this isn't a proper or acceptable excuse for having a late request, the reasons why we've been so backed up is because of the following...Okay, so in April-May a lot of members went on vacation and so on, and then, when they came back, it was not long for them to have their finals. This really gave us the worse situation ever, I'm sure you guys, as fellow authors, know how hard it is to balance Asianfanfiction and school finals. I do not think this will be a good enough excuse or apology for you to look away from this mess-up, but please know that we had no means of showing disrespect or ignorance to this review.

Title 2/5–It's okay, nothing that special or unique about your title. I mean, I've seen many titles with the same wording and formatting. Another thing is, I don't really feel like “Last Farewell” was expressed that well into your story. I mean I understood that Sunggyu was going to say goodbye to Woohyun and never see him again, but I don't really feel like it was relevant enough.

Foreword 6/10–I really love your foreword, it really embodies the story into such a short paragraph. You did a really great job at intriguing the readers and I was really impressed on how neat this paragraph is. I love how neat and organized your foreword was, the way you formatted “Water by Fred Leebron” was really unique.

I don't like how this page was JUST an excerpt from a story, there really wasn't anything that was written by yourself. I wish you had made it more “you” you should have had more stuff that was written by yourself.

I don't like how this whole entire page was literally something someone else wrote. Another thing I don't like is that you had “When Sunggyu first read this story, it never crossed his mind that years alter, it would tell his own.” at the bottom of the page. Because it was at the bottom of the page, I never really noticed it until I re-read this page over and over again. The positioning this sentence is in is really weird and odd.

I think you should have this above the excerpt of Water. I don't like how you have “My take on “Water” by Fred Leebron, written for my own contest.” at the top of your story. Why do you have something that's least important at the top, and something more important at the bottom? I don't think you understand the order of importance. What's most important should be at the top, and what's least should be at the bottom.

Correction(s)

1) Mistake–“After weeks of being cheated on and lied to, Sunggyu is finally ready to let Woohyun go. Though the way he does might leave you baffled.”

Correction–“After weeks of being cheated on and lied to, Sunggyu is finally ready to let go of Woohyun. Although the actions he does might leave you quite baffled.”

Plot 15/20–I find it odd how in your foreword, you only said that Woohyun has been cheating and lying to Sunggyu for only weeks. But in the story, you wrote month and year. I'm not sure if you wrote that on purpose, or you did it on accident and you weren't thinking about your foreword. Please remember that your foreword should correspond with your story. Your foreword shouldn't have anything different than your story, make sure your concepts are clear and straightforward.

When you were having Sunggyu talk about what he thought about a wink, I think you used it way too many times. I understand that you want to use repetition but you used it way too many times and it became rather redundant. Now here's a little tip, whenever you're using repetition with literature, the number three is the magic number. Always use three, since the number three is not too much or not too little. Haven't you ever wondered why in Goldilocks and the Three Bears there was only three of everything? It's because the author didn't want the story to be too redundant.

I was a little bit confused at the ending of the story, you mentioned that Sunggyu the gas stove but he didn't ignite it. Does that mean there was a gas leak or something? I found that really odd. I'm not sure how that would really affect the story and leaving Woohyun. I mean, nowadays, people give gas a scent so people will understand that there was a leak or something, so whenever Hoya or Woohyun would enter the house they should notice it. Also, does Woohyun or Hoya smoke? I'm not sure if you wanted to foreshadow that they were going to make a spark and make a fire. I like the meaning of this, but I wish you would have clarified it in your author note in chapter two.

Character 17/20–I was rather confused towards the end when Sunggyu entered “his” house. Was it Hoya's house? You never really confirmed whose house it was so I was quite confused. Another thing is, if it really was Hoya's house. How does Sunggyu even know what the password was? Was Hoya so careless to tell Sunggyu the password to his house? They've only been to his house once right? Kinda odd don't you think. Please make sure to clarify this scene a little bit more.

I really enjoyed Sunggyu's character, you really focused on him and made him the main point of the whole story. As for Woohyun and Hoya that's a little bit different though. I don't really feel anything from them, there really isn't that's important or unique about them. I wish there was just a little bit more information on who they were, especially Hoya. I understand that they're just minor characters, but give at least some information that gives them a reason to be in this story.

Grammar and Spelling 18/20–The way you used your commas was really odd. You put them in very weird places that you would never use if you were really talking. I felt like you weren't quite sure where you should put commas at some points, and you just wanted to have a comma there cause maybe you felt insecure or worried about something. Remember that a comma is just like a pause, imagine that you're saying the sentence and if you have a comma there always check if anybody would actually say that sentence with a pause at that certain position.

I'm kind of confused on the verb tense you chose at some points. You chose a present tense and it really didn't seem right, I think it was the verb you were going to use. I think you should have either change the tense or the word. Make sure that it makes sense or else.

Overall, your grammar and spelling was really well done. There was very little mistakes and I was really impressed.

Correction(s)

1) Mistake–“Does he, really?”

1) Correction–“Does he really?”

2) Mistake–“No, it's fine, hyung...”

2) Correction–“No, it's fine hyung...”

Enjoyment 4/5–I really enjoyed your story, although I was quite confused on the whole gas stove thing. But overall, this story was really interesting.

Structure 5/5–Perfect, nothing to complain about. But watch out with double-spacing since some people don't like it.

Overall 67/85=79/100–Your story was really neat and organized, but I wish there was a little bit more information about Hoya. I wasn't quite sure how Sunggyu knew how to enter Hoya's apartment. I don't think Hoya would just tell Sunggyu his password would he? Also, since when do houses have passwords?