Pleasure Down the Rabbit Hole
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/418702/pleasure-down-the-rabbit-hole-shorthiatus-donghae-eunhae-eunhyuk-fantasy-sihae-siwon-

About: Donghae(SUJU), Siwon(SUJU), Eunhyuk(SUJU), , romance, fantasy

Roseline
Finished 2/27/14

Title: 5/5 Great title! Creative and perfect for your story. It relates to every aspect of your story!

Foreword: 10/10 Great foreword and awesome layout! It's written in a creative way and tells a lot about the story without giving everything away. I love how instead of describing the plot, you describe the world your story is in and then give quotes from your characters to give the readers a glimpse of the story.

Plot: 17/20 While your plot is creative, it has a lot of holes. Who is Donghae? How did he end up there? While you did try to explain it in chapter three, it's really vague. Why is Donghae more special than the others besides being more innocent, so that Siwon would pay him more attention? Also, one really important factor is details! Your story is not very detailed. Having a lot of adjectives doesn't count as details because you don't describe anything deeply. You just write it down and move on. Give more details to your characters and background, not dialogue and action.

Characters: 17/20 Donghae seems really unrealistic since he is accepting the news that he is in another world too easily. You try to make him stress out, but it's not very emphasized since he still acts pretty normal. Also, why is Donghae going to school in Gaia? Why can humans go to school in that world? You also do not give a lot of information for characters, especially Donghae. You don't focus on characterization but on action instead. Try to give more details for your characters.

Grammar and Spelling: 17/20 You have a few run-on sentences which you try to separate with a comma but use a semi-colon or a period instead. You also switch from past to present tense a few times. Remember to keep your tense the same throughout the story! You don't have any grammar or spelling mistakes except for your tense changes.

Flow: 14/15 Your flow seems a bit rushed, yet smooth at the same time. In chapter one, I suppose you wanted a small prologue type of feeling, so it's okay, and chapter three made up for it. Chapter one is a bit shaky, no matter how much chapter three smoothed it out, because it doesn't have a lot of details and just goes right into the story.

Enjoyment: 4/5 I like this story, but the lack of details takes away one point.

Structure: 4/5 Sometimes you have two people speaking in the same paragraph. Look over your work to make sure you only have one person speaking in each paragraph.

Overall: 88/100 Great plot idea, flow, and spelling! Just remember to add more details, work on character development, and allow only one person to speak in each paragraph!