Coffee, Tea and Sugar Kisses
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/516230/coffee-tea-and-sugar-kisses-fluff-romance---yongguk-himchan-banghim

About: Yongguk(BAP)+Himchan(BAP), romance, , fluff

Roseline
Finished 2/23/14

Title: 3/5 The title has almost nothing to do with the plot. At first, I thought this would be a cute fluff showing Yongguk and Himchan drinking coffee together, but that is not what's happening in the majority of your story! You're writing about Yongguk on a business trip and Himchan as a model. The story isn't focused on the coffee.

Foreword: 8/10 While I do love your simple foreword, it's too simple. Unless this story is only focused on the coffee making event, then you should add more details, because your story isn't completely focused on that event. You also add in other side plots, so try to change your foreword so that it involves your entire plot.

Plot: 19/20 So far, I adore the in your story and how well-written it is, and your plot is pretty good. It seems original so far except for the lack of background information. We don't know anything about the characters, what's going on, what's happening. Try to insert in random pieces of background information along the story.

Characters: 20/20 Your characters are really realistic and well-described. I like their romance and how you highlight it. You also did a good job showing Himchan being a model and his doubts at betraying Yongguk's wish.

Grammar and Spelling: 17/20 You switch to present tense a few times, like "who's" instead of 'who was'. You also have a few grammar mistakes that can be easily overlooked.

Chapter one, P(aragraph)4 "At loud." should be 'Out loud.'
2. P14 "...making Himchan to almost wine at the loss of precious contact." should be '...making Himchan almost whine at the loss of precious contact.'
3. P15 "...and the second later Himchan was standing again in front of him - fixing the shirt collar he accidentally grumbled in the bliss of a moment." should be '...and a second later, Himchan was standing again in front of him, fixing the shirt collar he accidentally wrinkled when they were kissing.'
4. P34 "Yongguk, whatsoever, found that amusing..." should be 'Yongguk, however, found that amusing...'
5. P43 "Dimmed glint in Himchan's eyes that grew more lustful with every new move of Yongguk's hips against his', fastened breaths that escaped his parted red lips and slight tilt of his head to side - Yongguk saw that too many times to count, but he can never get bored of it. His lips found its way on delicate skin of Himchan's neck, claiming him as his'..." should be 'The dimmed glint in Himchan's eyes that grew more lustful with every move of Yongguk's hips against his, the quick breaths that escaped his parted red lips, and the slight tilt of his head to the side - Yongguk saw those too many times to count, but he can never get bored of it. His lips found its way to the delicate skin of Himchan's neck, claiming him as his...'

Chapter two, P1 "...he didn't want to get up even less then." should be '...he didn't want to get up even more.'
2. P16 "You should've waked me up." should be "You should've woke me up."

Flow: 14/15 While your flow is stable, you don't have any background information to give the readers a proper view of the world your story is in. What's going on? Who are the characters?

Enjoyment: 5/5 I really enjoyed the and the characters. Great job!

Structure: 5/5 Everything's neat and organized.

Overall: 91/100 Your title and foreword don't match the story inside! Your plot and characters are very good though, but you lack background information to give the readers prior knowledge of what's going on and who the characters are.