AnneOnym
❁Crimson Twilight Review Shop❁ {PAUSED/Finishing requests}
About: Kim Jong Kook+Ji Hyo, G-Dragon(Big Bang)+Dara(2ne1), Top(Big Bang)+Bom(2ne1), Seungri(Big Bang)+CL(2ne1), romance, horror, zombie apocolypse, character death
Katrina
Finished 3/29/14
Title: 5/5 I really love it! Unique and perfect for the story. I especially like how you replace the 'a' with a "K" since this story is about kpop stars.
Foreword: 8/10 One thing that is really unique about your foreword is the excerpt. Yes, excerpts are common everywhere, but I am talking about the bottom of it, where you tell the readers which chapter you got it from, instead of just labelling it as a plain excerpt. That is the first time I have seen that. Your foreword is very neat, but the last sentence of your description doesn't give off any excitement. It's not a very good hook. Yes, it does relate well to your story, but it's not that interesting, per se. It sounds too plain, almost like you are saying "They did this. Then this happened. Then that happened too." That is very exaggerated, but do you get the idea? Spice it up with more details.
Plot: 20/20 Great use of details to develop a thrilling plot that pulls the readers along. At first, I wasn't sure what to think of the story since zombie apocolypses are quite popular nowadays, especially since the release of Warm Bodies. You did make your story more original since the setting is focused on the inside of the YGE building which gives the readers a sense of suspense since the people are trapped inside a building where they could be cornered and killed any minute. That makes up for the somewhat cliché idea so that's good.
Characters: 18/20 The characters act pretty realistically, considering their situation. I like how you didn't rush the relationships right away from the start but gave about five chapters before getting into the main romance. Although, you should describe things from your characters' POV more often, and I mean from all of the main characters, not only one or two. Right now, some of your characters feel like they are the same person except for their gender or name. Try to describe more of their inner emotions to make them more diverse and easier to connect to.
Grammar and Spelling: 19/20 First of all, never start a sentence with a conjunction word. I've seen a few sentences where you write something like "And a scream was heard" which is incorrect. You have switched tenses one or two times in chapter five, near the beginning. You probably overlooked it and didn't notice. Overall, everything is really good, except for one typo and your habit of using conjunction words to start a sentence.
Chapter four, P(aragraph)62 "It had seen somewhat fun in the ktichen..." should be 'It had seemed somewhat fun...'
Flow: 15/15 You really did a great job with the flow. It pushed the story to a thrilling height, even though it took five chapters for most of the characters to come in. Either way, you spent time describing slowly the events that came before the zombie invasion and the characters' adaption to their new problems, and you gained full marks for this.
Enjoyment: 5/5 It was mainly the flow and the nearly perfect grammar that allowed me to read the story easier and enjoy it in the process. Full points!
Structure: 5/5 Everything's pretty neat and organized. This is only a personal preference, so I am not taking points off nor is this necessary, but I think your story would look better if you use another font like Cambria or Garamond, for example, because it makes the story look more professional, and there is more of an "oof".
Overall: 95/100 Overall, great details. They really brought the story to a thrilling point where the readers want to read on and find out what happens next. It makes people want to see who's going to die next and what happens along the story. The grammar and spelling are great! The flow is amazing. The only thing off are the characters because, even though you do a good job of describing their fears, they don't have enough of other emotions that make them different from one another.
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