The Love We Shared
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/522514/the-love-we-shared-wootae

About: Wooyoung(2pm)+Taeyeon(SNSD), romance,

Ahri
Finished 2/23/14

Title: 4/5 It's too general and lacks originality.

Foreword: 6/10 First of all, the description should always be in present tense. Second, the way you write it is too revealing. You already tell us that Taeyeon and Wooyoung will fall in love with each other. If the readers already know this, then what is the point of reading the story? 'All Kim Taeyeon wants is to have her own life and have fun, not be set up in blind dates and forced to find a "suitable" husband. For a while now, she has had a crush on her childhood friend, Doojoon, until she finds herself on a date with Jang Wooyoung, the new guy in her life who she feels inexplicably drawn to.' Try that description and see if it works better.

Plot: 15/20 The plot's really cliché I can predict everything. There aren't any twists to spice up the story, and all the themes are too common. Try to give your story any kind of unexpected twist to make it more interesting. There also isn't a solid plot- probably since you are rushing everything- but it's almost you're just writing whatever pops up in your head along the way. That is fine, but try to give some more thought to your plot. It's almost as if you're trying to build a house by starting with the door instead of the foundation.

Characters: 15/20 The characters are very poorly developed, Throughout the story, I see Taeyeon as more of a self-insert and mary sue instead of an actual character in a story. It's almost like she is what the author wants to be, not what the author wants to create. The character development is also very poorly done because the characters all act too rashly and childishly- and too unrealistically. Wooyoung just met Taeyeon and suddenly he kissed her and is confessing. Then, the next day they are sleeping together.

Grammar and Spelling: 14/20 First of all "Aniyo" means no in Korean, not hello. Hello would be "Annyeonghaseyo" but if you're not familar with the Korean language, I suggest you don't use it because it's confusing to use both English and Korean in a story unless the character is alternating between speaking Korean and then speaking English. The only time you can actually use both Korean and English is if you're saying "oppa, unnie, hyung, etc". Your story has a lot of run-on sentences. There are too many mistakes for me to correct, so I point out the ones that are most common, such as "your and you're" and "their and they're" and run-on sentences. To separate a run-on sentence, use a comma or semi-colon or just make it two separate sentences.

Chapter one, P(aragraph)1 "Taeyeon walked out of her friend's car holding onto her shoes walking into her home wobbling they just came from a club so she was pretty drunk, as Taeyeon got inside her parents were sitting in the living room waiting for Taeyeon to arrive home." should be 'Taeyeon stumbled out of her friend's car, holding onto her shoes and walking into her home, wobbling. They just came back from a club, so she was pretty drunk. As she entered, her parents, who were sitting in the living room, jumped up.'
2. P2 "Umma! stop setting me up with men I never met at least consult me first *sigh* I'm going shopping right now I don't want to be home right now." should be "Umma! Stop setting me up with men I never met before! At least consult me first." Taeyeon sighed. "I'm going shopping. I don't want to be home right now."

Chapter two, P1 "first your mean second your nice, do you have hormones or something?!" should be "First, you're mean. Second you're nice. Do you have mood swings or something?"

Flow: 11/15 Your flow is too fast and planned terribly. Wooyoung and Taeyeon fall in love right away even though they are supposed to hate each other first. There are barely any background information to set the story in place. You rush through everything without providing any information on what's going on. Who is Taeyeon? What is her life like? How old is she? Give background information first before jumping into the action and then rushing throughe everything.

Enjoyment: 2/5 The characters and plot were badly laid out. The grammar and spelling also need some looking-over. You also failed to inform me that there would be since I don't review , but I will not take point off that part since that is just a personal preference.

Structure: 3/5 Only one character should speak in each paragraph, instead of four all at once because that just jumbles up the words and make the story hard to read.

Overall: 70/100 The grammar is bad, the plot is not stable, the flow is too fast, and the characters are unrealistic. Try to think in your characters' shoes. What would you do if you were them? Try to think over your plot before starting because right now your plot doesn't have a solid stand. It could collaspe any minute because it's not planned out well.

Note: You have also failed to warn me that there would be . I don't review , but since it was only one chapter, I let it go. I didn't take any points off since you probably overlooked it in the staff page or forgot.