Look Right In Front Of You
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/693928/look-right-in-front-of-you-angst-romance---exo-hunhan-selu

About: Sehun(EXO)+Luhan(EXO), , romance, angst, , self-harm, 

Roseline
Finished 6/22/14

Note: I am so sorry for the very overdue review! It's because of some personal issues around April-May that made us overdue, and since finals are this and next week, some of us have been too busy to go on. Thank you so much for not canceling your request!

Title: 5/5 Normally, I hate these titles since they are really cliché and don't really have any meaning, but in your case, there is a meaning. Your story tells exactly what the title says, but it goes in more depth and shows what we have to look at exactly. It's like your title is a question, but your story is the answer.

Foreword: 10/10 At first when I was reading your description, I was kind of confused because I was like "Wait, Luhan likes Sehun as well?" Then, I read your mini-essay at the bottom, and it cleared for me. This is a wonderful foreword that doesn't just introduce the story but also gives the readers a moment of inspiration. I love how it's not part of the story, but it tells about the story and gives the readers something to remember. It's very unique, and you got yourself full marks with that.

Plot: 20/20 You took a cliché outline, twisted it around, and added in details here and there to create a new plot that is your own. The seemingly unrequited love with a best friend is very common these days, but yours is unlike any of the other ones I have read. It has emotions played into the plot that shows the raw beauty of love and how it can be harmful as well as blissful.

You don't just give the readers a scene to look at, but you also mix your background information in with the current timeline, giving the readers a BIGGER scene where they can understand the world the story takes place in.

Along with a detailed plot, you have the mood to piece everything together. I feel this city-at-night mood throughout your story, even when the setting is in the morning. Personally, I identify the city at night as a time of sensual love and big ambitions. Kind of like a peaceful tone after a long day battling with people for access to the sidewalk (I'm from NYC, so unfortunately I know this very well). This mood fits in with your plot, so full marks, especially since a mood is very hard to do (at least, I think it is; I don't know about you).

Characters: 19/20 I hate taking a point off for something so small, but I think you should tell us what Sehun's life is like away from Luhan. Specifically, what does his parents think of Luhan? I think they would hate him as well as I do since Luhan is pretty useless (I'm sorry, but I just personally feel a great dislike for him despite the troubles he has been through). You show Luhan's background perfectly, and I can see that he's not well-liked by his co-workers since he's too perfect in the appearance area, but what about Sehun? Does he have any friends because I think he would have a lot more who might be worried about his life with Luhan.

Specific Advice: Your characters are portrayed beautifully. You emphasize their emotions perfectly, and they feel so real. I can imagine them being my neighbors or something because they act so naturally, and their feelings are highlighted so well, I am actually feeling bad for Sehun. Normally, I don't feel anything when I'm reading books, not even bestselling ones such as "The Hunger Games" and especially not "Twilight." (I apologize if you like Twilight, but it's just not my cup of tea) Your story shows the processes of healing and breaking at the same time without making them contrast each other too greatly that it seems fake. Because you present Sehun's feelings so tremendously, when he suddenly lost all hope in Luhan, I don't even think it's rushed because his pain was illustrated so much that it makes sense. I mean, I can even feel Sehun's pain and imagine that his problem is mine, and personally, I really hate Luhan and the decisions he makes, but that's good! It's good that you can invoke emotions from your readers and have them either relate to or hate a character! I generally hate a lot of characters in all books but in yours, I especially hate Luhan, how narrow his mind is that it doesn't see what's right in front of him, and how selfish he is to only focus on his own pain that he brought to himself instead of seeing what Sehun, his caretaker basically, is feeling, and he even has the nerve to attack Sehun, thinking that he is wrong all the time.

Grammar and Spelling: 20/20 Perfect. That's all I can say because you have nothing wrong.

Enjoyment: 5/5 The wasn't too much because you blend it in as a story is unfolding, and your characters balanced everything out, so I enjoyed this very much.

Structure: 5/5 Everything's neat and organized.

Overall: 84/85=99 I feel so guilty for taking one point off for something so small that's it's basically unnoticeable unless you squint really hard, but if you establish what I'd pointed out, your story would be officially completed. Well, at least somewhat completed since stories are never finished. There is always something to be fixed, even if you can't find it. Anyway, I love your plot and characters, except for Luhan. Luhan is a great character though since he is described so well, but his pain does not reach my heart, which is a good thing, unless you want the readers to fall in love with him.