Confessions of a Philophobiac
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/700596/confessions-of-a-philophobiac-drama-oneshot-romance-exo-kai-luhan

About: Luhan(EXO)+OC, romance, family drama, oneshot, arranged marriage, 

Ahri
Finished 6/30/14
Note: I am extremely sorry for this super late review. It's mainly due to computer problems earlier in April-May. Thank you very much for not canceling your request!

Title: 4/5 Your title is unique and interesting enough to hook readers in. However, it does not suit the story because there is almost nothing about philophobia here. Aemi doesn't show any symptoms of being philophobic. All she shows is that she is stuck in an arrangement, but that can hardly count as being philophobic.

Foreword: 10/10 Honestly, I'm not entirely sure of my opinion on your foreword. First of all, I do like how you gave the definition of Philophobia instead of forcing the readers to google it, but you lack a description, and that's what throws me off. Then again, if you had included a description, it would have made your foreword look too detailed. In your case, I guess you can get away without an actual summary since your definition hinted at themes in the story without really telling the readers if they were really going to be shown or not. Putting aside this, your foreword is short and simple but interesting enough at first glance, so full marks here.

Plot: 17/20 Your plot is well-developed, and you have a good mood going on. I can't say that I have never seen the events in your story before. This is a very common theme, but your characters make up for it since they played it out really well.

You have the opposite problem of many writers. You focus too much on background information. For example, you would spend an entire paragraph or two describing Aemi's personality and how she rose to power instead of focusing on the current setting. This affects your ending, giving the illusion of it being rushed. It's actually okay but because you left out some important details, it leaves a dissatisfied feeling. For example, what happens to Aemi after the story? What will she and Luhan do? Instead of ending with them promising to never leave each other, end with them questioning their future or something. Second, where is she going to live? I'm pretty sure her father isn't going to accept her back, so she can't live in that lavish home anymore. Third, what happened to Seungyun? Will he come for her again? I don't think he went to jail since her father was still talking about a wedding even after he attacked her. Judging from his possessive personality, he will definitely come for her, so how will she protect herself? Because you left out these details, that's why it feels like your ending was just like "so they walked off into the sunset, all villains defeated." I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean, right?

Characters: 17/20 Generally, people who have phobias are terrified of whatever their phobia is, and they actually show symptoms such as sweating, nausea, dizziness, etc, but around the beginning, when we first meet Luhan, Aemi actually questions herself about her love for him calmly. She thinks about her emotions without any distress. It's too calm to be a phobia, don't you think? I understand if she ONLY thinks of him as a friend, but she was thinking about taking it further. I heard of people having minor cases, but they would still show SOME symptoms, even if it's not severe. Then this comes in again later on around the middle of the story, when she's assaulted by Seungyun, and she kisses Luhan. Even if she has a minor case of philophobia, she shouldn't get over it so easily.

Unless she's not the person with philophobia, and you're just using the word as an example to base your story off of? I don't really know, but is it that the purpose of this story is to inspire philophobiacs by showing them the good side of love?

Other than that, your characters are really well-described, and I like how you included the side relationship of Kai and Soeun.

Grammar and Spelling: 19/20 Your grammar and spelling are nearly perfect, except for two typos.

1. P(aragraph)18 "...which would allow her not to deal with them." should be '...as long as she didn't have to deal with them.' Your original sentence doesn't sound quite right, but I don't know if it's me, so if you think it's correct, then just tell me.

2. P 4th from the last (Both you and I don't want to count from the beginning, so let's start from the end) "...since when did you become so wreckless?" should be "...since when did you become so reckless?"

Enjoyment: 4/5 Your story had a lot of details, and the characters were very well-developed, but the ending left me with a lot of unanswered questions.

Structure: 5/5 Everything's neat and organized, so full marks.

Overall: 76/85=89 The story is well-written, and the characters are well-developed. The grammar and spelling are also nearly perfect. The problem is that your story basically has nothing to do with philophobia (unless I overlooked it?) except that they both have to do with unhappy arranged marriages, as told by your definition. The ending also left me dissatisfied because of the unanswered questions. Overall, I can see why you got featured, but you just have some underlying things that were overlooked.