Loving You (forever)
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/584395/loving-you-forever-drama-you-exo-marriage-chanyeol

About: Chanyeol(Exo)+OC, romance, drama, light angst, arranged marriage

Katrina
Finished 5/4/14

Title: 3/5 It's too general. Any story can relate to this title. Get a title that can only relate to your story. Relate to something in your story indirectly to give your readers a mystery to solve so at the end, they can be like "That's why the title is like that! That's so creative!"

Foreword: 7/10 Your description and overall foreword have a lot of grammar mistakes that may seem insignificant, but some of them make your foreword really hard to understand. Below, I fixed some of your mistakes.

Description: Rina has been living a normal life as a florist until suddenly, she finds herself engaged to Chanyeol. Marriage is the last thing she had ever wanted, but she is stuck with no way out after being tricked by him.

Hwang Rina: First of all, you write her name as "Rina" but in her description, she write it as "Rinah." Which is it? Rina(h) is a simple florist who had stayed with her aunt since she was very young. Being raised to be a proper lady by her aunt, she is very feminine and always wears a dress or a skirt. This is all you need for a character description because you should never reveal your characters' personalities in the foreword. Leave that for the readers to figure out as the story progresses.

Park Chanyeol: Chanyeol is the next CEO of an established company in Seoul. He loves roaming around the city when he has free time until his father arranges him to his friend's daughter. Being stubborn, he absolutely refuses and is fighting against his father.

I like how you wrote the comments from another writer in your foreword, kind of like the back of a book. That is very unique, but the comment is overshadowed by the trailers next to it. I would suggest you put the trailers and credits at the bottom of your foreword because it takes the attention away from your characters and prologue.

Now, onto your prologue. You switch from past to present tense a few times. Remember, when writing a story, never switch tenses unless you're writing it in a specific format, like a diary or letter. "ed" verbs are in past tense so use that. The last sentence of your prologue "Without no one sees..." should be 'Without anyone seeing...'

Plot: 15/20 I honestly have no idea what to say about your plot. It's not good though. The arranged marriage is very cliché, but I can see how you tried to stay away from that theme, so points for that. The twist you decided to use though is just unrealistic. Chanyeol tricks her into being pregnant, and she doesn't have any doubts. She just fell right for it. Doesn't she have any doubts? The twist could work, but because your characters are very weak and poorly developed, and your flow is too fast, it just makes your plot look horrible. You rushed it too much without letting the readers understand clearly what's going on. Overall, your plot could work, but you just need to sort out some details first. Don't focus on the big thing. Focus on the small details.

Characters: 14/20 The development of your characters is very weak. The readers can't relate to Rina or feel any sympathy for her because you don't describe her well enough. She seems fake. You don't tell us what her fears or hopes are. It's all Chanyeol and simple emotions acting accordingly to her surroundings. What about her inner fears and anger? She also fell right for the trap without doubting anything. How did she have ? Did her aunt see anything? Did she even ask her aunt what happened that night? How does she know Dr. Zhang? Did she just allow Sulli to lead her right into any clinic? Doesn't she have her own doctor? There are too many questions and not enough answers.

The only thing I like is how cruel you make Chanyeol out to be. That's basically the only part of your characters that is good.

Grammar and Spelling: 16/20 Like I said in your foreword, never switch tenses. Right from the first paragraph of chapter one, you switched. Overall, your spelling is pretty good, but your grammar just needs some changes.

Chaper one P(aragraph)1 "The silence broke by a phone call." should be 'The silence was broken by a phone call.'
2. P4 "...ready to written the order." should be '...ready to write down the order.'
3. P49 "Ugh, another troublesome!" should be 'Ugh, more trouble!'

Chapter two P52 "Lay playfully imitated Christina, his habit, though." should be 'Lay playfully imitated Chanyeol; it was a horrible habit of his.'

Chapter three P3 "Why you leave me at the boutique?" should be "Why did you leave me at the boutique?"
2. P9 "Naeun suddenly felt regret by her action." should be 'Naeun suddenly regretted her action.'
3. P13 "I won't be on the wedding..." should be 'I won't be at the wedding...'
4. P15 "Rina shocked." should be 'Rina was  shocked.'
5. P15 "The house which supposed to be a nice place..." should be 'The house which was supposed to be a nice place...'
6. P32 "I'll take the responsible." should be "I'll take the responsibility."
7. P38 "Rina burst her laugh. "Lunatic. Why are you suddenly laugh?" should be 'Rina started laughing. "Lunatic, why are you laughing so suddenly?"

Flow: 9/15 It's only chapter one, yet we're already seeing Chanyeol thinking of asking Rina to become his girlfriend. This is too early! Introduce the characters, set down the setting, establish some important background details, and then move on to the main plot. Then, in chapter two, everything is already starting to happen. Chanyeol is in the same bed as Rina just as the chapter begins. This shouldn't happen until you get everything down, which you haven't. Your flow really brought down the plot. Drag things out more. Don't have them squished together.

Enjoyment: 3/5 The flow and lifeless characters really brought down what would have been a great plot.

Structure: 4/5 The spacing from chapter one to three are all different. In chapter one, you have double spacing in between some paragraphs while for some, you only have one. Then, in chapter two, your spacing is perfect. In chapter three, it's double spacing again. Keep your spacing the same throughout the story.

Otherwise, everything is neat and organized.

Overall: 73/100 That plot twist is really good but because it came in too early, it ended up looking out of place. Your characters are very lifeless. Describe them more. Give the readers a better glance of their inner personalities. What do they fear? Don't rush into your story. Set down who your characters are and what the background is before going in.