Yellow Umbrella
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/668609/yellow-umbrella-fluff-valentines-failcomedy-baekyeol-chanbaek

About: Chanyeol(Exo)+Baekhyun(Exo), comedy, fluff, rainy days, romance

Ahri
Finished 3/12/14

TItle: 5/5 While Yellow Umbrella does sound great and is unique, 'The Yellow Umbrella' has a better sound to it. It relates to the one umbrella in the story instead of just any yellow umbrella. The title is still great though. I really like how it relates to one specific item in the story instead of being one of those cheesy titles like "Love in the Rain" or 'Love at First Sight'.

Foreword: 9/10 The only problem is that your foreword should be in present tense since it is discussing events that haven't happened yet. Otherwise, great description; it really pulls in the readers and give them a feel of what the story is going to be about, and it really shows the humor. Also, I love how you used an excerpt from the middle of your story instead of the first paragraph! This is the first time I've seen a story where the description is taken from a paragraph in the middle of the story instead of the very first thing, and I find it really creative.

Plot: 20/20 While it has a cliché outline, you add in events that change it and make a completely different plot instead. I love it. It's very well-written, and the side plots really made me like it even more. The twist at the end really pulled me in. At first when Chanyeol saw something red in Baekhyun's bag, I thought it would be medicine or something and that Baekhyun had an illness, and this story was going to have either an angsty or a miraculous ending, but you proved me wrong. Very wrong. When I saw that the red thing was actually an umbrella, I was surprised and pleased at such a good twist.

Characters: 20/20 I really like how realistic the characters acted. Instead of running away in sadness and forgetting about Chanyeol completely or drinking (a cliché idea), Baekhyun still couldn't get over him and chased after him, trying to find an answer. The characters are written really well, and I like the side-couples that add to the romance of rainy days, the apparent theme in your story.

Grammar and Spelling: 17/20 You switch from past tense to present tense often throughout the story. Usually you use "was" instead of 'is', and that's your main problem, unless you're aiming to write in past tense, then it's fine. Most of your mistakes are mistypes or misuse of words.

1. P(aragraph)2 "...albeit his strange eye-twitch every time..." should be '...despite his strange eye-twitch every time...'
2. P35 "Wanton noodle?" should be 'Wonton noodle?'
3. P88 "...seeing Baekhyun's galre towards him. The tall let Baekhyun sit on..." should be '...seeing Baekhyun's galre towards him. The taller man allowed Baekhyun to sit on...'
4. P89 "Baekhyun was holding the stuff toy to his face that he failed to see..." should be 'Baekhyun was too busy holding the stuffed toy to his face that he failed to see...'
 

Enjoyment: 5/5 I really like the side plots along with the main plot and the side pairings that really added to my enjoyment.

Structure: 4/5 The flashing heart gif you use to separate scenes is also really unique and cool. Another thing, only one person should speak in each paragraph. There are a few paragraphs where you have both Baekhyun and Chanyeol speaking in the same paragraph. This makes it harder to follow along with.

Overall: 80/85= 94 The plot is well-thought out, and the characters are very realistic and relatable. Your only mistakes are some grammar and spelling mistypes that can be fixed easily.