Will my tears dry tonight?
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/641517/will-my-tears-dry-tonight-angst-romance-sad--exo-kris

About: Kris(Exo)+OC, angst, romance

Bleu
FInished 5/16/14

Title: 3/5 I don't like your title at all because it's a question, it's not capitalized, and it relates too directly to your story. It too angsty and doesn't give your story a unique feeling. It's just really messy and doesn't sound like you made much of an effort to get a title.

Foreword: 7/10 Well, it's quite unique that you added Korean words but only if you actually know the real meaning of them, not that you searched it up on google translate because that site is not always accurate. Second, your description is pretty good, but there are some words that you capitalize. Is that on purpose or are you just doing it randomly? For example, "Love, What is Love?" why is "What" capitalized? I understand "Love" since you're trying emphasize it because that's your main idea, but "What" doesn't have to be capitalized.

The second part of your description has a few grammar mistakes: It should be "Seven years has passed since these two friends went their separte ways, but while he succeeded, she lost all hope. Nothing mattered to her anymore.

I corrected the bolded words because first of all, numbers lower than ten have to be written out in stories. Second, "she lost all hope" is a run-on sentence, so you have to separate that with a comma. The last sentence is also a run-on, so the same goes with that.

The last sentence: What to do when these two comeback..." should be "What will happen when these two come back..."

Otherwise, I like the simplicity of your foreword although it does make your story seem a bit cliché. 

Your preview has a lot of a grammar mistakes. Your main mistakes are tense changes and run-on sentences.When separating two complete sentences, use a period or semi-colon, never a period. As for your tenses, if you started your story with past tense, then keep it that way. Don't randomly switch to present.
❁P(aragraph)1 "Step by Step I walk down the sidewalk..." should be "Step by step, I walked down the sidewalk...'
❁P1 "...stores catch peoples attention." should be '...the stores catching people's attention."
❁P1 "Seeing drunk people, people hanging out with their friends getting drunk together." should be 'I saw drunk people and others hanging out with their friends, getting drunk together."
❁P2 "He shouted, he was obviously drunk." should be 'He shouted, obviously drunk.'
❁P2 "...as he yelled at me, I didn't have time..." should be '...as he yelled at me. I didn't have time...

Plot: 13/20 There are just simply too many plot holes. The first two chapters are just angst as Annie obsess over how her old life was ruined, but you don't say how it was ruined. Maybe you will tell us in the later chapters, but the readers need this information earlier because all they see is Annie complaining about how alone she is. If she doesn't have a family, where does she live and how? How does she know Kris? Why did they meet in the first place? There isn't a stable plot because you don't have any events going on besides Annie and Kris. You need another event other than the loveline. The plot is also kind of cliché. Once you get down the background information, you can move on with your loveline.

Characters: 12/20 Does she have a job? How old is she? Where does she live? If she lives in Asia, wouldn't she have an Asian first name? Why does she have an English name? Who is Annie Song? You don't describe her likes, dislikes, or current life at all. All you do is repeat about her agony over her lost family and how she got separated from Kris. Describe her raw emotions more to give the readers a better insight of her so they can connect to her.

Grammar and Spelling: 15/20 You have a lot of run-on sentences. Never separate two complete sentences with a comma. Always use a period or semi-colon. Your tenses just need some looking-over, nothing more. It's just that you probably don't pay much attention as you're writing because you have to put down your thoughts, but make sure you look over when you're done if you know you're prone to making mistakes.

Chapter Prologue:
❁P1 "People walking quietly..." should be 'People walked quietly...'

Chapter one:
❁P6 "Your very a pretty woman miss." shoukd be "You're a very pretty woman, miss."

Chapter two:
❁P2 "Annie is Gemini, She suppose to be fun and loosebut how can she when..." should be 'Annie was a Gemini, so she was supposed to be fun and carefree, but how could she when...'

Flow: 10/15 It's probably because your plot has a lot of holes that makes your flow seem off, but the lack of details and additional events in your story were also factors that made your flow seem non-existent. Your short chapters that also only focus on Annie's agony were not very helpful to your flow at all.

Enjoyment: 2/5 I would have enjoyed your story a lot if it wasn't for the lack of a plot and flow. The characters were also very dull and too focused on one thing, along with the plot.

Structure: 4/5 Like I said in your foreword section, numbers should be written out if they are smaller than ten.

Only one person should speak in each paragraph. If you want another person to speak, start another paragraph.

Overall: 66/100 Your plot is really cliché and lacks so many plot holes. It's focused on only one thing, and that's Kris's meaning to Annie. Your flow is nonexistent. It's just missing, probably because you don't have a strong plot. Your grammar needs a lot of looking-over. It's just that you need to look over your work once you're done.