kyamato
❁Crimson Twilight Review Shop❁ {PAUSED/Finishing requests}
About: Onew(SHINee), Taemin(SHINee), Minho(SHINee), Luna(FX), Jonghyun(SHINee), Key(SHINee), action, scifi
Katrina
Finished 7/6/14
Note: I apologize for the long wait. Thank you for waiting patiently.
Title: 4/5 I am so sorry for taking one little point off, but I just can't see what "omnipotent" has to do with the story. They have superpowers now with modified genes, but can they save the entire planet from an asteroid? "Omnipotent" refers to unlimited power, but when Taemin was ambushed by a lot of men in Key's home, he couldn't handle them all, meaning his power has a limit. If it wasn't for this, your title would be great because it's simple and attractive.
Foreword: 10/10 At first, I was thinking that your description is too vague, but the foreword and definition gave me an inkling of what your plot may be about, so full marks. It's clean, interesting, and I would definitely read this story on my own free time. I have nothing else to say.
Plot: 19/20 First of all, before I go on about your plot, I love how you play with Jinki's stage name by changing the meaning to something that fits your story. That's the first time I've seen someone actually use the character's stage name that way.
Your plot is unique, and the action scenes help it in every way. I am so used to reading romance on AFF that I was taken by surprise when your story didn't have a single link pointing to love, besides platonic love. The plot has a lot of mystery and twists.
For some reason, as I was reading this, I kept feeling a mood akin to a steampunk city. Of course, not everyone might feel the same way. The way you described the setting and action made me feel like I'm reading about the future that's set in a city with a steampunk style.
The only thing that I find off is how you don't go into details about genetic modification. The majority of AFF are young girls who are still in school, so I'm pretty sure most of them don't know a lot about how genetic modification works, unless they are BIG fans of X-men. You should go into detail about how Onew's genes got modified. How does the liquid work? Does it rush into his cells, destroy, and then remake them? Do his cells not get destroyed but instead get changed? Does the DNA change completely or only some?
Specific Advice: Your story is definitely enjoyable. You don't need to change anything, except for going into more details on genetic modification. It's actually a small thing that most people tend to ignore, because your plot flows so smoothly, they turn away from little details. I am a reviewer, so I tend to pay special attention to small stuff. Throughout the story, I read quickly without having ant reason to stop, and the mysteries and cliff-hangers kept me on the edge of my chair. As someone who isn't usually impressed by most stories on AFF, this shows that your story is very well-written.
Characters: 19/20 Onew is simply a very detailed character who feels like a real person that I am close to. I can connect with him, agree with his decisions, and react the same way he is. You give us so many details about his life that I feel included, like I had been with him in the elevator with Taemin or in the experiment.
You use a lot of characters that contribute greatly to the plot instead of just leaving Onew as a loner. Luna seems like an interesting person even though she doesn't do a lot at the current point of your story. That shows how well you describe your characters. Even minor ones seem intriguing.
What I don't like is the lack of background information. I understand that your story is based on action and scifi, not romance or friendship, but still tell us a bit of Onew and Luna. How did they end up living together? Who is she to Onew? Besides being best friends, apparently, how close are they? How did they become so close? I read your earlier chapters, but I still don't see where this information is.
Grammar and Spelling: 20/20 Absolutely no mistakes at all. Do you proofread or are you just good at typing without making any mistakes?
Specific Advice: Are you good at describing action scenes? The answer is definitely yes. My heart was pounding as I read every word in your story and how well you went from one thing to another without stopping. The vocabulary range is pretty large, and you use the words fluently, like you use them on a every day basis, and that helped me get through the action scenes quickly.
Flow: 15/15 (Specific Advice) My heart was racing throughout the story. The flow is perfect. The cliff-hangers, Onew's personality, and your use of vocabulary kept me reading straight forward to the end. When I review stories, sometimes I get bored and have to take a break to think over what I've just read. I tend to forget when I read the same sentences over and over again. Your story didn't do that. It gave me a lot of reasons to keep moving forward. There wasn't a moment where I had to think back.
Enjoyment: 5/5 The action scenes were the best, along with Onew's flawed yet likeable personality.
Structure: 5/5 Everything's neat and organized.
Overall: 97/100 You have a way with details and flow. You kept me hoping for more as I read your story. In fact, I even ignored the rules about six chapters only and read your entire story, because that's how interesting it was. Your characters, especially Onew, stood out well. Onew was just so flawed, being a weak bookworm, but he was so brave and likeable. I think your story's character descriptions and plot are even better than a REAL book I've read recently. I don't want to publicly announce the title, so if you want to know, I'll PM you.
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