Fan_of_Karma
❁Crimson Twilight Review Shop❁ {PAUSED/Finishing requests}
About: Myungsoo(Infinite)+Sungjong(Infinite)+Sungyeol(Infinite), comedy, light romance, university, saesaeng, fanboy,
Ahri
FInished 5/17/14
TItle: 5/5 Well, your title does relate directly to the story, and that's usually a no-no for me, but since you have side-plots going on, it's fine.
Foreword: 10/10 In your description, it should only be the summary. The author note should not be mixed in with the description; it should be in the bottom or anywhere, just not with the summaries. Besides that, your description is very interesting, and it has this charm that hooks readers in. I think it's because you add personality to your words, bringing the letters to life.
I'm actually not a very big fan of character lists, but yours is one exception that I totally love! I like how you list out their likes and dislikes, making them seem like opposites or twins of each other, and I like how you include quotes as well to give a picture of their personalities. From this, I can already see how each one has their own personality.
Plot: 20/20 I am in love with your story. The plot is full of twists and unexpected events. For example, when Eunji was talking about her male friend who hates Fedora, I was expecting that friend to turn out to be Sungyeol, but then Sungyeol turns out to be Myungsoo's new seatmate, not Sungjong. You have so many events that really pulls readers into your story. I love how it's so funny without overdoing the comedy and making it seem unrealistic.
Characters: 18/20 The one thing I absolutely think really makes your story stand out is how you develop Myungsoo's relationships with the other characters because there are so many pairings that can be made. First of all, I would never expect Sungyeol to be the clerk. I thought the clerk would be a minor character that would never appear again, unless Myungsoo goes back to the store. Second, everyone has their own personality. Myungsoo is a somewhat lucky fan, Hoya is a distinct idol, Sungyeol is an annoying classmate, and Sungjong is a drama queen. It's hard to give a lot of characters unique personalities because normally, writers tend to combine their personalities and then, they all become one person.
The reason I took off two points is because Myungsoo is so perfect. He is human after all, so give him a flaw. For example, he could have a phobia of...cake or anything. A phobia could also help with the theme of your story because maybe Sungyeol loves cake, and he bakes a cake for Myungsoo's birthday, and then the latter freaks out when he sees the cake. I don't know, but anything to make Myungsoo seem more flawed and him being gay or a saesaeng isn't exactly a flaw.
Also, try to show what Myungsoo's feelings are about his parents' deaths. Maybe you'll tell us that later on in the story, but you should say that earlier, like when he first mentions his parents in chapter one or two. Was he too young when they died?
Grammar and Spelling: 20/20 Full marks; nothing more to say. Nothing is off, not even one typo. It really seems like you took time to look over your work after you finished writing.
Flow: 15/15 There's nothing off about your flow since the events come in at reasonable time, and you don't rush or slow down anything.
Enjoyment: 5/5 Your writing style and how you put life in your words really won me over, even though your plot and flow are great.
Structure: 4/5 In the introduction, it's alright to use photos since you're writing as a narrator, but afterwards, you can't have photos in your story, like chapter five for example.
I like how you write the name of your chapters on top of each chapter. So far, your structure is turning out to be really unique.
I love how the introduction is in the narrator's POV instead of a normal prologue. It shows the main idea of the story without giving away everything.
Specific Advice: Writing Style: Your writing style does affect the readers......in a great way! I have never seen this style of writing before in AFF before, and I don't know if there are other stories like this, but this is the first of its kind I've seen. When I started, I was like "Okay, this sounds cliché" because you started off with girls gossiping about the new student (which we have all seen in most stories), but then you write from a narrator's POV, and all of a sudden, I'm like "wow, this is amazing!" I love how you add personality to your words, and it gives your story a nice mood that I love, and I'm sure the readers do as well.
Overall: 97/100 Your writing style, plot, and perfect grammar and spelling definitely make your story stand out. Myungsoo's relationships with other characters are so detailed and well-organized that your readers probably have a hard time picking out which pairing to support (although I kind of like MyungsooxSungyeol so far). The only thing off is that Myungsoo needs a flaw. He doesn't have any; well, not any that I can see.
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