Running with Wolves
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/662881/running-with-wolves-fluff-magic-supernatural-werewolves-exo-kai-fluffandangst

About: Kai(Exo)OC, Kris(Exo)+Luhan(Exo), romance, supernatural, werewolves, fluff

Katrina
Finished 5/3/14

Title: 4/5 The only thing off is that "with" has to be capitalized. Otherwise, great title.

Foreword: 10/10 I like how the foreword has your OC's personality in it. The readers can really tell what she is like through your description because of how you write her life and how you include her thoughts in it indirectly. Overall, great foreword; not too revealing, not too detailed, and not too simple.

Plot: 18/20 I hate how it's chatper two, and Dal already knows how to stop Minjae. Everyone comes in, and she suddenly knows already what to do. You can drag things out more because right now, you're going to turn your stable plot into chaos. It's not going to be stable enough to make sense. It's only chapter four, yet you have a big fight already coming. What about training? Neither Exo-K or M had been training, just taking precaution by relying on Dal for runes. They should be prepared to battle in case the runes doesn't work.

Besides how the events are thrown in together, I love your plot. It's the best part of the story because your stable plot really pieces everything together.

Characters: 13/20 In chapter one, you didn't really introduce your OC at all because we only know that her name is Dal from Exo, but you need to give her full description one by one. It doesn't have to be all at once, like not "My name is Dal. I can use magic. I live with Exo. This is my life." Give it slowly as your story go on.

I know you want Dal to be a strong, independent, unique type of heroine, but you overdid it a bit when Luhan is first introduced to everyone in chatper one. This is a very common mistake every writer tends to make. The other girls are squealing over him while Dal is just undisturbed, and she is scoffing at the other girls. This makes her seem more of a mary-sue instead of an independent heroine. It isn't necessary to include the other girls squealing and Dal scoffing. You can just write that she was staring at him curiously instead of openly making it known that he's attractive like SOME of the other girls. I highly doubt all the girls in one classroom would be childish enough to react strongly all at once at one guy, unless he's a famous model or singer.

Dal doesn't have any flaws that stand out, and she seems a lot like a mary-sue right now. You don't want your OC to become a mary-sue (which is basically another Bella Swan). Don't worry. Your OC is nowhere near Bella Swan's level yet. The main issue is her magic. She can do any rune. There isn't a limit for her. Is there something she can't do? Don't make her magic power too great. Even Tao said that she was powerful. Seeing that she is mastering her magic by herself, she shouldn't be this advanced.

I think it's fine how everyone is relying on Dal for information but to be honest, they are relying too much that it's turning her into a mary-sue. You really want to avoid that, so don't make her role that important. Tone it down. Don't make her magic that strong.

I really like how Exo-M and Exo-K are so different from each other, but for Exo-K, Baekhyun and Chanyeol in particular, you have to make their personalities more diverse. They are too similar to each other.

Grammar and Spelling: 17/20 You have a few run-on sentences that can be separated easily with a period or a semi-colon. Remember, you can't use a comma wherever you want! There are some times where you would switch from past to present tense, especially the beginning of chapter two. I don't think it would be easy for you to go back and fix them since your chapters are so long. For future references, remember to look over your work once you're down to make sure everything is in the right tense.

Chapter one P(aragraph)2 "Well, that was an underestimating, really..." should be 'Well, that was an understatement, really...'
2. P5 "Your heart probably reminded a rabbit's..." should be 'Your heart probably resembled a rabbit's...'
3. P12 "It fled, hit the wall (making a shallow cut in it) and transformed into ash." should be 'It flew, hit the wall, leaving a shallow cut in it, and transformed into ash.'
4. P101 "You studied the runs..." should be 'You studied the runes...'
5. P114 "...his own eyes were red, threating, and you threw a pen..." should be '...his own eyes were red, threatening, and you threw a pen...'

Flow: 11/15 Chapter one is just a bunch of events thrown together. Slow down, and give one or two more days before you introduce the new beta from somewhere else. It feels like you really wanted to move your story on into the main plot that you rushed through your background information and just went on to getting the main action in. Everything just explodes in chapter one, and the main drama comes right in without any warning really. Background information and setting are needed, and then you're set because your story has a lot of potential. Afterwards, your flow is pretty good. It's mainly chapter one that threw your story off.

Enjoyment: 4/5 While your plot and details are amazing, your flow and characters threw me off.

Structure: 5/5 Everything is neat and organized.

Overall: 82/100 Your main problem lies in your OC because she is too perfect. She can do literally everything. There is nothing stopping her. Give her some flaws. Make her more realistic. The next thing is your flow, chapter one, to be specific. How your chapter one suddenly comes in, and all the events are squished together really overshadowed your plot which is amazing.