Title 2/5–The title is way too cliché, just try to search this title up on the Asian Fanfiction forum, and you'll definitely see like 100+ stories with the exact same title. According to your story, I would have been able to think up with like, 20 better titles than “With You”.

The title “With You” could mean anything, it doesn't generalize to anything specific, and it could mean anything, that's the main idea I'm trying to say. Title's should have a specific meaning to the story, while yours does not. I really wish you could either input a specific meaning your story based on “With You”.

Foreword 6/10–The first thing I had noticed right when I had glimpsed at your foreword, is that it's really messy. The character section mainly, the formatting is off and I don't know if this was because of Asian Fanfiction or if it was on purpose by yourself.

I guess I understand your idea of having some left-aligned and right-aligned but it just looks really messy, I would suggest having your headings “Extra, Other, Main characters” a little more bigger, or more visible. Another thing is, your descriptions, and the character's name. It should really be more visible, right now, they all look the same, and it shows signs representing bad professionalization.

Something else I would like to complain about is that you introduced way too much characters, and character descriptions are too subtle and is too plain and cliché. Especially Jung Nicole's description, “someone who envy Shinhye”, not only did you not write this correctly, it's also makes me feel like you were way too lazy to even bother to give her information. I feel like you have way too many characters introduced in your foreword, I would really like it if you had let the story itself introduce the story, not just the foreword. Also, your descriptions are too vague, even your main character's descriptions.

I really hate your formatting, I absolutely despise it when people use the foreword section for an author note. There is an author note in the settings whenever you edit a foreword or make one, so why not use it? Instead, your foreword would be your characters, and the description should just be that one quote you have bold up top.

I noticed that you have the description MC for Kris, well, not everyone knows what an MC is, so I really wish you gave an explanation or description of what a MC is. Whenever you have a bands name, such as EXO or SNSD. Always have it capitalized, unless the original one is lower-cased.

❁”What will happen if you don't have the courage to confess your feelings?” should be,”What would you do if you didn't have the courage to confess your true feelings?” or “What would happen if you didn't have the courage to confess your feelings?” or “What would have happened if you never had the courage to confess your feelings to your true love?”

❁”Kris Wu ( exo ) as Kris Wu / Wu Yifan” should be,”Kris Wu (EXO) as Kris Wu a.k.a Wu Yifan”

❁”A Model and MC who often involved scandals with women.” should be,”A model and MC (rapper) who is often involved in scandals with women.”

❁”Seoul mayor's daughter, Park Jungsoo, the calm and easygoing woman. There's person who want to bring down the family.” should be,”Seoul's mayor, Park Jungsoo's, daughter. The calm and easygoing woman, Park Shinhye. Although everything seems peace and sound, there will always be someone who wants to bring the family honor down.”

❁”Seohyun ( snsd ) as Joo Seohyun” should be,”Seohyun (SNSD) as Joo Seohyun”

❁”Yifan's one- side love.” should be,”Yifan's one-sided love.”

❁”Kris' senior and rivals in modeling.” should be,”Kris' senior and rival in modeling”

❁”Shinhye's and Chanyeol's parent” should be,”Shinhye and Chanyeol's parents”

❁”Someone who envy Shinhye” should be,”Someone who envies Shinhye”

Plot 16/20–I have some complaints for the following,”Park Residence” and “Park was very well respected family” in Chapter One. The one thing I don't is the way you overgeneralize and it's too vague. The way you use Park, it's almost as if this Park family was the only one in all of Seoul. If you had not noticed by now, Park is one of the most common names in Korea, so when you use these types of phrases that almost solo this surname out, it makes me feel as if you think there's only one family that is known as the Park family.

I really don't like your setting skips, just by having a single line saying something like,”A Relationship between Model Kris Wu and Singer Park Jiyeon Starting from a Magazine Photo shoot?”, it's just way too choppy. It's like just skipping around, I really don't like this. It doesn't make your story feel like a plot, more like a diary.

Your plot is too wide-spread, there is no plot line, it's like an infinitely repeating plot line. I really wish it followed the freitag curve, such as, exposition, inciting accident, rising action, , falling action, and resolution. There has to be something that shows a plot line in your story.

Another thing is, your story has absolutely no twists and cliff-hangers. Your story is pretty much the basic layout of a typical story. The girl meets the guy, and at first they end up hating each other, and then they end up loving each other again. Oh and let's not forget about the many, many characters that are thrown in the story and makes the readers confused on whose going to end up with who.

Characters 17/20–I see times when Shinhye is talking in third-person phrase. Third-person phrase is when you're talking about yourself, but instead of I or Me she uses her name. From how you explained her in the beginning, she doesn't seem like those girls that would talk in third-person phrase. Lastly, why would you spell Shinhye's name wrong?

I have a bit of irritation of Chanyeol and Shinhye, the mayor's children, sometimes they act like an adult, or their age, which I'm assuming is around the age of 18. But then, whenever they're talking to their dad for example, they start to talk like a children. They act surprised at stuff that usually, a 18 year-old wouldn't say, and it just makes me feel like your characters are really mary-sue.

Grammar and Spelling 12/20–I'm not a huge fan of the way you said “Seoul City”, although Seoul is a city, to be exact, its a mega city, or the Seoul National City, not Seoul City though. I would have liked this story to have at least a more realistic setting at least. Please don't use Seoul City, but Seoul instead.

I see many grammar mistakes that are really simple and it just irritates me really. First thing is, why is Shinhye and her dad speaking in third-person some times? I really hope she's not those obnoxious girls who speak in third-person just to make themselves sound cuter right? Also, why are you spelling Shinhye's name wrong? I mean, she's your main character. Lastly, it's not “Nuna” it's “Noona”, if you were going to use Korean phrases in your story, at least bother to find the correct spelling.

Why do you sometimes use double spaces instead of single spaces? Was this on error or was it on purpose? That is the real question. Another thing is whenever you're writing dialogue. Whenever your dialogue has something along the lines,”She said”, you should never end your dialogue with a period, but with a comma, cause you still haven't said your “She said”, which includes the ending of the sentence.

Chapter One

❁ P(aragraph) 2-”Park Jungsoo's performance as Seoul mayor has gotten positive response from the public 6 months later. It can be seen that situation of the city was more organized, employee worked was more disciplined, and the common people was more prosperous. Park was very well respected family because of their good characters. Park Jungsoo's wife, Kang Sora, never did too much in how she dress. So did her children, Sinhye and Chanyeol, they aren't picky friend. Behind all of that, there's family who jealous of Park Jungsoo's success lead Seoul.” should be,”Six months later, Park Jungsoo's performance has got positive responses as the new mayor of Seoul. Just by looking at the statistics of the economy, the city was much more organized; employee work was more disciplined, and the common people were getting more prosperous. The Park family was a very well respected family, mainly because of their good aspects. Park Jungsoo's wife, Kang Sora, was not vague or arrogant about her wealth or her family prosperity. She didn't brag too much with the way she dressed, neither her children as well. Her children, Shinhye and Chanyeol, were never picky or arrogant.”

❁ P(aragraph) 4-”Shinhye, how's the book you wrote? Before went home, Daddy had stopped into a bookstore and see your book in best-seller list.” should be,”Shinhye, how's the financial status of the book you wrote? Before I arrived home, I had stopped at a bookstore and saw that your book was on the best-seller list.”

❁ P(aragraph) 5-”It was published some time ago, Daddy.” Sinhye said “Best -seller? Really, Daddy? Sinhye didn't checked it out yet again.” should be,”It was published some time ago, Daddy,” Shinhye said,”Best-seller? Really, Daddy? I hadn't had time to check the financial status of it lately.”

❁ P(aragraph) 6-”I was also seeing Nuna's books in 'best seller' list at a bookstore near the campus.” should be,”I also saw Noona's book on the Best-seller List at a bookstore near my campus.”

You have way too many mistakes, and I can not possibly fix all your mistakes without having a whole book of mistakes. Cause apparently, every single sentence is wrong, and I just don't have the time to fix them all. Besides, if I were to fix them for you, what would you learn?

Flow 13/15–Just in the second chapter, you instantly just skipped to six months later. You have got to slow it down more, also, at least give it a way better description. For example,”from the public 6 months later”, there was absolutely no transition what so ever, and it was like, what.

Your story is just a piece of literature that is just full of random events thrown together to make it sound better. There really isn't any transitions and I really don't see much of a linear plot. I really wish there was something that connects the story into one, united, story.

Enjoyment 2/5–I personally wasn't a huge fan of this story. Mainly because it was way too hard to read this story. There was always a grammar mistake, like it be little or let it be big, there is always one in every single sentence. And because of this, I really just couldn't input the story in my mind correctly.

Structure 3/5–Your structure is really confusing, your first chapter, you had really neat paragraphs and stuff. But then, as soon as you get done with your first few chapters, your paragraphs were combined and it just looked like a script. There was no paragraphs whatever. I'm not sure you know when to change paragraphs. You need to change paragraphs every time you change your setting, dialogue, your speaker, and your time of phrase, such as past tense, present tense, or future tense.

Overall 71/100–You have way too many grammar mistakes, and they're really simple ones. It's pretty much like there's a mistake in every single sentence. Also, your format gets really weird as your story progresses. Another thing is, your characters sometimes talk in third-person phrasing. I really suggest that you pre-check your story before you actually publish it.