A Boy with a Name
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/672732/a-boy-with-a-name-angst-dark-oneshot-sliceoflife-you-bap-daehyun

About: Daehyun(BAP)+OC, Youngjae(BAP), romance, angst, slice of life, suicide, slight

Katrina
Finished //14

Title: 5/5 After reading the "End" chapter, I must say, your title is truly a piece of art. It has such a deep meaning to it that the readers would never understand until they read your story or that "End" chapter. I don't know if you really took time to think up of a title like that, or you're just a genius, but this is amazing.

Foreword: 10/10 I love how it's so mysterious and how it leads the readers to the story. Reading the excerpt actually makes me feel like I'm standing in the forest with Jiae, and I can feel the cold. You don't need a full description like "This is Girl. This is Boy. What will happen when they fall in love?" You just put down a single sentence, and excerpt, and a poem (or song lyrics), and you're set.

Plot: 20/20 You are writing with a cliché outline (girl likes brother's bandmate), but your unique way of writing your story out really outplayed that. You give themes of love and pain that go against each other, and it gives the story a nice conflict that actually makes the readers question themselves and their life. There are lots of hidden plots in your story that I didn't catch until you explained it at the end, and I'd gone back. Then, I realized that Jiae actually fell for her own brother, and Daeyeol wasn't joking around with her, and the reason Daehyun left wasn't because of guilt that he caused it, but because he didn't want to be blamed.

Characters: 19/20 Jiae is so detailed that I feel like I'm her, and I'm going through her problems. Her situation is so well-detailed that when I was taking a break from reviewing, when I got up, for a moment, I thought I was her, and I freaked out, thinking that I was going to meet up with Daehyun. In other words, your characters are amazing.

The only, tiny thing that is off is where is Jiae's family? We only know her brother, but where and who are her parents? Where does she live? You also mentioned that she is only a child, so does she go to school? I know your story is meant to be short, but you should still put in some background information.

Grammar and Spelling: 20/20 Absolutely perfect! There are no mistakes at all, not even one petty typo. It's like you looked over your work once you were done and then had another person check over it again.

Flow: 15/15 I like how the timeline is not in order because it gives the story a mysterious feeling, like what's going to happen next? It gives this feeling of disorder that everyone needs in their life.

Enjoyment: 5/5 I love the dark plot and how well you emphasize the angst without having the story be too focused on it. The way that Jiae actually fell for her own brother (kind of) is also a big, but welcomed, surprise.

Structure: 5/5 This is just a suggestiong, so I'm not taking points off, but you should make that author note on top of chapter one larger since there are a lot of people who don't bother to read author notes and then later, they complain about the story. Otherwise, your story is neat and well-organized.

Special Advice: You told me to help you sort out the messiness, but I don't really see anything that's out of place. Your timeline is not in order, but it gives this feeling of delicious disorder that every person needs at least once in their life. In chapter two, it's like a surprise, though it was kind of anticipated since chapter one was really dark and depressing. Then, it chapter three, everything is explained. I think you feel like something is off because at the end of chapter two, the doctor is asking Jiae if she tried to suicide, and that is basically the end of your prequel (I haven't read your sequel yet), and it feels a little cut off, but since you have a sequel, that's fine. Maybe, ending chapter two with Jiae's response, "Yes, I did" would help transition the story into the sequel better?

Overall: 99/100 You are so close to a perfect score (let's see if your sequel will be perfect). Your plot was amazing and a very thrilling read. Your characters are well-described. Although, I kind of wish you explained at some point in the story how Jiae and Daehyun met (like what made them click, not how they knew each other). The one thing that was off is Jiae's background. Since she is the main character, you should include snippets of her family or life outside of Daehyun.