The Storyteller
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/592889/the-storyteller-angst-bigbang-gri-jiyong-seungri-fluffy-nyongtory

About: Seungri(Bigbang)+Jiyong(Bigbang), romance, angst, deathfic, cardiology, heart disease

Katrina
Finished 3/2/14

Title: 5/5 Unique and perfect for the story. This title is usually used for supernatural themes, but you use it here which is really cool.

Foreword: 8/10 Remember to write your foreword in present tense because your story didn't start yet. Your foreword is off to a great start, and it gives a lot of life to your story. It really propels the readers forward. The only thing off is this paragraph in the description.

1. "You heart is destined to greatness" I was told. Was it the greatness to love him? . to cheerish him?, to met him?. That boy, called Jiyong. Some things are made to became history, but this was only a story shared between two. Memories can easily fade away, because of many circumstances, some worth saying die..." should be "Your heart is destined for greatness," I was told. Was it the greatness to love him? To cherish him; to meet him? That boy called Jiyong? Some things are made to become history, but this is only a story shared between two. Memories can easily fade away, but because of many circumstances, some are worth dying for..."

Plot: 20/20 Despite this plot being a bit cliché nowadays, it's really thought out and well organized. I can tell you did a lot of research, based on your character's vast knowledge of cardiology. The way you write is also very entertaining. The diary-like writing is also a bit common, but you make it work.

Characters: 19/20 While your characters are well-written, I think you need to give Seungri more fears about what people will think of him spending so much time with Jiyong, since it is considered unethical for a doctor to be with his patient in a romantic way. In your story, the other characters are starting to get suspicious of Seungri. Also, Seungri's personal life is really vague. Where are his parents? His personal story should come in a bit at the earlier chapters, instead of later on, because the readers need to know at least basic information about the main character.

Grammar and Spelling: 17/20 There are some moments where you would put a comma randomly in a sentence. For example, in chapter one, paragraph 1, "Being a cardiologist, has taken away my life and my free time..." There is no need for a comma to be between cardialogist and has taken. Your story is very detailed, although you have a few spelling and grammar mistakes. Your problem is not looking over your work when you're done because many of these mistakes are really simple.

Chapter one, P(aragraph)2 "...party consisted on my grandma exlaiming at me..." should be '...party consisted of my grandma exclaiming at me...'

Chapter two, P24 "And your amazingly disrespectful", should be "And you're amazingly disrespectful,"

Chapter three, P11 "That's out of your concern," should be "That's none of your concern,"
2. P16 "...but they couldn't fine any". should be "...but they couldn't find any."
3. P17 "When will I die?, will it hurt? am I dying now?" should be 'When will I die? Will it hurt? Am I dying now?'
4. P18 "...what was happeneing inside Jiyong's mind." should be '...what was happening inside Jiyong's mind.'

Chapter four, P5 "She smiled genuinly..." should be 'She smiled genuinely...'
2. P12 "...led to the penthat that was held between my fingers slip and fall to the floor..." should be '...led to the pen that was held between my fingers to slip and fall to the floor...'

Chapter five, P13 "Ones are expecting to live..." should be 'Some are expecting to live...'
2. P14 "...he asked really curious..." should be '...he asked curiously...'
3. P35 "Why did you came until now into my life?" should be "Why did you come into my life now?"

Flow: 15/15 Perfect. Nothing else to say.

Enjoyment: 5/5 Great story, despite the grammar and spelling mistakes. Amazing details.

Structure: 4/5 When you write dialogue, the comma or period comes before the quotation like, "She ran..." I also like how you name your chapters by diary entry.

Overall: 93/100 Great details, plot, and characters. Great story overall. The only things off are your grammar and spelling mistakes that most likely come from not reading over your work once your're done. The flow is also perfect; something that I don't see often in stories.