Nothing is Beautiful, Everything is a War.
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/642903/nothing-is-beautiful-everything-is-a-war-angst-bigbang-gtop-

About: Jiyong(Big Bang)+Seunghyun(Big Bang), , angst, drug use, alcohol, abuse

Katrina
Finished 6/30/14
Note: We apologize for the overdue review. Thank you very much for not canceling.

Title: 4/5 First of all, never put a period in your title because a period means an end. It basically screams to the readers that the story ends right there with the title, that you don't have anything else, like chapters. Second, your title is a run-on sentence. My best advice is that you don't go along with this title because if you add a conjunction word between the sentences, the title would seem less interesting. It's not a big deal, so if you do want to keep it, then go ahead, but it's grammatically incorrect. Besides it being a run-on, it's a beautiful title that relates to your story perfectly. I'm guessing you're saying that "nothing" is when Jiyong (or Seunghyun) can't think of anything; Jiyong's mind is not haunted by what his parents expect of him, or Him invading Seunghyun's thoughts. Basically, "nothing" refers to when they are at peace, and nothing is bothering them, like they are taken from the harsh reality while everything is when they are living and experiencing pain. I would love to give this full marks, but I can't ignore the run-on or the period.

Foreword: 6/10 Your very first sentence is a run-on. It should be 'Choi Seunghyun isn't your golden student; he smokes and gets high to forget the torment he's been through.'

Spacing in the foreword is more of a personal preference, so I won't take points off, but you should make Jiyong's introduction a second paragraph instead of squishing them together. It makes it easier for the readers to see the difference between the two.

Your description is too vague. What you do is that you tell us who your characters are, but what do they do? What are their purposes in the story? How do they help it develop? Better yet, how do they meet? Who are they to each other? Those are the questions you should answer (though not in details) because your foreword would not make me want to read your story at all. I just don't know what to expect from your story at this point. It's basically a blank canvas except for two dots (Seunghyun and Jiyong).

Plot: 20/20 The first thing I noticed was that you have a mood, which is practically the hardest thing to do in a story. The dark mood accentuates your characters and truly show how lost they are and how they can help each other. Then, everything just fit into place from there on. Two lost boys have different backgrounds, but they are connected by how lost they are. Instead of using the cliché "one boy with a perfect family; the other with a flawed family," you make them very similar yet different. While one family is missing a father, and the mother is abusive, the other has both parents who are just expecting too much. You develop this idea very well and present to the readers the families in each chapter, allowing the readers to connect to your story and feel like they are standing right there with Jiyong and Seunghyun. There is nothing off about your plot because you land your background information and current setting at the same thing, having them overlap, and I can understand everything about your timeline. I especially love how you switch back and forth from two characters without confusing the events.

Characters: 20/20 You portray your characters very well. I can feel both their emotions, how lost they are, and how one simple move can break them any minute. I feel like I am Jiyong or Seunghyun just from reading your story. I don't even drink or smoke, and I can feel the effects of them. The details bring your characters to life completely. Your plot is scattered around to show how lost each individual is and how they can't even organize their thoughts. Your descriptions are amazing; it's almost like you are writing from personal experience (no offense) because even the other stories with alcohol or drug use themes don't go into this much depth. They just state that so-and-so are high or drunk, but they don't tell the readers how the characters are feeling.

Grammar and Spelling: 19/20 You don't have any mistakes except for a few typos that I have listed below.

Chapter one P(aragraph)18 "He thinks this is all games." should be 'He thinks this is all a game.'

Chapter three P2 "He see's me." should be 'He sees me.'
2. P27 "My eyes low and are red..." should be 'My eyes are low and red...'

Chapter four P6 "...Chaerin, her boyfriend and I at the house." should be '...Chaerin, her boyfriend and me at the house.'
2. P46 "You're girlfriend is waiting..." should be 'Your girlfriend is waiting...'

Flow: 14/15 (Specific Advice) From chapter one to four, your story goes along smoothly, the events come in at reasonable paces, and you take time to introduce the background and developments. Then in chapter five, at first, I thought Seunghyun walking around with Jiyong was too sudden, but then I thought that it could work since your characters are lost boys, so this could be an opportunity for them to warm up.

What you do need to do is speed this up a little bit because your mood, characters, and overall plot are very dark and basically are the same tone. People get bored of things that are the same for a long time, so you should have the rising action come in next chapter or so but don't have it come in all at once. For example, they go for a car ride at night and talk about their dreams. I know this is a cliché example, but it's showing that they are starting to accept each other and have other reasons to live besides their siblings.

Enjoyment: 5/5 The lack of a proper description made me skeptical but right from chapter one, I was hooked. Your writing is beautiful, and I can feel the raw emotions of your characters that make them stand out as real humans, not just people in a story.

Structure: 5/5 Everything's neat and organized. I would give you extra points for how well you switch from one POV to another without confusing the readers, but 5 is the limit.

Overall: 93/100 The dark lives of the characters work so well with the plot that a mood was established. I don't know if you intended to put a mood here or the plot and characters combined created it, but it completes the story. The flow is also at a steady pace, and the events are nice enough to keep the readers looking on for more. You don't have a lot of grammar or spelling mistakes except for a few typos. The only things you have to fix are your title and description but in all honesty, they won't completely turn ALL the readers on AFF away, so if you want to leave them alone, it's fine.