Timeless Destiny
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/687327/timeless-destiny-romance-you-kwangmin-jotwins

About: Kwangmin(Boyfriend)+OC+Youngmin(OC), romance, college, fluff

Katrina
Finished 5/5/14

Note: Since in our rules, it says that chaptered stories have to have more than one chapters, and your story only has one, I had to take out the flow area. Since it has already been almost two months since you requested, I didn't want to reject you now, so I just went along with the review, but it's very hard to review your story if it only has one chapter that doesn't really tell me much about the plot or characters for me to make any statements on.

Title: 4/5 I don't really see how this will relate to the story because it's too general. This would be perfect if your story is about time traveling but for a college theme with romance, it's not very matching.

Foreword: 10/10 It's nice enough to attract readers, but it doesn't really show a specific trait in the story that would make it different from the many other stories with your genre. Maybe this should belong in the plot, but while your foreword will hook me in with the details you used, it doesn't give a unique view to your story.

Plot: 20/20 At the point, I can't tell if your plot is cliché or not but seeing as how Kwangmin chose to sit next to the beautiful girl instead of your OC, it's off to a good start. Your details really helped with your plot, so that's good. Just make sure you add plenty of twists because your overall plot is treading on the line of being completely cliché.

Characters: 20/20 I love your characters even though it has only been one chapter. This shows a lot about how you write you characters- in a good way. I like how well you describe Ae Ra and how you opted to have Kwangmin sit next to Chaerin instead of Ae Ra, unlike what usually happens in more stories. Another thing I like is how you make Chaerin to not only be the most prettiest girl in the university but also the sweetest instead of the usual y queenka.

Grammar and Spelling: 18/20 You switch from past to present tense three times in your story. First time was in the beginning; second time was at the end. Seeing that you only have one chapter, it shouldn't be hard to go back and fix them. You should always look over your work once you're done if you know you have a tendency of making mistakes like typos.

1. P(aragraph)1 "The once frowning teddy bears' that were..." should be 'The once frowning teddy bears that were...' I took out the apostrophe in bears because it's not needed there.
2. P1 "...she saw the sight outside her window, and the neatness..." should be '...she saw the sight outside her window and the neatness...' A comma is not needed after and because the next sentence is not complete.
3. P2 "But that smile dissapeared once she saw..." should be 'That smile soon disappeared once she saw...'
4. P4 "...that you're alarm was going off..." should be "...that your alarm was going off...'
5. P9 "...brought everyones' attention to it." should be '...brought everyones' attentions to it.'

Enjoyment: 5/5 I'm sure if I should add this to the rubric because I can't really tell what direction your story is going in. So far, you're off to a good start. Your flow is actually kind of fast, but it's acceptable.

Structure: 5/5 Everything is neat and organized.

Overall: 82/85=96 I can't really say much about your score since you only have one chapter which makes your story hard to review. If you would like to know your real score, you can request again once you have another chapter. You're off to a good start, but this plot is very risky because one mistake (like an unrealistic twist or not enough twists) can lead to it becoming cliché or just unrealistic. For your grammar and spelling, they're pretty good, but make sure you don't overdo the adjectives. A good story does not run on adjectives; it's more of shortening things and replacing with better words. For example, "His voice was deep and beautiful." could be 'He had a sonorous voice.' Make sure you look over your work once you're done, because you have a few typos that can be fixed easily.