How the Alpaca Sees It
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/486520/how-the-alpaca-sees-it-comedy-oneshot-exo-tao-kris-taoris-ace

About: Kris(Exo)+Tao(Exo), Ace the Alpaca, , oneshot, romance, comedy, crack

Roseline
Finished 3/6/14
Note: I hope you don't mind that I'm grading this as crack because your story structure makes it seem like a crack, so I'm not taking points off for those features that are crack-like. If you want a redo for this as a normal , not crack, then tell me, and I'll be happy to do one.

Title: 5/5 I like the originality of it. This is the first time I've seen this type of title, even among other cracks.

Foreword: 8/10 There are a few grammar mistakes in your foreword. Since I am grading your story as a crack, I am not going to take points off for most of the mistakes. This is a pretty good foreword that prepares the readers for the comedy ahead.
1. "The whole story in Ace the Alpaca's POV
Kris is Papa
Tao is the Friend
and made... cute and innocent."
should be
"Ace the Alpaca's POV of innocent between his Papa and his friend.
Kris is Papa.
Tao is the friend."
2. "*hears a moan*" should be 'A moan is heard.'
 

Plot: 20/20 This is a pretty original plot, and I like how it's in the alpaca's POV throughout the whole thing although there really isn't a solid plot for this. This story is mainly crack and comedy, and there's not a lot of story elements in it.

Characters: 20/20 Good description of an inanimate object. Great job placing a personality and a life into a doll. Great job showcasing the innocence of Ace.

Grammar and Spelling: 19/20 No spelling or grammar mistakes except for those moments when you would forget a period at the end of a sentence.

Enjoyment: 4/5 I enjoyed this a lot, but the parts where you would write what I wrote in structure threw me off. They made the story look messy, so that's not good.

Structure: 3/5 Even if this is a crack, write out emotions instead of "T.T". Also, don't write "OMGGGGGGGG" or the other things that way. It's fine if it's only "OMG" but not that long, bolded, or underlined. It's messy and make the story look childlike. Also, don't write actions like *hears a moan*. Write out the action.

Overall: 79/85=93 While the characters are brought to life by your details, the plot is creative, and their aren't any spelling mistakes, the structure threw me off.

Redo #1

How the Alpaca Sees It
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/486520/how-the-alpaca-sees-it-comedy-oneshot-exo-tao-kris-taoris-ace

About: Kris(Exo)+Tao(Exo), Ace the Alpaca, , romance, twoshot, comedy

Roseline
Finished 3/23/14

Title: 5/5 Like I said before, the title is really original and eye-catching, so that’s good for hooking in readers.

Foreword: 10/10 I’m happy to see that you took my advice and changed the grammar errors. Your foreword is much better now because it’s more simple and inviting. It’s almost like you’re leading readers into your story through simple sentences. For example, “She was drunk. I was drunk. We were alone. Guess what happens next?” That’s what your foreword is kinda of saying to the readers which is why it’s a good hook because it implies something without directly saying it.

Plot: 20/20 Very original and creative. I love how you write it from a doll’s POV through the story instead of having another person do it, like for example, Baekhyun hiding in the closet and describing what he sees. That is a good idea, but this is much better, although there still isn’t a lot of purpose in your plot.

Characters: 20/20 Great job describing Ace’s innocence as a young doll well. Great job giving him a personality and life, bringing him to life along the way. Ace’s personality really brings the story along and gives it a bounce to it.

Grammar and Spelling: 19/20 Oh, you have one tiny mistake that can be overlooked easily. Great overall but just one small mistake.

Chapter one, P(aragraph) I can’t really count your paragraphs, so I’m just going to tell you that this is around when Kris is kissing Tao’s s, before the penetration. “…just makes this ‘ahh’ ‘mm’ ‘more’ sounds…” should be ‘…just makes these “ahh,” “mm,” and “more” sounds…’

Enjoyment: 5/5 I really glad you corrected your mistakes, making this story so much more enjoyable and easier to read.

Structure: 5/5 I see that you changed the way you write out emotions, making them into full sentences. It makes your story more detailed and better looking.

Overall: 84/85=99 Amazing job correcting your mistakes. You didn’t leave anything out except for one small grammar mistake that isn’t that noticeable. With an original plot and great description of Ace, this story has been a delight to read.

Note: I see you have a second chapter, but I didn't include it in the rubric because the structure in that one is the same as your story before the redo, so I didn't want to take points off for that.