Stay the Night (With Me)
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/679401/stay-the-night-with-me-exo-hunhan-kray-baekyeol-kaisoo-xiuchen-sutao

About: Kai(Exo)+Kyungsoo(Exo), Baekhyun(Exo)+Chanyeol(Exo), Suho(Exo)+Tao(Exo), Kris(Exo)+Lay(Exo), Xiumin(Exo)+Chen(Exo), humor, fluff, romance

Ahri
Finished 5/16/14

Title: 5/5 Well it kind of relates to your story, with Kyungsoo waking up with Jongin. I think you might be able to do better, but since you have a lot of side-plots, this title works, I suppose.

Foreword: 9/10 Your foreword is perfect except for one tiny thing; it has to be in present tense because your foreword is explaining things that happen in the story, and since I'm not yet up to the story, it should be in present tense, right? Otherwise, the summary really gives readers a feeling of excitement because it opens up to the story.

Plot: 20/20 I love how in chapter three, you wrote about Kyungsoo watching the show and then in chapter four, you described what happened before and after the show in your other characters' POVs. While the plot you started the story with (Kyungsoo sleeping with an unknown guy after a night of drinking), you made up for it with the insertion of side-plots with your other characters that connected everything. I like how you have Minseok know Jongin, although we are still unsure of their relationship since Jongin did call his father "father" as well. I love how it's been three days already, and we don't see any action between Jongin and Kyungsoo because it gives the readers a feeling of excitement like "I know something big is going to bring them together!" It allows for the readers to guess how Jongin and Kyungsoo will see each other again, like a cliffhanger, in a way.

Characters: 20/20 Amazing. Just simply amazing how you have the ability to give each of your twelve characters unique personalities and lovelines. When a writer has so many characters, he or she usually ends up combining their personalities and making them all seem like one person but with different looks. You not only give them different looks, you give them different backgrounds (such as Sehun being skinny because he's a model) and very different personalities. For example, Kyungsoo is a pure, sensible person while his friends are flirty and voracious.

Grammar and Spelling: 19/20 You only have one mistake, that's not really a mistake. You don't even have any tense changes or run-on sentences. Great job!

Chapter one, P(aragraph)1 "...forcing him to wake mercilessly." Mercilessly is kind of awkward in this sentence because someone can't wake up mercilessly, right? I'm guessing you meant to say the sunlight hit him mercilessly?

Flow: 15/15 I kind of wish you would add in some background information before going into Kyungsoo's day at work, but since your prologue was focused mainly on Jongin's night with Kyungsoo, it's okay to start off chapter one like that. Afterwards, your flow is perfectly fine and not rushed at all.

Special Advice: Your plot isn't rushed at all! While it may look rushed because you have a lot of events occuring in one day, it's only because you have a lot of characters. To keep your pace moderate, if you have a tendency of squishing events in, make a chart next to you where you write what time each event occurs, so you know when you should stop. One thing to remember is that as an event occur, don't rush it. Don't be charmed by the moment. Imagine that you are in your character's shoes and write from what you would do. Just make the events come in order with each couple, so don't have in one scene, Xiumin and Jongdae kissing in Luhan's party, then the next minute, Luhan is at the park with Sehun since those are conflicting timelines.

Enjoyment: 5/5 I love everything about the story, especially the unique characters. They all have their own, separate personalities, and that really stood out.

Structure: 5/5 Nothing to complain about here because everything's neat and organized. I really love how your chapter names relate to one thing in your story that only occurs once or twice, instead of what the whole chapter is about. It's kind of like a symbol in each chapter.

Overall: 98/100 Everything's so well-organized, especially the plot. In one chapter, you have events occuring through one character's POV and in another chapter, you have other characters. The best part of your story are the characters and how unique each one is. You provide each with their own background (Luhan's cinnamon trees and Sehun's being a model) and way to handle things.