Valentines for Ms. Hopeless Romantic
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/665699/valentines-for-ms-hopeless-romantic-you-exo-kai

About: Kai(Exo)+OC, romance, oneshot, high school, wishing, valentines day

Ahri
Finished 4/12/14

Note: Sorry for the extremely late review! It's because Roseline had some problems with her computer, and I had to wait for her to finish up before going on with mine.

Title: 5/5 Great title! Normally, I don't like these titles in particular, but since this is a oneshot, it's perfectly fine! It really catches the attentions of readers.

Foreword: 9/10 Your foreword is short and simple, and that's really nice, but I think you should make your description font a larger size, because you can't quite see it between the foreword and copyright.

The last part of your description is not that interesting. The question, "What will happen" is not a good way to describe your story because it has been used so much, nobody gets excited over it anymore! Try a statement, not a question. For example, "When a hopeless romantic wishes for love upon a shooting star on 11:11 PM out of desperation, she didn't expect it to come true!" would be better.

Plot: 20/20 The plot isn't that original, but since you did attempt to twist it around to make it more unique, that's good. I like how you made her wish upon a star at camp and have Kai overhear. The ending in which they say "I like you" instead of "I love you" is also a nice touch for the story. It gives this fluffy ending to the story that still makes the readers think, "are they going to last?" or "what's going to happen next?"

Characters: 19/20 While your characters all act really realistically, I don't really like how you said your OC is the most wanted girl in junior year since that makes her seem like a mary-sue, and Kai, a hot dancer, chooses her out of the other girls. This adds on to her mary-sue ness, but you kept it at a minimal, so it's alright.

Grammar and Spelling: 16/20 You switched tenses right from paragraph 4! Don't go to present tense and write "I'm alone" or "I'm here"! Stick to past tense, "I was here". Throughout the story, you keep switching from past to present tense! Your biggest problem is probably typing what's exactly on your mind without going back and checking over your words.

1. P(aragraph)6 "We're having a camp in this far away land full of trees but has a beautiful view." should be 'I was at a camp in this far away land that was full of trees and had a beautiful view.'
2. P16 "...I can't get over how Kai catched me during camp." should be '...I couldn't get over how Kai caught me during camp.'
3. P20 "Instantly they picked up those letters..." should be 'Instantly, we picked up those letters...'
4. P23 "You're just to demure to notice it." should be "You're just too demure to notice it."

Enjoyment: 4/5 I like the fluffy plot and cute romance overall, but your tense changes stood out a lot.

Structure: 4/5 Around the end, you wrote 3. Always write out the number in word form if it's smaller than 10.

Otherwise, your paragraphs are short and organized, making them easy to read,

Overall: 77/85=91 The plot isn't very unique overall, but since this is a oneshot, I don't think you were aiming for a one-of-a-kind story. I see how you add twists around to make it more creative, so full points for that. The characters are really good, except for the slight mary-sue ness. Your tense changes need a lot of work because you keep changing them! Keep them in either past or present tense.