Fish Out of Water
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/564698/fish-out-of-water-comedy-romance-sliceoflife-exo-baekhyun

About: Baekhyun(Exo)+OC, romance, comedy, high school, anxiety, kingka, fishes, phobias

Ahri
Finished 4/23/14

Note: I am so so sorry for this very late review >.< It was Roseline who made us all late, but then spring break came, and I went to Oregon, and it's not easy to work on reviews on mobile, so yeah.

Title: 5/5 Unique and funny; it matches the story perfectly, both directly and indirectly. It relates to the main symbol in the story, fishes, and how Hwayoung is stepping out of her comfort zone by getting together with Baekhyun later on.

Foreword: 10/10 I love how Hwayoung's and Baekhyun's descriptions about fishes are the opposites of each other because it gives your story a funny tone which is what you probably want since you described your story as funny. Anyway, the foreword is unique and has a crisp, clean feeling to it which helps hook the readers into it, so full marks for that!

Plot: 20/20 The idea of the plot is actually very cliché (popular boy meets nerd), but you manage to change the plot around by giving Baekhyun a weird phobia and writing from his POV. He seems more of the nice, dorky guy instead of the cold-hearted playboy we all see a lot. Hwayoung is very different from your typical heroine in a fluffy high school romance story! The plot isn't that defined in the first few chapters since you're spending most of it to describe the background, which is fine, but I suggest you squish some events together in one chapter, so your story doesnt' seem dragged out. Dragged out stories tend to become boring, so watch out for that! I can see a cute romance between Baekhyun and Hwayoung since he hates fishes, but she has Elvis the goldfish, so they're going to have to deal with that. I do have to ask if Hwayoung and Baekhyun will end up helping each other get over their fears in the future or not.

Characters: 20/20 I really love how you emphasize Hwayoung's social anxiety! You really describe her thoughts and actions realistically, making it seem really believeable. One thing I don't understand is how she got the anxiety. Did something traumatic happen to her when she was young? Or was it because of years of bullying or domestic abuse? It is possible to be born with anxiety, but something has to happen to Hwayoung to take the anxiety to this high of a level.

Otherwise, I really like how well you write your characters, especially Hwayoung, as I have mentioned above. You give them life without making them too fake and annoying. Keep up the good work!

Grammar and Spelling: 18/20 In paragraph three in chapter one, you switched tenses in the second sentence. Make sure you keep your story in past tense! After that, you switch tenses a lot! Remember to stay in only present or past tense, whichever one you find easier to write in.

Chapter 1 P(aragraph)7 "Numbers don't lie and apparently, time doesn't too." should be 'Numbers don't lie and apparently, time didn't either.'

Chapter 3 P6 "People say that she's paranoid and but what they don't know is how psychologically tormented she is by her anxiety." should be 'People said that she was too paranoid, but what they didn't know was how psychologically tormented she was by her anxiety.'

Chapter 4 P13 "Maybe his phobia wasn't so perculiar after all." should be 'Maybe his phobia wasn't so peculiar after all.'

Flow: 14/15 At first, I thought the story was only going to be in Hwayoung's POV, so when I saw how short chapter one was, I was like "This isn't right" until I read chapter two and realized that you were also including Baekhyun's POV, so no points taken off!

Your flow is kinda of slow in the first few chapters though. I like how you wait out Baekhyun and Hwayoung's first true meeting, but the background information about her school life takes up too many chatpers. Try to squish some events together in one chapter.

Enjoyment: 5/5 Though your tense changes kind of irked me, I really like the overall fluffiness of your story. The main factor that gave your story full marks for this category is how well you describe Hwayoung's feelings.

Structure: 4/5 Remember, only one person should speak in each paragraph!

Another rule to remember is that numbers lower than 10 in a story should be written out, so "5" would be 'five'.

Otherwise, you pargraphs are really neat and organized.

Overall: 96/100 The tense changes are kind off, so make sure to fix them! Otherwise, I love the overall fluffiness of your story and the amazing characters. The flow needs to speed up, but you can take Baekhyun's and Hwayoung's relationships easy. One thing I noticed is that, judging from your write style, your writing level is pretty high, meaning you can do so much better, like use more vocabulary, for example! I see some moments where you are trying to do so, like with metaphors, but add more! Don't overdo it, of course. I also love your fish symbol because that seems to be the main link connecting Baekhyun and Hwayoung.