TIFFANY and TAEYON'S NO-KISS LIST

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/663250/tiffany-and-taeyon-s-no-kiss-list-snsd-taeny-tiffany-taeyon-sisters-contestentry-preordained

About: snsd, taeny, tiffany, taeyon, sisters, contestentry, preordained

Bleu

Finished on  4/1/2014

Title 3/5–I don't really see the major relevancy with a No-Kiss List to a the story really. I mean I understand the somewhat relevancy but not the major relevancy. I personally don't like stories that have titles that aren't relevant to the story at all. I mean, if alone they have a nice tone and deep meaning. But if it's not related to the story that I rather not even use it for a title. It's like saying, you hate cake but you love cupcakes. Okay, that doesn't really make sense and doesn't really compare and contrast with what I'm talking about.

Foreword 7/10–First thing I have to complain about is that you misspelled Taeyeon's name throughout the story. I don't know if this was on purpose, or just pure ignorance. I feel like, if you were to write a story about this character, you should have at least done the research to at least spell her name correctly. I'm not trying to excruciatingly mean or anything, but come on. I was rather annoyed when I saw that you misspelled her name, but I won't talk about it anymore. Another thing I noticed is, your foreword section, when I first read it, before I had any prior knowledge of what the story was about, nor have I even read the first sentence, I was confused. I wasn't sure if your foreword was supposed to be talking about yourself, or the main characters instead, and which main character to be exact? Also, it's “Christmas time” not “Christmastime” they are not the same word what so ever. I feel like your foreword is really messy and looks, in-professional. The main reason I feel like it's messy is by the way you had decided to format it, you chose a way, out of the standards font size which makes it rather hard to read. And the colors you chose are just way too animated, you should really pick a more subtle color so it won't disrupt the reader's readings. Another thing, about your description section, did you write this yourself? If not, please remember to put the credits of who or where you got this. In your description, I had found a few mistakes, mainly because you forgot to put some state-of-being verbs, and commas. I don't know if you were trying to avoid using commas, because that's what popped out to me, since you used dashes instead of commas, and hardly ever used a comma. Also another tip is, whenever you decide to use those consecutive periods/dots, you should always use three. For example,”...”. In the English Literature Rule Book(I doubt this is a real thing, I had just made this up on the spot), it says that the number “three” is the most number of all. It's not too much of something, and it's not too little, just like in Goldilocks and the Three Bears, it's just right. Also here's another heads up, whenever you're using a dash,”-”, you should never have spaces before or after it. After all, it connects the two words/phrases.

❁”There are two kinds of people in the world -the romantic philosopher and the rational philosopher(though I strongly think philosophical romanticist and philosophical rationalist could mean the same thing). The difference between the two, is more than profound -they say that those who feel perceive the world as a tragic place, and those who think see the world as a big comedic joke(perceptively speaking). Personally, I could never know where to categorized myself, although the main point really is, there are two kinds of people. And they always collide..just how hard they strike each other is the question” should be,”There are two different kinds of people in this world–the romantic philosopher and the rational philosopher (though I strongly think that philosophical romanticist and philosophical rationalist could mean the same thing either way). The difference between the two, is more than profoundness. They say that those who feel, perceive the world as a rather tragic place, and those who think, see the world as a big comedic joke (perceptively speaking). Personally, I could never figure out where to categorize myself, but that doesn't matter right now, the main point really is, there are two different kinds of people. In the end though, they will always collide...how hard they will strike each other is the real question though.”

Plot 18/20–One thing I was really upset about was that you misspelled Taeyeon's name over and over again, more specifically, you never spelled it right once. I was really upset because, you're a fan aren't you? So why didn't you spell Taeyeon's name right? I mean, I don't see the trouble of doing at least research on how to spell your main characters, protagonists, name. I mean, it really makes no sense, and yeah. On the other hand though, I really enjoyed your story, your writing style really makes me feel as if I was in Taeyeon or Tiffany's shoes myself, that's how amazing your writing style. I didn't have much complains about your story, but the only thing is I didn't like is the lack of suspense. There weren't much twists or cliffhangers, which I was really upset about. Another thing I don't like is the length of your chapters, whenever I read long chapters, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, but it's just really boring. It makes me grudge whenever I read long chapters cause they're always boring, mainly because it makes you feel like the chapter just drags and drags on.

Characters 17/20–One thing I was really upset about was that you misspelled Taeyeon's name over and over again, more specifically, you never spelled it right once. I was really upset because, you're a fan aren't you? So why didn't you spell Taeyeon's name right? I mean, I don't see the trouble of doing at least research on how to spell your main characters, protagonists, name. I mean, it really makes no sense, and yeah. I know I said the exact same thing in the plot section, but I just really wanted to make myself clear. I don't see much differences between Tiffany and Taeyeon, although you do tell clearly whether or not it's from Tiffany or Taeyeon's perspective/point of view, it just doesn't stand out to me. If you didn't have those subtitles, I would personally have though they were the same people.

Grammar and Spelling 19/20–One major mistake I noticed is that whenever you write dialogue you make a mistake by only using one apostrophe, that is an absolute no-no. Because if you only use one apostrophe, then that's pretty much considered just a phrase, not dialogue. Also another thing is, you should always, let me rephrase that, it doesn't make sense for you not to ever put a space after a comma. Just by looking at it, even if you're not a native speaker, it looks weird doesn't it? You should always put spaces after apostrophes, commas, periods, exclamation points, question marks. But you should never put spaces before or after semi-colons or em dashes. Another thing I want to say is that I'm really impressed by your vast knowledge, and your immense word intelligence, you use a lot of words that even I don't know sometimes, so I was really impress. Another thing is, you barely had any grammar mistakes, let it be run-off sentences, incomplete sentences, or just sentences that don't even make sense. I'm really amazed by your grammar especially since there weren't any spelling mistakes at all. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it, cause it's the right thing to do.

Flow 15/15–Your flow is perfect the way it is, I have nothing to complain about. You have perfect transitions and you make my job really easy.

Enjoyment 4/5–I really enjoyed this story, although I did get bored after the first three chapters, your writing style is spectacular. It really made me feel as if I was in the story myself. Another thing is you have almost perfect grammar and spelling, which is really hard to find nowadays.

Structure 4/5–The only thing I didn't like about your structure is that your chapters are just way too long. Whenever I see long chapters I cringe in fear, long chapters are usually boring, because they just drag and drag on forever. That's why I prefer short and suspenseful chapters.

Overall 80/100–I was really upset when you constantly and consecutively misspelled Taeyeon's name. I was flabbergasted actually, I mean, I don't see how hard it is to at least do some research on how to spell your main charactes name. Another thing is I was really amazed by your high-level English, you have a vast knowledge on grammar and spelling.