Junhyung's POV

Ten messages from Haneul.

I opened them one by one. Each a photo of her making weird faces. The first one, she had a pig nose. Second, she puffed her cheeks and squeezed her eyes shut. Third, she stuck out her tongue, eyes rolled up. Fourth, she pouted her lips, as thou asking for a kiss. Fifth, she pulled her features with her fingers, making herself look funny.

Sixth, she squashed her cheeks and crossed her eyes. Seventh, she her cheeks in, making the tweety bird beak. Eighth, she widened her eyes with her fingers, making the shocked expression. Ninth, she covered her face with her palms. Lastly, a really beautiful photo of her just smiling; her hair was all over the place, her eyes were almost gone with her smile, but she still looks super good.

“KYAHHHHHHHHHH!!” I squealed.

Why is she so shocking all the time!? She absolutely doesn’t look like one who would do something like this.

***

“On the streets where they exchange love, kissing her on her lips. Let’s spend this night together, together forever. You are my first love.” I sang.

“Liar.” She laughed at the first love sentence.

“It’s true.” I whispered.

“Merry Christmas.” I attacked her lips even before she could say anything.

 “MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Yelling broke our kiss apart.

“Tsk~” I frowned.

She elbowed me lightly and I pouted at her.

My group mates started running into the room, all dressed in suits.

“This is my girlfriend, Haneul.” I introduced.

The smiles on their face faded into confusion.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“CLEANING LADY!?” Kikwang yelled.

***

“Go away!” She used the Rudolf to kick my Santa.

“What!?” I used my Santa to knock her Rudolf over.

“Why do I always have to carry you and your sledge?!” Her Rudolf ‘turned its back’ against my Santa.

“Because you’re the reindeer?” I said, my Santa head butting her Rudolf’s .

“ERT!” She yelled, turning her Rudolf over.

“Are you going to work or not!?” I yelled, making my Santa go really close to her Rudolf.

“No!” She made her Rudolf move a few steps away.

“Okay then, you’ll have no pay to buy medicine for your flu.” I said, making my Santa ‘walk’ away.

“Ah no!! Master! I’ll work!” She made her Rudolf ‘run’ back.

“Good! Then what are you waiting for!?” I yelled.

“Christmas? Duh~” She said.

We both ended up laughing.

“That was lame.” She said, still laughing.

“What a rebellious Rudolf.” I laughed.

“What a bad tempered Santa.” She said.

***

I stood in front of the toilet bowl.

“Quick.” She said, purposely staring at my crotch area.

My hands fumbled against the zip.

“Please…” I pleaded with a pout.

“I didn’t say I’m not going to let you pee! I said to do it! But you refused!” She hugged my neck tighter.

“I can’t pee like this!” I said.

“You can. Come on.” She laughed.

My hands trembled as I tried to unbuckle my jeans. I kept looking at her with a painful expression.

“You can pee sitting down if you want.” She teased.

“Huh?” I mumbled painfully.

“Are you not going to pee? You’ll wet your pants soon if you endure further.” She said, lightly poking my bladder area, causing me to jump.

“Don’t!” I whined.

“Call me Noona.” She said.

“What!?” I yelled.

“Don’t get too excited. You may pee all over the place.” She laughed.

“I’m older, you know!” I said.

“I know. That’s why.” She smiled.

I bit my lips and looked away.

“So? Calling or not?” She said.

I shook my head.

“Okay. It’s fine for me.” She said.

She started whistling the ‘Troublemaker’ tune.

***

“You little monkey. Aren’t you tired? Take a break.” I said, pushing the hair out of her face.

Instead of a break, we ended up challenging each other. This time it was to hold our breath under water.

“No cheating!” She said before pushing my head underwater.

I held my breath for as long as I could. I was starting to feel light headed and really uncomfortable. I didn’t want to die here, so I gave up.

“I give up!” I shouted, taking it large breath of cold air.

Haneul wasn’t here anymore. I looked around for her, but she was nowhere to be seen. I mentally smacked myself when I realize I was being fooled.

“Oh, you’re up!” She smiled. A towel wrapped over her body, holding two cups in her hand.

“CHEATER!” I yelled.

“I didn’t cheat! You won! Congrats!” She smiled.

She left the drinks aside and stretched out her hand to pull me up.

“Cheater!” I shouted again.

“I said you won, right? Besides, this is the first time I saw anyone take such games so seriously.” She laughed

***

We were looking through the glass panel of a girl group’s waiting room.

“So pretty.” She said.

“Not that!” I raised my voice.

“Then what?” She said in frustration.

“Look at their faces, look at the food on their table.” I said.

“Pretty.” She said.

“Damn it, Haneul! Look behind the prettiness!” I said.

“Such nice body~” She said.

“Gosh. You’re giving me a headache. Look! Look at them. They yearn to eat, but they can’t. Why?!” I shouted.

“Because they want a good body?” She said.

“Exactly.” I said.

“Sacrifices have to be made. You gain some and you lose some.” She said.

“But do they look happy to you? Do you want to be staring at food and not being able to eat them? Do you know how envious they will be if they saw you eating? Do you know how much freedom you actually have whereas they don’t? Or rather, we don’t?” I said.

She looked at me blankly.

“I know I cannot change your thinking just by showing you a few scenes like this. It’s like trying to change a child’s habit of food picking by showing them starving children in Africa. It’s not going to work, I know. But you were never like this. I guess it’s my mistake to bring you here. I’m sorry I caused you to feel so inferior.” I said.

She shook her head.

“It’s not.” She said.

“I just want you to know, everyone is different. We lead different lives and we should not be envious of others. Of course, there are times where things like this happen. I admit, I am jealous too, at times. Like when I saw your friend, Jace or what. I felt inferior too. He is so handsome, yet, I am just, me. But we all have to get over it and leave on. We cannot live our life wanting to be someone else, because we aren’t. Ugly or pretty, fat or slim, you’re still you.” I said.

She pouted and looked down.

“And what is most important is I love you, not them. Isn’t that enough? Don’t say I’ll change soon. Don’t say I’ll get tired of you soon. Don’t say such things, please. It’s painful, you know. I love you so much. Don’t doubt me.” I said.

“Sorry.” I heard her mumble.

“I love every single part of your body, be it whether there are more fats or less fats. Come on, we all have fats. And your face, you’re so beautiful. Can’t you see? Don’t you own a mirror at home? Should I buy you one?” I said.

She smiled slightly.

“There, you look so much prettier with that smile.” I said, cupping her cheeks.

***

“Ha… neul.. ah~” I mumbled.

“Opps~” She stuck out her tongue.

She moved her fingers closer to my , it lightly with her finger. I fist the bed sheet and bit my lower lip so hard I started bleeding.

“Hey~ I wouldn’t laugh at you if you moan. Don’t hurt yourself like this.” She said, wiping the blood away from my lip.

“AGHHHHHH~” I moaned.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!” She laughed.

I looked at her, perspiring profusely.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it.” She said.

She grabbed my hard member and gave it a light pump.

“You like it?” She asked, giving me another harder pump.

“Aghhhh yea~” I moaned.

“Why do you look like you’re in pain? Am I hurting you?” She asked.

I shook my head.

She pumped me a few more times. She took another step by the tip of my member. I shivered slightly and grabbed the sheets tighter.

“Don’t…. Tease..” I panted.

“I’m not.” She said, my tip.

I could feel something sticky and warm leak out of me.

“Pleaseeeeeee~” I whined.

She lean closer to me as she pumped my . My moans got louder as she increased speed.

“AGHHHH~” He moaned and came onto her hand.

“Oh . Sorry!” I apologized, still panting heavily.

***

“It’s my… first.” She mumbled softly.

I looked at her in surprise.

“I’m sorry.” I said.

“Why are you apologizing?” She asked.

“I shouldn’t have.” I looked down.

“I want you to have it.” She said, rubbing my arm.

“I’ll.. I’ll be gentle.” I said.

“So that means if it’s not my first, you would be extremely rough?” She teased.

“No no no! I never meant it that way!” I said anxiously.

“I know I know. I’m just kidding.” She laughed.

“I’m going in, okay?” I said.

She nodded.

I hugged her waist as I pushed myself into her slowly.

“I’m sorry! Please don’t cry!” I said worriedly as I wiped the tears off her cheeks.

“I’ll stop, I’ll stop.” I said.

She shook her head, stopping me from pulling out.

“Don’t. Just.. go~” She said.

“No! You’re in pain.” I frowned.

“Just do it.” She said, resting her head on my neck.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

She nodded.

***

“Next time just yell.” She said.

“Even if you bit off my flesh, I wouldn’t make a sound.” I mumbled.

“Crazy~” She laughed.

“Darling~” I called out.

“Mmm?” She asked, my chest.

“Thank you for making my first time so enjoyable.” I said.

***

“True. It’s weird isn’t it? Menstruating guy? But I guess that fellow would be the only one who understands our pain.” She said.

“Well, I guess so.” I mumbled.

“And you don’t have s!” She said, poking my chest.

“Of course I don’t.” I said.

“But I really mean it when I say I’ll love you still.” She said with a slight pout.

“I got it.” I said, kissing her cheek.

***

Her eyes widened at the huge patch of bruise on my stomach. I pulled down my shirt and smiled awkwardly at her.

She rested her head on my lap and hugged my waist, face snuggling into my stomach. I her back, enjoying our time together.

“!” She cursed suddenly.

“How could they do this!?” She yelled.

“Huh?” I looked at her, confused.

“How could they hurt you like this!?” She shouted.

“It’s okay.” I said, rubbing her back to calm her down.

“It’s not okay!” She yelled at me. Tears spilled out of her eyes like an open dam.

“Hey hey~ Don’t cry. Please. Shhh~” I pulled her into my arms.

“Don’t cry.” I hushed her.

“They hurt you and all you said is its okay!? It’s not okay! Damn it! It’s not okay!” She shouted.

“Okay, okay. I’m wrong. Shhh~” I said.

“How is getting hurt for no reason okay!? You tell me! How is it okay!?” She cried louder.

“It’s not okay. It definitely isn’t. Please, don’t cry.” I pleaded her.

***

“But Junhyung, you are normal.” He said.

I smiled and shook my head.

“Junhyung, I’ve known you for years. You’re not the type to make rash decisions.” He said.

“Sir, I really want this.” I said.

“You sure you really want it? If yes, then why did you wait for so many years? Why didn’t you come to me a few years back?” He said.

“Okay. I have a girlfriend.” I said.

“I knew it. Did she force you into this?” He asked.

“No no no! She doesn’t know. And she’s not the kind of girl. I.. I just want to be normal for her.” I said.

“Junhyung, it’s not worth the risk. It was 7:3 three years ago, but with your body now, it’s 8:2, or maybe even 9:1. Is it worth the risk? You may die, do you know?” He said.

I smiled and nodded at him.

“She’s worth everything.” I said.

***

“AHHHH!!! DON’T LET GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Haneul yelled for her dear life.

“HAHAHAHA! How can I let go when you’re clinging onto me so tightly!?” I laughed.

“I’m scared!!!!” She whined.

“How do you expect to ski like this!?” I asked.

She was clinging onto me like a koala bear.

“I don’t know!!” She shouted.

“Trust me. I wouldn’t let you fall.” I said, holding her hand.

“No no no!!!” She shook her head.

“Okay, let’s give up skiing.” I said.

“Huh!? No!! I want to learn!” She protested.

“But how!?” I looked at her.

“Okay okay! Erm.. AHHH I’M SCARED!!!” She jumped into my embrace.

“Do you trust me?” I asked her.

“Of course!” She said.

“Then let go.” I said.

“Huh? How is letting go trusting you?” She asked.

“I’ll never let you fall. Even if you happen to fall, I’ll cushion your fall. I’ll never let you get hurt.” I said.

***

“What’s inside? A corpse?” She asked sarcastically.

“Shhh~ It’sKikwang.” I whispered.

“Huh? But why Kikwang?” She whispered back.

“He’s too dumb. I got pissed off and accidently you know~” I whispered.

“Oh~” She smiled.

“Ya. Shhh~” He laughed.

***

“Have you ever regret… You know.. Being with me?” I asked.

She stopped drawing and instead slapped my stomach.

“Oww~” I whined.

“Yong Junhyung!” She knelt in front of me, grabbing my cheeks.

“You have been behaving very weirdly these days! Tell me, are you hiding something from me? No, I should say, tell me what you are hiding from me!” She frowned.

“I’m not hiding anything.” I said through my squashed cheeks.

“Liar liar liar!” She slapped my chest.

“I’m really not!” I said, pulling her into my embrace.

She bit my arm hard but I didn’t let her go.

“I’m just wondering if I am being a burden to you.” I said.

“What burden!?” She kicked my shin in anger.

“You once had a carefree life, but now, because of me, you can’t even date properly. Shopping, movie, meal dates; all these things are what girls want to do with their boyfriends isn’t it? Openly hug each other, hold hands, walk down the street. But because of my job, we have to do it at night. We can only eat supper, watch midnight movies. We can’t even shop. I feel apologetic towards you.” I said.

“What? Is this a break up?” She asked.

“Break up!? No no! I don’t mean it that way! I never want to!” I said hurriedly.

“Then? Seriously, you think I don’t know all these? You think I agreed to be your girlfriend clueless about the fact I cannot enjoy all those? Seriously, Yong Junhyung?” She stared at me.

***

“You and I together. It's just feels so right. Even though I bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you. You and I together, don't ever let go of my hands, even though I bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you.” Her voice is like a blanket, wrapping around me, keeping me warm.

“I close my eyes lightly whenever I feel lonely again. I no longer fear when your breath holds me. No one in the world can replace you. You are the only one in I'll be there for you baby.” She sang into my ear.

“You and I together. It's just feels so right. Even though I bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you. You and I together, don't ever let go of my hands, even though I bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you.” She sang.

I wish we can be together forever too. I don’t want to say goodbye to her so soon.

“Just you and I, Forever and ever..” She whispered.

“My Dear boy, I don’t know why are you crying, neither do I know how to console you. But I want you to know, I am here for you, no matter what happens. I promise you, and I’ll abide by it. If you want to talk, even if I am asleep, wake me up, I’ll not get angry. I’ll listen. I never had anything I want to protect in my life, not even myself, but after I met you, you’re all I want to love and protect. It hurts me to see you cry like this. It hurts me even more at the fact I cannot do anything about it. Please, Junnie ah, I love you.” She said, hugging me tightly.

***

“Sor.. Sorry Sir. I took her away without your permission.” I said, holding onto my head.

“AND DO YOU KNOW HOW RUDE THAT IS!? DON’T YOU HAVE PARENTS!? DO THEY APPROVE OF YOUR RUDE BEHAVIOR!? OR DID THEY NOT TEACH YOU MANNERS!?” Her father roared into my face.

 “I’m sorry.” I bowed.

 “Let’s go.” She grabbed my hand.

“Where do you think you’re going!?” Her father yelled.

“Away from here! Why don’t you just go back to work!? Isn’t that what the both of you only bother about!? When I finally find my happiness, you want to destroy it, is it!?” She shouted back.

Her father raised his hand to slap her. I quickly pulled her into my embrace.

“Please don’t! Please don’t hit her. It’s not her fault. I took her away without even telling her. I’m sorry I didn’t think. I’m sorry.” I apologized, burying her into my chest.

 “Darling, bring your friend down and come back up.” Her mom said.

“He can go down on his own!” Her dad shouted.

 “Are you okay? Can you walk?” She asked.

***

“I want to be normal for her. I’m sorry.” I mumbled.

“But Hyung, what if you die? What if something bad happens to you? What are we going to tell her? How are we going to accept it? Have you thought for us?” Dongwoon said.\

He hit it right on. All along, I was selfish. I never thought for them, neither did I think for her. I only thought for myself and what I think she would want from me. I never seek anyone’s opinions. I never asked them if it was okay. Everything was just about myself.

“What are we going to do without you?” Doojoon Hyung said, throwing himself into my arms and sobbing like a baby.

“I’m sorry, Hyung.” I said, his back.

“Don’t do it. Junnie Hyung, please. Don’t do it.” Kikwang said.\

“Please, let me do it.” I said.

They all stared at me.

“Don’t you understand!? Don’t you see it!? You may die! You may lose everything! How is it worth it!? Did you fail your calculations!? I can count better than you!” Kikwang yelled.

He kicked the table, sending it flying against the wall. Dongwoon had to hug him to prevent him from breaking more stuff. It was rare that he loses his temper.

“I cannot bring myself to tell her the truth. Call me selfish or coward, but I am really, really scared.” I broke down.

“Then what if something happens? Have you thought of how shocked and helpless she would be?” Doojoon said, wiping the tears off my face.

“I don’t know! Hyung! I really don’t know! I just.. I just..” I couldn’t continue talking.

“Look here.” Hyunseung cupped my face.

“Do you really want it? No regrets? Even if something bad happens?” He asked.

I thought for awhile. Do I really want it? Or am I just waiting for someone to stop me? But still, I nodded.

“Okay. Then do it.” He said.

***

“You wouldn’t feel anything.” Haneul said, slapping my stomach.

“Not unless I stab you.” She mumbled and got off the bed.

She looked at me, arms crossed.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I got ripped out of class suddenly and was told that you were in danger. When I arrived, I got yelled at for being late and that everything was over. I stomped into the operating theater, not knowing my purpose, embarrassing myself in the process. All I knew was that I had to stop you from doing whatever operation you were intending on doing.  And suddenly everyone was just laughing at me. Is this some sort of April’s Fool prank?” She said.

I kept quiet and looked away. She roughly forced me to face her.

“Tell me! What exactly is going on!” She yelled, her cheeks puffed in anger.

“You really want to know?” I asked.

***

“I’m different.” I said.

“You have always been telling me you’re different! But you never told me how different are you!” She yelled.

“Stop shouting. Your voice is hoarse already.” I said, trying to sit up.

“Tell me!!! Every single thing!!!” She shouted.

I pulled her to sit down beside me.

“The moment I tell you everything, things between us may change. Are you sure you still want to know?” I asked.

She froze and looked at me. Her lips pouted as tears spilled out of her eyes.

“Don’t cry, my Baby girl.” I said, wiping away the tears on her cheeks.

“If you can cry! Then why can’t I!? What are you keeping from me!? Are you dying!? Do you have cancer or something like this?! I’m not leaving you!!!” She cried into my chest.

“You’re silly.” I laughed, her back.

“Don’t hide anything from me anymore! Please! I’m begging you!” She cried louder.

“I have a period.” I said, closing my eyes.

I felt her push away from my body.

“What?” She choked.

“I have a period.” I repeated myself, opening my eyes to look at her.

***

“REVERSE THE ING CAR!!!” I yelled.

My back hurt like crazy each time I tried to move or yell. I had to repeat myself a few times before he finally understood me. When he finally got the broken car out, I could finally see the damages caused to the bookstore. The place where the door once stood was just an empty hole now. I would have died horribly, I couldn’t imagine. I limped out of the bookstore and looked around, trying to find the cause of the other crash.

I saw a car lying overturned across the street. I froze when I remembered Haneul sitting across the street, the exact same spot the car crashed into. I felt cold all over as I looked around frantically, praying hard I would see Haneul strolling towards me, but I couldn’t find anyone. The streets were empty, except for the crashed cars and myself. Of course, who would be strolling the streets at 3AM in the morning?

“Haneul ah!” I shouted for her.

I tried to run, but my back didn’t allow me to.

“Haneul ah!!!” I cried as I dragged myself along.

Suddenly, the car across the road burst into flames. I watch in shock as bright flames blinded my sight. My Haneul. Please tell me my Haneul isn’t there. I have not apologized to her yet, I have not bought her the new casing, a new phone. I have not done so many things I want to do with her. I have not tell her how much I actually love her. She cannot be gone just like this. She cannot die. I would never forgive myself if anything happens to her. If I didn't flare up at her, she would not have gotten upset. If she wasn't upset, she would not walk out. If she did not walk out, things wouldn't be like this now.

My mind was in a huge mess. I couldn't breathe properly. I felt like puking. I had a strong feeling I was going to pass out any moment. 

“Haneul ah!!!!” I yelled.

I found the strength in me to ignore the pain in my back. I ran as fast as I could across the road.

***

“Silly. You’re our daughter’s boyfriend, you got admitted to the hospital, it’s only normal we come visit you. Well, unless you feel uncomfortable, we can go.” Her mother said.

“Ahh no no! I don’t mean it this way.” I said hurriedly.

“Alright. I was just kidding. Are you hungry?” She asked.

I shook my head, but my stomach betrayed me by growling really loudly.

“Damn it.” I mumbled.

They burst into laughter.

“Come on! Even if you’re a celebrity, you’re still human and still a growing boy. It’s natural to be hungry. Anyway, I cooked you barley porridge. I don’t know if it’ll suit your tasting. It may not be as good as your mother’s, but Haneul love it. Eh wait, do you eat porridge to start with?” She asked.

“I do. I eat anything.” I said.

“Good.” She said.

Her father took out a tumbler from the paper bag and settled it onto the table. Her mother washed the bowl and spoon. I looked at them, feeling really lucky. They weren’t my parents, but their actions made me feel like yelling ‘Appa’, ‘Umma’. If other people could treat me so well, why can’t my own parents?

“Junhyungie~ Are you okay?” Her mother waved her hand at my face.

“Ah yes. I’m fine.” I smiled.

“Can I call you Junhyungie?” She asked.

“Junhyungie?” I asked.

“Oh. You don’t like it? Ah it’s okay. I’m sorry.” She said.

“No no. I’m just surprised. Please call me Junhyungie if you like. I’m perfectly fine with it.” I said.

“Really? Junhyungie~ Hahaha! Feels like as thou I’m calling my son. Your mother must be so proud to have such a talented and handsome son.” She said.

***

“Oh. I’m going back.” She said.

“GOING BACK!?” I yelled.

“Shhh! What is wrong with you?” She frowned.

“You’re going back!? When!?” I asked.

“The day after tomorrow.” She said.

“And you are telling me only now?!” I shouted.

“You can keep things from me and I can’t tell you stuff last minute?” She said.

Is this part of her so called ‘taste of your own medicine’ plan?

“Not that~ But I mean~ How can you do this to me? You’re leaving and you don’t even give me the time to prepare myself.” I said.

“It’s not like I am not coming back. I’m just going back for the Lunar New Year, and then I’ll be back.” She said.

“How long?” I asked.

“About one or two months, I think.” She said.

“ONE OR TWO MONTHS!?” I yelled.