Haneul’s POV

I looked at the clock, it was an hour passed the time set to meet Junhyung. I made sure everything was in order and that everyone was asleep before hurrying out. In the lift, my heart went crazy. It’s been three years. Honestly, I never expect to see him again. I still watch them on TV but seeing him in person was a totally different feeling. He looks even thinner and paler than before. What exactly has this person been doing to himself?

When the lift arrived at the first level, it took me quite awhile to get out. I stood at the corner, peeking out to see if he was still there, and he was. His food was still untouched on the table. He was asleep on his arm in an awkward position. On the seat beside him sits the Daisy Duck. I walked over to him slowly and settled down on the seat in front of him. I watch him sleep. How I miss this. How I wish I could go over and caress his cheek.

‘Skye’; I recall him calling me that earlier before. Does that mean he remembers everything? Because I have never told him I was called Skye since he lost his memory. No one else knew but him. So unless he remembers, it wouldn’t be possible that he knew.

His arm slide off the arm rest, waking himself up. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. When he finally saw me, he sat up straight, as thou he was meeting the principal or his CEO.

“I’m sorry. I must have fallen asleep. Why didn’t you wake me? I’m sorry.” He apologized.

“No, it’s not your fault. I was late.” I said.

He looked down, playing with his fingers.

“Why didn’t you eat?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“Eat?” He asked.

I pointed at the pack of food on the table.

“Oh. I erm.. I’m not hungry.” He said.

“Alright. You’re always not hungry anyway.” I said.

“Shall we talk outside?” He asked.

I nodded and we went to a quiet area in the ski resort. We settled down but did not say anything.

He smiled awkwardly.

“Erm…” He mumbled.

“Yea?” I said.

“How… Have you been?” He asked.

“Alive.” I said.

“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to say you should be dead. Just that…” He said softly.

“Just that what? Just because I have not been appearing for three years you assume I was dead?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“Then?” I asked.

“They said you were dead.” He mumbled.

“Who said?” I asked.

“Jace… And your parents.” He mumbled.

Jace and my parents told Junhyung I was dead!? How could they…

“Well, they are not exactly wrong.” I said, keeping my cool.

“What?” He looked up at me with a hurt expression.

“Haneul is dead.” I said.

He shook his head.

“How about you? You’ve lost a lot of weight since we last met.” I said.

“I haven’t been well.” He mumbled.

“And why is that so?” I asked.

“I…” He bit his lower lip.

“Haneul ah, I’m so sorry for everything. What I said to you, what I did to you. I remember everything. As I read the letter you sent, I remembered everything. I’m so sorry you had to go through everything. It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry. Haneul ah, would you forgive me? Please?” He pleaded.

“I was never angry with you, so there’s nothing to forgive.” I said.

“But you were disappointed, weren’t you?” He said.

He took out a stack of paper from his back pocket.

“I know everything, Haneul ah. What you did for me, I know. My mom came.” He said, showing me the letters I wrote to his mother behind his back.

“And this, for three years, I’ve been carrying it around.” He showed me the letter I wrote to him that day.

“And this too.” He said, picking up the Daisy Duck.

“So?” I asked.

“Do we still have a chance? I mean… You’re not married, aren’t you? I know you have a kid, but its fine! I’ll love her like she’s mine.” He said.

“What makes you think I am not married?” I asked.

“You don’t have the ring on your finger.” He said.

“Not wearing the ring means I am not married? Still, what makes you think I am okay with you being the father of my girl?” I asked.

He looked down, not saying anything.

“Don’t you find yourself a little funny?” I said.

He looked at me, confused.

“When you wanted me, you begged to be with me. When you forgot me, I pleaded you, but you pushed me away. And now when you remember everything, you want us to be back together. Three years ago, remember what you said to me? You said I was selfish and that I have never asked you if you really wanted things to be that way. Now, it’s my turn to ask you, have you ever wondered why I have not appeared for three years? Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe I am really happy being the way I am now?” I said.

From his expression I could tell that my every word was a stab into his heart, just like how it is to mine. As much as I wanted to agree to be with him again, I couldn’t bring myself to.

“I’m so sorry.” He said.

“What if one day you wake up and realize you forgot about me again? Or you realize I am just not the one for you? Am I supposed to put up with those harsh treatments again?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“I’m very happy now, Junhyung ah.” I said.

“But I am not.” He mumbled.

“You’ll be.” I said.

“Why can’t we have another chance together?” He asked.

“Do you think we could? Do you think we should? Do you think we deserve it?” I asked.

He looked down, keeping quiet.

“I’m happy that you remembered everything, really. But it’s pretty much of no use now. Put those behind you and go start another life.” I said.

“I don’t want another life without you.” He mumbled.

“You need to let go, Junhyung ah~” I said.

“You hate me, don’t you?” He asked.

“I’ll be lying if I said I don’t.” I said.

“Is this why you made people lie to me that you’re dead? And then you went to around with other guys and got yourself pregnant?!” He yelled.

My jaws dropped at his words. What did he just say?

“Are you indirectly calling me a ? So to you I am such a person? Ha! Junhyung ah~ Wah…” I asked, trying to keep my temper down.

“I… I’m sorry. I don’t mean it that way.” He said hurriedly.

“Seriously, did you really remember everything about us? Because the Junhyung that I knew would never say such a thing to me.” I said.

He looked at me with a pained expression.

“Forget it, Junhyung. Forget about us.” I said.

“Things have changed, can’t you see? You have changed, and so have I. We aren’t like we’re in the past anymore.” I said.

“No no! Please!” He begged.

“These don’t mean anything.” I said, taking up the stack of letters.

“You shouldn’t be holding onto them anymore.” I said, tearing them up.

He literally shouted and tried to snatch them back from me.

“HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!?” He cried.

“Let go, of yourself, of me, and of us.” I said, dumping the letters into the bin.

“DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE MEAN TO ME!? HOW COULD YOU JUST DUMP IT AWAY LIKE IT IS NOTHING!?” He yelled, digging into the rubbish bin.

“Then do you know how much you meant to me? How could you just push me away like I was nothing?” I said.

He looked up at me, his eyes were swollen and red, his skin was so pale he looks sick and his face stained with tears.

“I know what I done was unforgiveable. Whatever I said just now was just out of anger. I am sorry I couldn’t control myself well. But all I ask for is another chance. Why can’t you give me another chance to prove myself to you?” He cried.

“You had three years, but where were you?” I asked.

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!! THEY KEPT TELLING ME YOU WERE DEAD!!!” He shouted so loud I could see his veins pop out at the side of his neck.

“Then why not like this? Just keep on believing I am dead. We have never met today. Okay?” I said, turning away.

“They told me you were dead, but I never believed you were dead, Haneul ah.” He grabbed onto my hand.

“I told you, Haneul is dead.” I said, pulling my hand away from him.

“I thought you said in the letter we could be friends.” He mumbled.

“I changed my mind. I don’t think you want to be friends with a .” I said.

“I never meant it that way!!!!” He shouted till his voice went hoarse.

“For the last time as Haneul, I’m telling you, let go and live your life.” I said.

We stared at each other for a few minutes before I turned and walked off.

“NO NO!! PLEASE DON’T GO!! I BEG YOU!!” He ran for me and hugged me from behind.

“Junhyung, let go.” I said.

He shook his head.

“Then don’t blame me.” I said.

I elbowed him in his ribs and he fell backwards. I turned back slightly to see him kneeling on the floor, crying into his palms. My heart ached at the sight.

“I’m so sorry!” He kept crying.

“Don’t be.” I mumbled as I walked off.

I would be lying if I said I don’t love him. I couldn’t bear to leave him alone, so I hid myself and watched him, just to make sure he would be okay. He cried for a good twenty minutes before picking himself up. I thought he would go back to the resort, but instead he went to the bin and started digging into it.

“Please go back, Junhyung ah. Stop digging…” I mumbled.

I felt so guilty I couldn’t watch anymore. I headed back to the resort. I stayed in the toilet, covering my mouth to muffle my cries. I couldn’t get his image off my head. His sunken cheeks, hollow eyes, thin body. He was such a wreck, and the way he begged, he was so desperate. I never expected him to become like this. For once, I rather he never remembered me, at least he would be happier, I think.

/FLASHBACK

“One step and it would be the end of things. I just need one step.” I convinced myself.

I know this is wrong, I know this is stupid. of course I do. But I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t think I could live on anymore.

I closed my eyes, letting the cold wind hit my body.

“One step.” I mumbled.

For the first time in my life, I realize how difficult it is to actually take the step that would change everything. Is this how those people feel when they are standing at the edge of the building? All alone, frightened and no one to talk to.

My phone rang, I felt frustrated and relieved at the same time.

“Hello?” I answered, trying to sound as normal as possible.

“Baby girl, are you okay?” Jace asked.

“I’m fine.” I lied.

“Don’t lie. You know you can’t lie to me. Where are you?” He asked.

“Why did you call?” I asked.

“I had a bad feeling, I was so worried I couldn’t sleep. So I called.” He said.

“Jace…” I cried.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

I told him everything, including my attempt to suicide.

“YOU STUPID GIRL!!! GET THE HELL OFF THE BUILDING NOW!! WOULD YOU CHANGE ANYTHING IF YOU DIED!? STUPID GIRL!! I AM WARNING YOU! YOU BETTER GET THE HELL HOME NOW!” He shouted.

“I can’t live anymore.” I cried.

“When did you become like this? Where is the chic and optimistic Skye?” He asked, his voice trembling.

“She’s dead.” I cried.

“Don’t let him do this to you!!!! Please Skye! I’m begging you! I’ll come to you now. But I need time! You promise me you’ll go home eh? Please! Go home and wait for me. I’ll book the air ticket now. Please! You’re all that I have, you can’t just leave your Jace alone on earth. You know I can’t survive. Please!” He begged.

To be honest, I was just waiting for someone to tell me not to die.

I agreed and got off the building. He kept me on the line till I arrived home.

“I’ll be here soon. You just go to sleep alright? When you wake up I’ll be here. Okay? Please.” He pleaded.

“Okay.” I said.

“Promise me?” He said.

“Promise.” I said.

I cried myself to sleep that night. I dreamt of Junhyung, not the mean things he did, but the happy times we spent together. When I opened my eyes, I saw Jace.

“Thank you for being alive.” He said, tears flowing down his cheeks.

“Sorry.” I cried, hugging him.

“That bastard.” He mumbled.

“He needs to be taught a lesson.” He said.

“Don’t… Don’t hurt him.. It isn’t his fault. He just forgot.” I said.

“To think you’re still on his side!” He yelled.

“I love him, I really do.” I cried.

He kept quiet.

“But Jace, take me away. I can’t live here anymore.” I said.

He nodded and kissed me on my forehead.

“Never live for anyone but yourself. Understand?” He said, wiping away my tears.

/END OF FLASHBACK

“Are you okay? Why are you crying?” The door opened.

I stared at the figure.

“What happened?” He asked, hugging me.

“ off.” I said, pushing him away.

“What is wrong?” He asked.

“Jace, what the did you tell Junhyung three years ago?” I asked.

“What are you saying?” He asked.

“I told you not to do anything to him! But what exactly did you do!?” I yelled.

“Shhh shhh! The kids are asleep, damn it.” He covered my mouth.

He dragged me out of the room and to the side.

“Why are you suddenly asking?” He asked.

“Just tell me! What the hell did you do to him!?” I shouted.

“Stop shouting!” He frowned.

“Tell me!” I glared at him.

He told me what he did. How he bashed Junhyung up and telling him he was the cause of my death and a murderer. He also convinced my parents to tell Junhyung I was dead.

“YOU HUGE MANIPULATOR!!!” I shouted, slapping him across his cheek.

His eyes widened.

“We could have been together if not for what you said! What have you done to him! You made him live like a dead man! I told you it wasn’t his fault! Why did you still do it!? And, how could you even get my parents to do it!? What were all of you doing behind my back!?” I yelled.

“It wasn’t his fault? Ha! You almost went to kill yourself, stupid girl. And you still say it wasn’t his fault? If he didn’t kiss the damn girl behind your back, if he didn’t forget you, if he wasn’t such a jerk just because he forgot everything, would such things happen!? It wasn’t his fault! Then whose!? Yours!? Mine!? God!?” He yelled.

I looked at him, not knowing what to say.

“I know what I did was mean. I shouldn’t have lied to him and all. That’s why I got your parents to tell him in hope he would give up on you and continue living! You think I have not been seeing how he lived his life for three years? You think I didn’t feel guilty? I did okay! For a split moment, I felt guilty! But then when I see you, I picture you throwing yourself off the building and I felt like an for not murdering him that very day!” He shouted into my face.

“And all you said after so long was why I did it? What a huge manipulator I am? Yes, I am. But that’s all because I care and love you, damn it! Do you know how scared I was when I heard that you were going to kill yourself? Throughout that whole time, booking the tickets, keeping you on the line, on the flight here alone, do you know how freaked out I was? I was so afraid that being you, you would just do it anyway despite my pleadings. I was so ing scared alright!” He shouted, his lips trembling as tears spilled out from his eyes.

Although I have known Jace for many years, it was rare to see him cry.

“Suit yourself, whatever you want to do. I can’t be bothered anymore.” He mumbled as he turned around and went back to the room, leaving me to stand alone in the corridor.

‘Haneul, you idiot. Why are you always making the guys you love so much cry?’ I thought to myself, burying my face into my palms.

I went back to the room. Jace was curled up beside the girl, hand resting on her arm, asleep. I sat down next to him, touching the part of his cheek where I slapped. It was still red and a little swollen. I took a cold towel and dapped on that part, in hope to reduce the swelling. What have I done to him? If not for Jace, I would have been dead. He literally pulled me back to life. How could I treat him so harshly?

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered.

I knew he was awake when his tears started spilling again.

“I was a selfish idiot. Sorry.” I said, caressing his back.

“Forgive me, please?” I said, hugging him.

He shifted a little, burying his face into the pillow.

“It’s just that I met him today. He was such a wreck.” I explained.

“But I know you were upset at that point of time. I should have thought from your point of view before flaring up.” I said.

“Don’t be angry please. Don’t ignore me.” I said.

He shook his head slightly.

“Sleep well.” I said, wiping away his tears.

I slipped myself next to him, closing my eyes. I tried to piece everything together. So for three years Junhyung thought I was dead, therefore he kind of tortured himself? That’s why when he saw me, his first sentence was ‘you’re not dead’.

And then I start to wonder; Is ‘us’ still possible?