Junhyung’s POV

“Haneul ah~ Please.. Get up.. Junhyung! Say something! Stop her!” Doojoon tried to pull Haneul up but she pushed him away.

“I’m so sorry…” She kept apologizing.

I stared at Haneul, her face stained with tears, her forehead bruised and bleeding slightly from the cut. I squat down and smiled at her, cupping her cheeks.

“It’s alright. I’ll be okay.” I said, wiping away her tears.

She shook her head and continued to cry.

“Don’t cry. Look at you, so messed up.” I said.

She cried even harder.

“If you leave a scar here, you’re going to have bangs for the rest of your life.” I said, wiping the blood off the cut on her forehead.

“I’m sorry…” She cried.

“Shhh~ Didn’t I say to stop apologizing? It’s not your fault. You didn’t grab me to shield yourself. I did it on my own accord, and I’m very happy that you’re okay. It doesn’t matter whatever the outcome is, I’m just happy you’re safe.” I said, cleaning the cut for her.

I pasted a plaster on her forehead and combed her fringe with my fingers to cover it.

“Let’s go to the hospital now, okay?” She said.

I shook my head.

“WHY!?” She yelled.

“Shhh shhh~” I hushed her.

“We’ll go another day.” I said.

“WHAT ANOTHER DAY!?” She cried.

“We’ll go tomorrow, or the day after. Just… not today.” I said.

“But why!?” She whined like a kid.

“Because… I guess it’s human nature that we want to delay bad news.” I said.

She looked at me with teary eyes. I smiled at her, but I felt like crap inside. To say I am not afraid is a lie. I am afraid. It suddenly dawned onto me that I may die soon. I am really, really afraid.

Haneul’s POV

I am not a religious person, neither do I have a religion. I cannot say I don’t believe in God, but I was never one to pray or hope that God would make things better. When others pray, I always wonder to myself, does it really work? Why do people pray? Is it because if things don’t go their way, they would have someone to blame on?

But today I realized why people pray. It isn’t to put blame on others, neither is it a ‘must do’ thing or whatever. It is just to find a peace of mind at the most helpless time in your life. When you have no one to turn to, when you cannot find the inner peace in you to stay calm, when you cannot find the strength to go on, you pray, not for anything else but simply for hope.

You pray, for the slightest hope that someone out there would hear you and perhaps aid the change in your life. You pray, because you need to feel hopeful again. You know it may not work, but you still do it. I guess this is human nature. You just want hope, even if it’s the slightest ever, you just want hope.

I knelt down, clasping my palms together, staring out at the vast grassland. Never have I thought I would come here and do something like this. Usually when I am here, I would sit on the rock and stare out at the sky, occasionally I would smile when a group of animals walk pass. But today, I prayed.

I have never done it before so I don’t know how it actually works. I closed my eyes and for a moment, I went blank. What do I have to say? What is appropriate? Is there a standard opening statement? How do I address God? How do I say it in a way that He would hear me? Like a lost child, I didn’t know what to do.

‘Please let him be okay.’ I ended up reciting this in my head countless times.

I don’t know how long I did it for, but I stopped only when I managed to calm myself down. My legs had no feeling any more, but my heart felt better. I wiped the tears off my cheeks and stretched out my legs. I sighed and stared at the sky. I sighed again when I realize it was dark. I had to go back to prepare dinner, whether I wanted or not.

“See you later.” I whispered to the grassland.

Jace took me here three years ago. He said, here you can cry, you can laugh, you can do weird stuff, it’s alright, because here, there’s only you and me, and perhaps, the animals. They wouldn’t laugh at you, neither would they hurt you. But if you see a lion, please don’t think he’ll treat you like how Lion King would. Run for goodness sake.

So for three years, this place has been my secret retreat. Working as a volunteer may be a lot of fun, but there are hard times too. When things don’t go the way you thought it would, when people just don’t listen, when you get looked down on, when you get bossed about and stepped all over, then again, I guess this is how we all grow, don’t we? We need to get hurt in order to grow.

‘Cry, curse, complain, yell, its fine. Whatever happens, just don’t give up. Don’t give up on your life, don’t give up on yourself.’ Jace would tell me.

But Jace, where are you when I need you to reassure me? Jace, it isn’t about getting scolded or stepped on anymore. It’s something else. Someone got hurt because of me. I feel like a murderer. I cannot look at my team mates in the eyes. I feel like they are blaming me for whatever that is happening. But Jace, aren’t they right? And mostly importantly, Jace, it's him. It's Junhyung.

If you were here, you wouldn’t tell me that it’s alright, would you? You would definitely say something like ‘I TOLD YOU TO CONTROL THAT TEMPER OF YOURS! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO LEARN!?’ You say the harshest things, things no one would say in times like this, but you’re always right. You always push me back into reality and force me to face it instead of shielding me from it. And then after yelling, you’ll hug me and say ‘But whatever is done is done, it’s okay. I’m here.’

I guess in life we all need a friend that does something like that.

***

As I approached the kitchen area, I saw six figures, back facing me, shouting and laughing.

“YOSEOB! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO WATCH THE FIRE AND NOT JUST EAT!” Doojoon shouted.

“I’M WATCHING!” Yoseob yelled back, staring at the fire.

“Yah! Pabo! You want to burn your eyes is it!?” Junhyung shouted, covering his eyes and pulling him back.

They continued to yell at each other, calling each other fools as they cooked.

“SALT!! HYUNSEUNG!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? OH MY GOSH IT’S SUGAR!! YAH! WE’RE NOT MAKING DESSERT!!” Kikwang scolded.

“Noona?” Dongwoon called out when our eyes met.

“Hi.” I mumbled.

“Try this!” Junhyung said, shoving a bit of the bun into my mouth.

“How is it?” He asked.

“Nice.” I said.

“I MADE IT!!!” He cheered happily.

“Yah! How can you take all the credit!? You just dusted the flour!” Dongwoon complained.

“DO YOU KNOW HOW TOUGH IT IS TO DUST THE FLOUR! IF NOT BECAUSE OF THE FLOUR, THERE WOULD BE NO BUN!” Junhyung reasoned.

“I WAS THE ONE WHO CARRIED THE FLOUR FROM THERE TO HERE!” Kikwang said.

“This is the least your muscles can do.” Doojoon laughed.

“You don’t laugh! You were just bossing us around!” Hyunseung said.

“I was supervising for goodness!” Doojoon said.

“I WAS THE ONE WHO WATCH THE FIRE!!!” Yoseob claimed credit as well.

They continued to argue with each other, all wanting to claim credit.

“Alright alright alright!! SHHH!! We made it, okay? We made it.” Doojoon said, calming them down.

“Sounds good.” Junhyung smiled.

They nodded and agreed. I turned and walked off, smiling to myself, envying their friendship.

“Haneul ah! Where are you going!?” I heard Kikwang shout.

“Haneul!!” Junhyung called out.

I shoved my hands in my pocket and walked on. I went back to my hut and lied down on my mattress.

“Duckie, if something happens to your idol, would you hate me too?” I asked the Donald Duck.

It stared back at me.

“I would hate myself so much.” I mumbled, hugging it close to my chest.

For the next few hours, I tried to sleep, in hope that time would pass faster if I just slept. But it didn’t work. My body forced me to stay awake. My body is behaving like how Jace would. It wouldn’t let me slip into fantasy. It wants me to face reality.

“Are you in there?” I heard a voice call out.

I sat up. I wanted to open my mouth to say something, but I was cut off before I could.

“I can’t knock on this door, it’ll fall and I don’t know how to fix it. So, can I come in?” The voice called again.

“Please~” He mumbled.

I got up and went to the door. I pushed it open and was greeted by a really cute sight.

Doojoon grabbed Junhyung’s finger and made him poked his own cheek, doing aegyo.

“Haa~” I laughed dryly.

“It’s not really the laughter I thought I would hear, BUT I TOLD YOU IT’LL WORK! SEE! SHE LIKES AEGYO!” Doojoon said really loudly.

“Okay, your job is done. Now, go.” Junhyung said, pushing Doojoon away slightly.

“What kind of friend is this!? WHAT!?” Doojoon shouted as he walked back to their hut.

“Can I come in?” Junhyung asked.

I moved to let him in.

“You have not eaten.” He said.

I looked down, nodding slightly.

“Let’s eat then.” He said, pulling open the towel used to cover the basket he was holding, revealing a loaf of green bread.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“It’s Seungho hyung.” He whispered.

“What?” I laughed.

“Shh~ Come, I’ll show you.” He whispered, gesturing me to squat down.

He took the loaf of bread out and placed it on the towel. He sliced it gently with the bread knife. I gasped when I saw the inside of the bread. It was indeed Seungho, not literally thou. It was panda bread.

I covered my mouth to muffle my laughter.

“I told you it’s Seungho hyung.” He continued whispering as he cut up the bread.

Every piece had the panda design on it.

“Try it. I removed his fats, so he should be low fat now.” He said, handing me a slice.

“How can I eat Seungho???” I laughed, looking at the bread.

“Stop laughing!” He slapped my arm lightly.

I ate the sides of the bread, avoiding the panda.

“Yah! It took me a long time to make this, eat it properly!” He laughed, taking a huge bite of his slice, leaving the panda faceless.

“Ouchhhhhhh~” I whined.

“Nom nom nom nom nom~” He shoved the whole piece of bread into his mouth.

“Ahh ahhh ahhhh aghhhhh~~~” He fell backwards, holding his throat.

My eyes widened at his sudden one man show.

“Seungho.. hyung… Attacking.. me..” He choked.

“Where where!? What do I do!?” I played along.

He pointed to the piece in my hand. I tried to take a bite but I really couldn’t bear to eat it.

“Eat…. Quick….. Ughhhhh…. Choking…” He whined.

I laughed and ate the bread.

“Wah~ I’m fine now.” He sat up, wiping off the sweat on his forehead that doesn’t exist.

We spent the night eating ‘Seungho’ and just fooling around. No one apologized or mentioned about the results.

“Your girlfriend misses you!” He said to the Duckie.

“What?” He said, pressing the Duckie close to his ear.

“Ahhh~ I know I know. It’s not your fault. It’s alright, I brought your girlfriend here too. You’ll get to see her soon yea.” He said.

“Ahhh shh shhh~ Don’t cry.” He pat the Duckie’s chest.

“Crazy.” I mumbled, laughing slightly.

“Have always been.” He said.

It was comfortable silence between us after playing for quite awhile. I tore out the panda from the bread, forcing him to eat the sides.

“If Seungho sees this, he’ll think we have something against him.” I said, laughing at the bread.

“Yea, I thought so too. The other time we made Seungho sushi for you, this time, I made Seungho bread. Hyung’s gonna hate me.” He pretended to cry.

“How did you make this?” I asked.

“Well, I am a genius.” He said.

“No~ You’re the Joker.” I said.

“Actually, I’m just Junhyung. Yong Junhyung.” He said.

I looked up at him. We stared into each other’s eyes for a few minutes.

“You’re right. You’re just Junhyung.” I said.

“It’s getting late. I should go back.” He said.

I nodded.

He took the basket and bread knife with him as he headed for the door.

“I spent a lot of time on that. Finish it, okay?” He said.

“What if Seungho starts to attack me?” I asked.

“Then just shout for me, I’ll come with this!” He said, raising the bread knife in front of my face.

I had to admit I was shocked.

“Did I scare you? Sorry.” He laughed.

“Thank you, I’ll eat well.” I said.

“You better.” He warned.

“Sleep well.” I said.

“You too. You’ll.. be with me tomorrow, right?” He asked.

“Huh?” I looked at him, confused.

“Hospital. You don’t intend to be there with me?” He asked, pouting slightly.

“I thought you said…” I mumbled.

“I changed my mind.” He said.

“I’ll be there with you.” I said.

“Then I have nothing to be afraid of. Good night.” He touched my cheek before leaving.

***

The next morning, the boys wanted to follow, but Junhyung stopped them. So it was again, just me and him. This time, he drove. I let him, because I wasn’t in any mood to drive, honestly.

We sat outside the waiting room, waiting for his turn.

“Haneul ah,” He called out.

“Yea?” I answered.

“Haneul ah, if I’m okay…” He looked down.

I bit my lips to prevent myself from bawling my eyes out.

“If I am okay, can you promise me something?” He asked.

“What?” I mumbled.

“I want to ask you three questions, could you promise you’ll answer me?” He asked.

What a weird request.

“Why? I can answer them now.” I said.

“No no.. Not now. Later. When I am okay.” He said.

I looked at him, not sure of what to say. His pleading eyes were my soft spot.

“Mr Yong Junhyung.” The nurse called out.

“Please?” He begged.

“Sure.” I nodded.

“That’s good. Thank you.” He smiled.

Junhyung’s POV

I turned and walked off in the nurse’s direction. The route to the doctor’s room wasn’t that long, just as long as a corridor, but it felt like a marathon. My steps were as heavy as my heart was. I thought my heart would go crazy beating, but instead, it was so calm I got scared. Was my heart even beating?

I’m scared, I really am.

“Junhyung!” I felt a body crash into my back, hugging me tight.

“Please… Promise me.. Please be okay.” Haneul cried.

I looked down. For the first time since that very day, my tears flowed.

“Haneul ah~” I cried.

“Please… Please promise me nothing will happen. Please promise me you’ll be okay. Please..” She cried.

I wanted to say ‘Yes, I promise you.’, but I didn’t want to break my promise to her anymore. What if?

I held onto her hand and turned around to face her. She looked up at me, sniffing like a kid who dropped her ice cream trying to ask for another one.

I shook my head, and her hopeful face fell.

“Why?” She asked, pouting and puffing her cheeks at the same time, trying to stop her flowing tears, perhaps? But it clearly wasn’t working.

“Because I don’t want to disappoint you.” I said, wiping her tears with my thumb.

“But I can promise you something else.” I said.

She looked at me.

“I promise you, whatever the results will be, I’ll live. For much time as I have left, for as many times my heart can beat, I’ll keep going and going. Even if it’s tiring, even if it hurts, I’ll keep going. I wouldn’t do anything foolish to shorten my life.” I said.

“I don’t want that. I want you to live forever.” She cried into my chest.

“Silly, then I’ll have to be a vampire for that to happen.” I laughed.

“Then be a vampire.” She said.

“Then if I am a vampire, would you be my Bella?” I asked.

“I don’t like Twilight.” She pouted.

“You liked it last time.” I said.

“I did, but come to think of it, it’s weird. I like something else now.” She said.

“Ever changing~” I poked her cheek.

“Then how about this? Hmm.. Would you be my Isabella?” I asked.

“You read my book.” She said.

“I did.” I smiled.

“Then you should know Clary is the female lead.” She said.

“But the thing is, the vampire is Simon. Simon and Clary are just really close friends. He was with Isabella.” I said.

“Simon is a player. He was with Maia at the same time.” She mumbled.

“Oh, you’re right. Ahhh this is tough. Forget it. Just… be my Haneul?” I asked.

She looked down.

“I don’t really enjoy rainy days when I am outdoors. So please stop raining on me. I’m drenched already.” I said, wiping away her tears.

She chuckled slightly.

“Yay! The sun is out! Little Junhyung can go out to play!” I cheered.

She laughed and slapped my chest weakly.

“Wait for me?” I asked.

She nodded.

“I’m going in.” I said.

“Hang on, no matter what happens.” She said.

“Of course.” I smiled as I headed into the room.

The doctor smiled at me. I looked at the four empty syringe on the table. My heart sank. I could already feel the pain even before the needle poke into me.

“Ready?” He asked.

“Always.” I mumbled, stretching my arm out.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt the needle poke into my skin. It's hurts, damn it.

Whoever invented blood tests, good on you. Aish~

Since the rain is falling, I think I might fall as well~

***
'Seungho' Bread ><

Junnie's forced aegyo ^^

And how Junnie is really feeling :(