Haneul’s POV

I slapped myself inwardly. What the hell am I saying!?

“Junroro, I…” I couldn’t think of anything to say.

“I am just your boyfriend, and that’s about it.” He said with a forced smile.

“No no no. It’s not like that.” I tried to save myself.

“I get it. I’m sorry.” He mumbled.

“No, Junhyung! Please. No. I am sorry. I don’t mean it! I… I don’t know what was going through my head. I think I am all stressed up so I am blabbering nonsense. Please.” I pleaded.

“Haneul, you mean every word you say.” He said.

“No I don’t! Who are you to tell me what I mean!? No! I mean… I don’t mean it! You’re not just my boyfriend! You’re more than that! Please! I wasn’t thinking! I am sorry!” I apologized, tugging onto his hand.

“Exactly because you weren’t thinking, you said whatever that was in your heart; the truth. But it is okay, Haneul. It’s really okay.” He smiled.

“I have something to do. I’ll be leaving first.” He mumbled, pushing my hand away slightly.

“No, please! Junroro, don’t go! I already lost them! I can’t lose you!” I cried.

He shook his head and smiled.

“Don’t cry, silly. Who says you’re losing me? I will always be here. As your boyfriend, right?” He kissed me on my forehead before touching my cheek lightly.

He opened the door and walked out. I was literally trying to pull him back, but he kept walking.

“Oh.” He suddenly stopped.

“Just in case you are interested in knowing, I got my medical report yesterday. I actually called you to ask if you were interested in going with me, but you never answered, so I went on my own. Anyway, it’s negative, but the doctor still asked me to go for regular checkups.” He smiled, but his eyes were teary.

“Just thought of sharing it with you, since you’re my girlfriend.” He muttered.

I stood in the middle of the corridor, watching him walk off. I actually totally forgot about his doctor appointment. How miserable must he have felt waiting alone in the hospital for the result. I did not even return his call. He didn’t even blame me for it, and today, I even said such hurting words to him.

When I snapped out of it, I ran out, just in time to hear his car drive away.

“What happened?” Ahjumma asked, frowning at me. Ji Eun and Tae Hyun were pouting. Jace just stared at me.

I squat down, bawling my eyes out into my palms.

“It’s okay~” Jace pulled me into his embrace.

“It’s not okay, Jace! It’s not! I hurt him because I was upset!” I cried.

“It’s alright. You didn’t mean it. You’re tired and stressed up, we all understand. It’s okay.” He coaxed me.

“Umma~” Ji Eun and Tae Hyun squatted in front of me, pouting.

I pulled them into a tight embrace, sobbing hard.

How did I even manage to tell Junhyung that I would be giving them up with such a straight face? How did I even allow myself to come to such a decision? I did not have appetite for dinner. How could I eat after hurting Junhyung like that? How could I eat knowing that the two sunshine of my life would be leaving me?

I found myself walking to the bookstore. It has been long since I came here. It was closed. But I couldn’t help but wonder if Junhyung is inside? Just as I was about to open the door, I saw something like a bouquet in the trash can. I pulled it out and I was right. It was indeed a bouquet. They were red roses. I counted, there were twenty of them.

I pulled out the card that was stuck in between the roses and read it.

‘Twenty roses mean ‘I am sincere towards you’. At times like this, please don’t push Junroro away. Junroro wants to be with Lionny to overcome everything. Can you see Junroro’s sincere heart? Please let me be with you!’

“Junroro…” I mumbled, hurrying to open the lock to the bookstore.

I stopped when I heard shuffling coming from behind. I walked to the back and saw a figure squatting against the wall with a few empty coke cans stacked up high beside him. In his hand held onto can of coke, but instead of drinking, he was pouring it on top of the stacked up empty cans, letting the drink flow down like some sort of waterfall.

After the can in his hand emptied, he reached out for other can, but this time he drank it. How many cans of coke did he actually buy? I stood there, watching him play with the cans of coke, rearranging them to make different shapes or whatever he desired.

He suddenly pushed the empty cans roughly, letting them clatter against each other as they fell.

“Are you done watching?” He asked in a hoarse voice as he turned to glare hard at me.

He stood up, but leaned forward a little as his knees gave way from the long squatting. He massaged them a little before walking, or rather, dragging his legs towards me. I held out my hand to hold him, but he smacked my hand away.

“If you’re done watching, go home.” He mumbled, not even looking at me.

“Junroro, I am sorry.” I said.

He looked at me in the eye. There wasn’t anger, but instead a whole lot of disappointment and sadness.

“Who said you could pick up the things I threw?” He glared at the bouquet of flowers in my hand.

“It’s for me, isn’t it?” I said.

“Not anymore.” He roughly snatched the bouquet from me, throwing it hard against the wall.

I flinched a little at his temper. My heart cringing as I watch the bouquet fall lifelessly to the ground, some petals falling out because of the impact. I was upset, not because the flowers were gone, but because it was something for me, and yet he threw it away so easily.

“Why did you do that!?” I yelled, despite knowing I was in no position to even make a sound.

“Why? Does it hurt you?” He asked with a hint of mockery in his voice.

“Of course! It was for me! How could you just throw it away like that!?” I shouted, pushing him.

He stumbled a little backwards but managed to hold himself up.

“It hurts, doesn’t it? Just like how I try to be with you yet you keep locking me outside. I gave you my heart, but you easily threw it away just because of your own anger.” He said.

“I said I am sorry! I didn’t mean it!” I pleaded.

“JUST STOP APOLOGIZING! Until you really mean it.” He mumbled the last part.

“This isn’t the first time, Haneul. It isn’t the first time you hurt me like this. I keep telling myself it’s okay, it’s fine, she’s just upset, it’ll pass, she’ll see my effort. How many times have I tried to call you? How many times have I texted you? Why didn’t you reply any of my calls or messages!? Do you know how useless I felt!?” He shouted into my face.

“You were the one who explained the marriage vows to me, but why are you eating back on your own words!? Why is it whenever there is a problem, you have to make me feel so useless by not allowing me to be with you!? Is it because I am different from other man, like Jace or whoever, that’s why you think I can’t do enough for you!?” He yelled, tears staining his cheeks.

“Is it because I am different, you think I am not strong enough to be able to handle your problems as well as mine? Am I not trustworthy enough for you? Am I not man enough for you? I know, I know, I have a freaking period, but that doesn’t change me! I am still a man! I am just different, but I am still a man! Why do you always have to make me feel so inferior about myself!? Anyone else can make me feel bad, but not you! Because I trusted you! I handed you my heart and trusted you to love it well, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO CRUSH ME AND MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD!?” He grabbed his hair as he yelled.

I studied his face, he looked so tired.

“I know you’re tough, I know you’re strong. But I don’t want to be the one always relaying on you! I have a period but it doesn’t make me a woman! I am not saying woman should be weak, but I want to be strong for you! I am strong! My shoulders and chest are tough enough to hold you! Why do you keep refusing to come into my embrace whenever my arms are open wide!? They are only opened for you!” He cried.

“I want to be the one for you, not only in happiness but also in sorrow. I want to be the one you’ll talk to whenever something happens. I want to be the one who will shield you whenever there is danger. I want to be the one who will laugh and smile with you whenever happiness is involve. I am willing to do all that, just for you. My body may be physically weaker than Jace, but that’s not something I can control, maybe I could. But my mental and will is definitely stronger, or maybe, as strong. Please, see me as a man. I beg you, Haneul. Please.” He fell to his knees, face buried in his palms.

“I don’t mean to hurt you. It’s just, I did not want to inflict other problems on your already hectic schedule.” I said softly, pulling his hands away from his face.

“And so you seek comfort from other people? I know I am just your boyfriend, but to me you’re more than a girlfriend. You’re my life, you’re everything I want to protect.” He said.

“You’re not just a boyfriend. I am so sorry about that. Junroro, I am sorry. Please, just forget what I said just now.” I said.

“I know I may not be a good enough figure as Tae Hyun and Ji Eun’s appa, but I really treat them like they are mine. I am planning on adopting them. I am not doing it because you want to, but because I really love those two. It hurts me as much as it hurts you the fact they have to be taken away, do you know?” He cried.

“I know, I know.” I hugged him tight.

We sat against the wall, holding onto each other.

“Please don’t say such things to me anymore. It’s so ing painful. It makes me feel so bad and so weak. Truthfully, without you I am nothing, and I know you can do well without me, but I wish, just for a second, that you needed me.” He said.

“You’re not weak. You’re the strongest man I’ve ever met. But I am scared. I am scared that my strong baby would collapse if I keep throwing my own problems onto his already heavy shoulder. I am sorry. I never knew my actions were so hurting to you.” I whispered.

“My body may collapse, but my soul would never fall, unless you throw me away.” He mumbled.

I shook my head, looking up at him.

“You can fall completely, in front of me.” I said, caressing his tear stained cheek.

“NO!!!! I AM NOT WEAK!!!!” He yelled, pouting.

“Okay okay! You cannot fall! You can never ever fall! You have to stand strong and straight!” I slapped his chest.

He let out a soft chuckle.

“Aie, see what have you done to the poor flowers?” I walked over to the abandon bouquet, picking it up.

He looked at me with his bottom lip stuck out.

“I’ll buy you another one.” He said.

“Nope. This is just fine.” I said, hugging the bouquet.

“It’s dirty.” He mumbled.

“Even if it’s filled in mud, I’ll still hug it like that. Because it’s from you, it would be precious even if it’s dirtied.” I held out my hand to pull him up.

We walked with hands intertwined back to the bookstore.

“Sleepy?” I asked, cupping his face.

“Yea, but my mind is wide awake.” He said.

“How many cans of coke did you drink?” I asked.

“Sixteen or something.” He mumbled.

“WHAT!?” I yelled.

“At least it’s not alcohol.” He said.

“True.” I smiled.

“Where’s your medical report? Can I see it?” I asked.

“In my bag. It’s in the car.” He mumbled.

“Ouh. Later then. Sorry for not being there for you yesterday. You must have been so scared, right?” I asked, lying on his lap.

“It’s fine.” He said.

“Let’s go look for that woman.” I said.

“What woman?” He asked.

“Their mother. Let’s go look for her, and try to talk things out, hopefully we don’t have to settle it in court.” I said.

“When are you going?” He asked.

“When are you free?” I asked.

“What has it got to do with me?” He asked.

“Of course! You’re their Appa!” I slapped his stomach.

“Owww… But I thought… Alright hee.. I am free anytime just for them. How about now?” He asked.

“Good idea! We can stop by some costume shop and buy things like ghost masks, then we head over to her house to scare her.” I said.

“That’s a marvelous idea~ Let’s go now.” He laughed, standing up, causing me to almost fall flat onto the floor.

“HEY!!!” I grabbed onto his waist tight.

“Oh sorry hahahaha~” He pulled me closer to him.

His eyes were not visible anymore. He couldn’t stop laughing and blabbering. He is definitely high on coke.