Haneul’s POV

“Ahhh Lionny… It hurts…” Junhyung circled his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

“Then why are you up?” I asked, turning over to face him.

He looked tired, pale and in pain. Poor fellow.

“Because I couldn’t sleep without you.” He pouted.

“If I sleep with you, then who is going to clean up this place?” I asked, looking around our messy mansion.

We moved in a few days ago and are still in the midst of unpacking. But last night his period decide to come and torture him. He was awake for the whole night, groaning in pain. He moved to the sofa in the living room so as not to wake me up, but I was not asleep too. How can I sleep with him in pain?

“It’ll be done on its own.” He grinned.

“Oh, now you’re Yong Potter?” I asked.

“Shhh.. It’s my little secret.” He whispered.

He pulled out a long chopstick from the counter and whipped it around. I laughed helplessly at his ridiculous attempt.

“Stop it!” I laughed.

“Your wand is not even working!!” I pulled the chopstick away from him.

“My wand!” He pouted pitifully.

“Come on. Go to bed.” I said, tugging him along.

“I can’t sleep on the bed. It’s so warm.” He said.

“I know. I just set up the hammock. Sleep there, okay?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“Then what do you want, big baby?” I asked.

“Sleep with me.” He smiled.

“I can’t, Junroro. You want Tae Hyun and Ji Eun to come to a neat home, right? Not with boxes all over, right? And besides, I have the gynae’s appointment later on.” I said.

“Oh right, gynae’s appointment.” He said.

“Exactly. So, go on and rest.” I pushed him towards the hammock.

I went back to the kitchen to continue unpacking.

“LIONNY!!!” He shouted suddenly, startling me.

“WHAT!? WHAT!?” I ran out.

“Should we put this here or there?” He asked, holding up two figurines.

“What are you doing? Why aren’t you asleep?” I asked, looking at all the open boxes around him.

Instead of sleeping, he had been unpacking.

“Unpacking, isn’t it obvious?” He said.

“But… I thought I asked you to sleep?” I asked.

“You rather I let you do everything on your own hmm?” He said, standing up.

“I wouldn’t let that happen if you aren’t unwell.” I said, taking the figurines from him.

“I wouldn’t let that happen too.” He smiled.

“Oh it’s almost 4PM! Go and shower! What time is the doctor’s appointment again? 5PM, is it?” He asked.

“Yes. Relax.” I laughed.

“I’ll shower downstairs.” He said.

“Shower? For what? I mean.. why now?” I asked.

“Aren’t we going together?” He asked.

“Together? No. I’m going alone, while you, rest there.” I pointed to the hammock.

“You’re not allowing me to go see my child?” He asked, showing me a hurt look.

“I… Aren’t you in pain!? Huh? Why are you moving around so much?” I asked.

“I am in pain, but it’s all fine now!” He skipped to the toilet.

“Yah!! Junroro!!” I yelled, but he obviously did not hear me.

***

We arrived at the clinic and despite his smile, I could tell he was not feeling that good after all.

“Use this.” I said, slipping a heat pack under his shirt.

“Where did you get this from?” He asked, surprised.

“From home, duh~” I said.

“I mean.. why would you bring it?” He asked.

“Do you think you can lie to me huh?” I said.

“Lie?” He looked at me.

“It’s killing you, yet you refuse to rest.” I pouted, rubbing his stomach lightly.

“Aiee~ What is this slight pain compared to yours?” He said.

“That’s true.” I smiled.

“Yah~ Are you going to stop massaging me?” He pouted.

“Of course not. Hee..” I let him rest against my shoulder while I massaged his stomach.

There were a few people around but we could not be bothered. He was dozing off on my shoulder when the nurse at the reception called out my name.

“Yong Haneul..” She called out.

I looked at her.

“Yong Haneul?” She asked.

“Yes. Just.. A minute yea.” I said, patting Junhyung’s cheek lightly.

“Junroro.” I called.

“Mmm..” He snuggled deeper into my neck.

The nurse giggled, not so discreetly.

“Junroro~ Wake up. It’s my turn.” I hissed, shaking him.

“Okay~” He mumbled, but continued to sleep.

“Junroro~” I shook him harder.

“Wakey please~” I tried again.

“Aish~ Don’t blame me huh.” I mumbled, pinching his side.

He yelped and shot up.

“What was that? Something pinched me. Was it you?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Why?” He looked sad.

“I called you many times but you kept sleeping. We have to go.” I said.

“Go where?” He asked.

I gestured to the nurse who was standing at the door, grinning at us, or him, to be exact.

“Oh! Oh… Sorry, sorry.” He stood up and held onto my hand.

“Sorry.” He bowed to the nurse.

“It’s fine, Yong Junhyung sshi.” She smiled. Of course it is fine.

I shot her a glare before walking into the room.

“Hi, Haneul~ Hi, Junhyung~” The gynae greeted.

“Hi.” We smiled as we settled down.

“How have you been?” She asked.

“Fine, I guess.” I smiled.

“You’re looking fine too. One of the very few moms-to-be with no problems at all.” She said, gesturing me over to the other side.

“Don’t jinx it please. I don’t want to start puking later.” I laughed.

“Opps~” She covered .

“Is he okay?” She asked, gesturing Junhyung.

Junhyung was sitting beside me, grinning at the blank monitor.

“Not feeling too well today.” I said, poking his cheek.

He looked up and smiled.

“It’s okay, he’ll be well in a few minutes.” The doctor laughed.

She did a routine check on the baby. Junhyung’s face was glued to the screen, his finger poking the screen and speaking gibberish.

The doctor and I giggled as watch Junhyung entertain himself.

“Junhyung sshi~” The gynae called out.

“Yes?” Junhyung looked up, smiling.

“Why are you talking to your baby’s feet? The head is here.” She pointed, trying to suppress her laughter.

“Huh? Oh!” Junhyung’s cheeks redden while we laughed at his mistake.

“The baby’s good?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Want to know the gender?” She asked suddenly.

“Gender?” I looked at her, and then at Junhyung.

“Do you want to know?” I asked Junhyung.

His smile has faded and he looked pretty unsure.

“You?” He asked.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Then erm… Anything is fine.” He said.

“Really?” I asked.

He nodded. But everything is not fine, it is written on his face.

“So, would you like to know?” The gynae asked.

“Sure.” Junhyung said with a forced smile.

“It’s a boy.” She smiled.

“Really?” I laughed.

She nodded and smiled.

I turned to Junhyung who seem like he was in shock.

“Junroro..” I poked him lightly.

He looked up and smiled.

“Our baby boy~” He said.

The gynae told us a few more things, set the date for the next appointment, and then we left.

“Are you okay?” I asked Junhyung when we were in the car.

He nodded.

“You cannot lie to me, you know it, don’t you?” I said.

He looked at me, and then out of the window. It was his way of saying ‘let’s talk later’.

“Hungry? Let’s go for dinner?” I asked.

He nodded.

We went for dinner and headed back home to continue unpacking.

“Junroro.. Do you still want this?” I asked, pulling out stuff from the box.

No response.

“Junroro~” I called out again.

No response.

“Junroro! Tsk!” I raised my voice.

I turned back to find him asleep on the sofa. I went closer to him, leaning against the sofa, watching him sleep.

“Is everything okay? Hmm?” I asked, pushing his fringe away.

“Sleep well.” I whispered, kissing his cheek.

I continued to unpack stuff around the house.

“No… Please… I’m sorry!” I heard a voice cry out.

I looked around, finding the source of the voice.

“No!!!” I heard the voice yell again.

“Isn’t this a new mansion? Why so spooky?” I mumbled to myself.

“Please!! I’m sorry!” The voice cried.

“Junhyung?” I asked myself.

I hurried down the stairs.

“Junroro!” I saw him tossing and turning on the sofa.

“NO!! PLEASE!! I’M SO SORRY!!” He yelled, sitting up, drenched in sweat.

“Why are you sorry? What’s wrong? You dreamt of something bad?” I asked, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“I…” He looked at me.

“You what? What’s wrong? Come on, I’m not stupid. You’re like an open book. I know something is wrong, I’m just waiting for you to tell me. I don’t want to force things out of you, but… You’re scaring me, love.” I said, pulling him closer to me.

His body was sticky with perspiration.

“Just…” He mumbled.

“Go and take a shower, I’ll see you in bed. Go on.” I said, pulling him up.

He nodded obediently and did as told. I cleaned up some stuff before heading to shower too. When I got upstairs, he was already sitting on the bed, looking upset.

“So, can you tell me what is wrong now?” I asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at him.

He sighed and fall backwards, banging his head against the headboard.

“OUCH!” He yelled.

“Hahahaha are you okay!?” I crawled over to him, rubbing the back of his head.

“Who installed the headboard there!?” He pouted.

“Hahaha you?” I said, laughing at the child in him.

He did not say anything. He stretched out his arm, allowing me to lie in his embrace.

“So? What’s wrong?” I asked.

“The baby… is a boy.” He said, caressing my baby bump.

“Why? You don’t want a boy?” I asked, looking at him.

“Of course not! Boy or girl, still my baby.” He said.

“Just that…” He bit his lower lip.

I think I got it already.

“What if he has the same problem as me?” He said, looking at me, confirming my guess.

“He wouldn’t, silly. And even if he does, then… I guess… We’ll help him.” I said.

“But I don’t want the same to happen to him! I… I know how painful and terrible it is! I don’t want my child to go through the same thing I go through! Do you understand!? I want my child to feel normal. I don’t want him to feel like he is a freak like his daddy!” He shouted, biting down onto his lips hard, his eyes filled with tears.

I looked at him, speechless. I did not know what to say or how to console him. I could not tell him that it would not happen because who knows? But I understood where he is coming from.

“Junroro~” I squeezed his thigh lightly.

“I know it has been many years and I ought to feel normal about it, but I don’t. I still don’t! I doubt I ever would! I feel like a freak each time my period comes! I feel as thou everyone is staring at me, pitying me, and mocking me! I.. I know it is not true! But I cannot help it! I am really happy we have a son, you know? But… the thought of him having to go through the same thing as me. I cannot accept it. I don’t want it to happen to him. I want whatever freakishness in me to stay with me!” He cried.

“You’re normal, how many times do I have to repeat myself?” I asked, cupping his cheek.

“YOU KNOW I AM NOT NORMAL!!!” He shouted into my face, pushing my hands away.

“You know I am not and will never be!” He said angrily.

“But I still love you!” I raised my voice.

“I know you do! And I know you’ve done more than you could for me. You are very understanding too, so is everyone else. But Lionny, you’re not me, you’ll never understand, emotionally! I would never be able to live with it if our son ends up like me! It’ll be my fault that he ends up in the same pathetic state his father is in! The guilt… I’ll never be able to deal with it. I just want him to have a normal life, like a… like how a man should be. Not like me… Having to deal with monthly periods and all those torturous symptoms that come with it like a ing package deal!” He yelled, punching his fist into our new wall.

“So what are you suggesting? You want me to go abort the baby? And then we’ll just keep aborting any boys that come our way until we get a girl? Is that what you want?” I asked.

I should not be flaring up at him, but I could not control myself.

“I…” He looked at me.

“Stop trying to predict the future, would you? Our son is not even born and you’re already thinking of what would happen sixteen or eighteen years down the road. So what if he really has a period like you? We’ll explain stuff to him and help him along the way!” I yelled at him.

“You don’t get me, don’t you!? I’m not normal! I want our son to be normal! Not like me!” He shouted.

“I SAY YOU’RE NORMAL AND THAT MEANS YOU’RE NORMAL!” I squashed his cheeks, not allowing him to speak.

“And stop saying just because I am not you I don’t understand. I get it, okay? I get it that I would not understand you fully no matter how hard I try! Stop rubbing it into my face! I wish I could be you for a day so I know exactly how painful and torturous whatever you are going through is! You don’t know how much I wish that would happen! Stop saying I don’t understand because I am ing trying!” I shouted.

He tried to say something, but I squeezed his cheeks harder, causing him to yelp in pain.

“Stop all the pointless guilt and instead think of how you can be a good father to your baby, Tae Hyun and Ji Eun! Do you think lying here and sulking all day will change a freaking thing!? Unless you are suggesting we should abort the baby, DO NOT EVER THINK YOU’LL LAND HIM IN WHATEVER PATHETIC STATE YOU THINK YOU ARE IN! YOU’RE NOT PATHETIC!” I yelled.

“And who said a man must be like how they all say they are? Just because you have a does not make you a man, likewise just because you have a period does not make you not a man.” I said, letting go of his cheeks.

He looked at me like a boy who just got scolding. Well, technically, he is still a boy and he just got a scolding from me, so yea.

“One more time you make me have this conversation with you, I’ll stab you.” I stared at him.

“I… I am just.. really afraid.” He said, looking down.

“I dreamt that… Our son.. He found out that he has a period too. He freaked out, and.. when I told him it was okay because I am the same… He glared hard at me and said mean words.” He sat on the bed, looking down.

“You… didn’t tell me.” I mumbled, feeling guilty.

“You didn’t give me a chance.” He said, looking at me.

My fingerprints were imprinted on both side of his cheeks. How much strength did I exactly use?

“What did he say?” I asked.

He looked away.

“Tell me!” I smacked him, flaring up again.

He looked at me with a frown.

“Sorry.” I apologized.

“Tell me, please.” I sat down beside him, holding his hand.

“He said… Why am I his father and not someone else who is normal?” Junhyung said softly.

“He wouldn’t. Your son wouldn’t.” I hugged him, caressing his back lightly.

“I apologized to him, but he wanted to leave. I begged him to stay, but he kicked me away. Before he left, he said if I knew he was going to be the same as me, why did I still allow him to be born? Why am I so irresponsible? Why did I ruin his life?” He sobbed into my shoulder.

“Why are all your dreams so haunting? Shhh.. It wouldn’t happen. I am very sure your son would not be such a jerk. If he says such things to you, I’ll chase him with a broom and whack some sense into him.” I said.

“And Tae Hyun and Ji Eun…. They don’t even know what kind of a freak.. weird man.. I am. What if they know and hate me for it? What if they decide they cannot accept a father like me and leave? Lionny, what if it happens?” He cried louder.

“They wouldn’t be such idiots! Those two love you so much to even be bothered to care about what is wrong or what is right with you? And if they dare say hurting stuff to you, I’ll chase them with a broom and whack sense into them too.” I said.

“Don’t…” He said, giggling a little.

“You’re not weird, okay? You’re just .” I .

He looked at me, pouting.

“Does your cheeks hurt?” I asked, cupping his cheeks.

He nodded. I kissed him on both side of his cheeks.

“Better?” I asked.

“Not quite yet. Kiss again.” He said, sticking his cheek out.

I was about to kiss him when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. Like I got kicked.

“Ouch.” I held onto my stomach.

“WHAT’S WRONG!? IS SOMETHING WRONG!?” He panicked.

“I… Oww..” I looked up at him.

“What? What!?” He looked at me worriedly.

I grabbed his hand and put it on my belly.

“Do you feel it?” I asked, looking at him.

He looked at me, confused, and then broke into a smile.

“Was that…. him kicking?” Junhyung asked.

I nodded, smiling at the amazing new feeling.

“Oh my god.” He laughed, pressing his ear against my belly.

“Why? You want him to kick your face so much?” I laughed.

“Maybe he would kiss me.” He said.

“Silly!” I laughed.

“Kick again, baby ah~” Junhyung said.

“Yah! It’s amazing, but it hurts too, you know.” I poked him.

“It hurts?” He looked at me.

“I guess he kicked quite hard for the first time.” I said, rubbing my belly.

“Why did you kick so hard hmm? Naughty baby.” Junhyung ‘scolded’.

The baby kicked again.

“Yah~ Stop it!” I pushed Junhyung away, crawling back to bed.

He joined me, hugging my waist, resting his cheek on my belly, grinning like a fool.

“Our baby must be angry just now.” I said, playing with Junhyung’s hair.

“Why is he angry?” He looked at me.

“Your fault.” I said.

“My fault?” He asked.

“Ya! You accused him of things he would not do, of course he is angry.” I said.

“I…” He looked at my belly.

“Sorry, baby ah. Appa is just.. insecure, perhaps.” He mumbled.

“Yea, baby. Your appa is so insecure. When you come to this world, you gotta hug him very tightly so he would feel so secure and loved, understand?” I said.

“He said okay, but say you’re stupid.” I said.

“You mean you can hear him? Why don’t I hear anything?” He asked, pressing his ear against my belly.

Kikwang is not the pabo. Junhyung is. He just covered it up well.

“Of course I can hear him. He is in me, not you.” I said.

“It works this way?” He asked innocently.

I nodded.

“Oh.. But… Baby ah, talk to appa too.” He said to my belly.

“He said no.” I .

“Why?” He pouted.

“Because he said you’re stupid.” I said.

“I am not stupid, baby ah! How can you call your appa stupid?” He pouted.

“Junhyung ah, are you seriously that stupid or are you playing along with me?” I laughed.

“What? I am not playing.” He said.

“Oh no, you’re really that stupid.” I mumbled.

“I’m not stupid!” He pouted.

“Then how is it that you can be so clueless!? Did you not go to school? No.. Scratch that. Do you not have common sense!?” I looked at him.

“What!?” He asked.

“How can the baby talk while he is still in my womb!? Even if he does, do you seriously think I would be able to hear it!?” I asked.

“Why… not? But.. you said..” He looked at me innocently.

“I was just teasing you! I expected you to get it! But you… My goodness.” I laughed.

“Don’t laugh! Yah! I was so serious, okay!” He frowned.

“Alright, even if the baby can speak and I can hear, then how is it that the baby don’t know words anymore when he is born? If the baby can speak in the womb, he should be saying ‘Hello’ the moment he is born and not wail at the top of his voice, no?” I asked.

He thought for a while, and then realized his stupidity.

“Luckily you’re cute when dumb. Or else I would smack you.” I laughed, pulling him to lie down.

“I know all that, okay! I was just… confused, for a second!” He insisted.

“Your second is really long, then.” I .

“Stop it!” He pouted.

“Alright, alright. You’re very smart. Sleep.” I kissed his cheek.

“Good night, baby. Good night, Lionny.” He pulled me closer to him.

“Good night, dummy.” I snuggled my face into his neck.

“I’m not….” He whined, laughing.

He caressed my belly until he fell asleep, but even asleep, his hand was still resting on my belly.

I was awake all night, thinking over what he said. I raised his hand, massaging the bruise that was forming on his knuckles thanks to him punching the wall.

I guess he is right, no matter how much I try to understand what he is going through, the most I could understand would be how painful those periods are, but I would never be able to understand him emotionally.

“Baby ah, even if you are the same with your appa, you cannot blame or hate him because it is not something he can control and not something he would ever want to happen to you. You saw how upset and guilty he is feeling even thou you’re still not born yet, right? Your appa loves you so much, don’t ever hurt him, understand?” I said.

I got a kick in response. I assume it is an ‘okay’.

“Love you. We all do.” I smiled.

“And you too.” I pat Junhyung’s head lightly.

”Stop worrying pointlessly and making yourself so upset. You’ve become so dumb recently. See what being upset does to you? It makes you stupid, you know.” I poked his cheek.

He snuggled his face into the pillow.

“But even if you become really stupid, I’ll still love you.” I said.

“Good night.” I mumbled, falling asleep myself.

***

Junhyung: But Lionny, you’re not me, you’ll never understand, emotionally!

Haneul: “Alright, even if the baby can speak and I can hear, then how is it that the baby don’t know words anymore when he is born? If the baby can speak in the womb, he should be saying ‘Hello’ the moment he is born and not wail at the top of his voice, no?