Junhyung’s POV

It’s been two weeks since Haneul’s disappearance. Every night, the scene of me yelling those mean words at her kept me awake. I couldn’t sleep, neither could I eat. I had to know where she is. As long as she’s safe, I’m fine with it. But where is she? Not even a trace did she leave when she left.

I sat on the curb near the bookstore, clutching the Daisy Duck in my hand.

“In the past I hold onto your boyfriend, now it’s you. I’m so sorry, because of me, you had to be separated from your boyfriend too.” I said, caressing the toy’s head.

“You miss your boyfriend too, don’t you? Like how I miss my girl.” I mumbled.

I hugged my knees and waited. For the past two weeks, I have been coming here. Something inside me tells me that as long as I wait, she’ll come.

She would come back, would she? Like how she came back after I confessed to her. I’ll just have to be patient enough. As long as I am willing to wait, she’ll be able to sense my sincerity, would she? She would come back, I believe she would.

I don’t just sit there dumbly. As I waited, I thought of a lot of stuff. I thought of how to apologize to her. I thought of our future; my proposal to her, our wedding, our honeymoon, our home, our kids. I want to do all those things with her. I don’t know if I still have a chance to, but I would wait. To be honest, I have already thought of how to hold our wedding.

The sky got brighter as the time passed and I know it was morning already.

“Looks like we have to come back tonight.” I said to the toy, giving it a peck on its ribbon.

Haneul must have always been hugging the toy because it smelt like her. Haneul always has this sweet scent on her. I told her she never needed perfume, but she just laughed at me and walked off.

I went back to the company to continue my daily routine. Dance practice, song writing, dance practice, music making, dance practice and so on. As long as we didn’t have other schedules, it’s always the same routine.

I was concentrating on my lyrics when a knock on the door distracted me.

“Yea~” I called out loud enough for the person outside to hear.

The door opened slightly, revealing a young girl.

“Yes?” I asked, confused as I’ve never met her before.

“Junhyung sshi, there’s someone downstairs looking for you.” She said.

“Looking for me? Any idea who?” I asked.

“He seemed pretty worked up and he demanded your presence. When we asked for his name, he told you to erm.. just get the … down.” She mumbled.

“Get the what down?” I asked, putting my pen down.

“The down.” She said softly.

I laughed and thanked her before heading out.

When I arrived at the lobby, I saw a man standing with his arms crossed looking at me angrily. He looked familiar, but who is he? I walked closer, taking a closer look at him.

“Big shot~ Finally down?” He said sarcastically.

“Why? Don’t recognize me? Should I give you a hand in remembering!?” He yelled, loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Jace.” I mumbled.

“Good! Seems like you really didn’t forget everything, eh? All except Haneul.” He said, sarcasm dripping in his tone. 

“Let’s talk upstairs.” I said.

“We can talk here.” He said dangerously.

“Please Jace.” I mumbled.

He glared at me before following me.

If Jace is here, that means he's here for Haneul. That means he knows where Haneul is? That means, I have hope?

I took him to an empty room and let him in.

“Jace.” I called out.

Without warning, he turned around and gave me a hard kick on my chest. I stumbled back, falling onto the ground.

“You’re the biggest jerk I’ve ever met. Seriously!” He shouted.

“I know what I did to her was just downright mean! But… At that point of time… I just couldn’t register anything! I… I’m so sorry! Do you know where is she?! I need to talk to her!” I begged.

“TALK TO HER!? YOU STILL WANT TO TALK TO HER!?” He grabbed me by my collar.

“I don’t know if you remember, but I told you, if you hurt her, I’ll personally murder you.” He glared hard at me.

“I’m sorry.” I said.

What else could I say apart from I am sorry?

“YOU DROVE THE WORLD’S MOST OPTIMISTIC GIRL TO SUICIDE AND ALL YOU SAID IS I AM SORRY!?” He shouted into my face.

What did he just say? Suicide? Who? Haneul?

“W… what?” I stuttered.

“WHAT!? WHAT!? DID YOU JUST SAY ‘WHAT’!?” He shouted, punching me on my face.

“WAIT WAIT!!!! WHAT HAPPENED!?” I yelled.

My heart raced so quickly I thought it was going to go haywire and just abruptly stop. Everything was so difficult to digest.

“YOU DROVE HER TO SUICIDE!!! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD GUY!! BUT YOU WERE JUST A JERK!! HOW DARE YOU HURT HER WITH THOSE WORDS!? HOW DARE YOU KISS ANOTHER GIRL IN FRONT OF HER!? HOW DARE YOU! AFTER ALL SHE DID FOR YOU! IS THIS HOW YOU REPAY HER!? YONG JUNHYUNG!!!” He yelled so much his entire face was red and his eyes were bloodshot.

“If I could, I would take a knife and cut off your tongue and your lips. But on second thought, why should I? You ought to feel guilty for the rest of your life. I hope that the next time you kiss or hug another girl, the image of Haneul lying lifelessly would appear in your head. I hope guilt would eat you alive for the rest of your life. I hope you’ll never eat or sleep well again. I hope you’ll wake up every morning wishing you were dead. Yes I am mean. I am really evil. But you deserve it, Yong Junhyung. You deserve everything, but happiness.” He said, pushing me hard onto the ground.

I looked at him blankly, trying to digest whatever he just said.

“Come to think of it, I am at fault too. I should have never trusted Haneul with you. I should have just forced her back when she cried to me complaining how tough life is here, with no friends and all. I should have. I shouldn’t have pushed her to be with you. I practically pushed her into this situation.” He said, tears staining his face.

“Haneul…” I mumbled, but he kicked me in my stomach.

“Don’t you dare call her name with that filthy mouth of yours.” He warned.

“Where is she? Please tell me!” I begged him.

He headed for the door, ignoring me.

“PLEASE!!!” I hugged his leg.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” He shouted, kicking me again, but my grip on him did not loosen.

“JUST TELL ME WHERE IS SHE!!” I cried.

“She’s not dead, right!? She’s not! Tell me she’s not!!” I begged.

“YOU KILLED HER !!!” He yelled, kicking me away.

I fell back onto the cold hard floor.

“Remember, it is you. You are a murderer.” He said before heading out.

I lied on the floor, his words replaying in my head.

Haneul is dead? Haneul committed suicide? I am the cause of it? I killed her? Is this what he is saying? But how could it be? Haneul would never do such a thing. She… She is a very positive girl. She would never think of suicide. Never. But how… But why…?

“JUNHYUNG! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!?” I heard Yoseob shout.

“Seob ah~” I opened my eyes to meet with his worried gaze.

“What happened!? Who did this to you!?” He supported me in his arms.

“Seob…” I cried.

“What happened!?” He shook me slightly.

“Seob… I am a murderer.” I cried.

“What?” He asked, confused.

“She’s dead… Seob ah… She’s dead and it’s my fault.” I cried.

“Who is dead!? Junhyung! Talk properly!” He yelled.

“Haneul!!! HANEUL COMMITED SUICIDE AND IT’S ALL MY FAULT!!!” I shouted.

“What?” He dropped me, backing away.

“I killed her, Seob ah! I killed her!” I knelt down, crying into my palms.

“It’s not true right? Junhyung? It’s wrong information, right?” He asked,

I shook my head.

“Seob…. Call the police…. Arrest me… I need to be in jail for the rest of my life… Seob… Please…” I cried, banging my head against the ground.

“It’s not possible. Haneul wouldn’t commit suicide. It’s not possible.” He mumbled.

I could only cry, not knowing how to answer him.

“WHO TOLD YOU!?” He shouted suddenly, grabbing me roughly.

“Jace.” I mumbled.

“WHO THE IS JACE!?” He screamed.

“Haneul’s… best friend.” I said.

“Where is he now!?” He yelled.

“Left.” I said.

“IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!” Yoseob suddenly shouted.

“HANEUL IS THE NICEST GIRL I’VE EVER MET! SHE LOVED YOU SO MUCH! SHE ACCEPTED YOU, JUNHYUNG! AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!? YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE DEAD, NOT HER!” He screamed, pushing me against the wall.

He stared at me with red eyes, lips trembling. I looked at him tiredly. I felt so drained, as thou I could pass out any moment from now.

“I’m sorry.” I said softly.

He let go of me. I didn’t have any energy to stand, so I let myself slide onto the ground. I watch blankly as Yoseob left the room. His words were so true it hurts. He is right. What did I do to her? I should be the one dead, not her.