Junhyung’s POV

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!? YOU STUPID GIRL!!” I yelled.

“Why? Is this not enough!? LET’S HAVE THEN! In the car or what!” She yelled, pulling off her jacket.

Our eyes widened. I grabbed her hands to stop her, but she kept struggling.

“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING!? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?” I yelled, wrestling with her.

“YES YES YES!!!!! I AM OUT OF MY MIND BECAUSE YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME! YOU DON’T GET ME! I WANT TO PROVE IT TO YOU!!! I…” She kept quiet when I raised my hand.

“Are you going to slap me again? Why did I do wrong? Why do I keep getting slapped?” Her expression changed from a fierce lion to a pitiful, pouting, sobbing bunny.

 I looked at her, not knowing what to say. How can I slap that face? It’s like kicking a lost puppy.

“But can you not use so much strength? And can you slap the other side? This side still hurts.” She pouted.

She turned the other side of her cheek to face me and then she closed her eyes, as thou bracing herself.

I stared blankly at her, and then I let go of her. The others were trying to suppress their laughter.

She opened her eyes slightly, and then looked around.

“Are you going to slap me?” She asked, still pouting.

“No. How can I slap you when you’re looking like that?” I said, pulling her into my embrace.

“Does it hurt a lot? Hmm?” I asked, touching her cheek lightly.

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” I said.

“Let’s get the both of you back to the hospital to have your wounds treated.” Seungho hyung sighed.

“I don’t want to go.” Haneul whined, tugging onto my arm.

I raised my hand to push her hair out of but she moved away as thou afraid I would slap her again. Her actions hurt me, and it hurt even more knowing it was my fault that she got afraid.

“I was just going to push your hair out of your mouth.” I said.

She looked down, still pouting. Pouting was like her permanent expression now. She looked cute, but with those teary eyes, it becomes hurting.

“Be a good girl, come on.” I said, holding her hand, leading her back to the car.

On the way to the hospital, she fell asleep on my shoulder.

“Are you feeling okay?” Doojoon asked me.

“Yea. I am sorry for causing so much trouble.” I said.

“As long as you’re safe.” He smiled.

“But that was quite a drama.” Seungho hyung said with a slight giggle.

“Hyung, don’t laugh.” I kicked his seat.

“Well, at least we all know what marriage actually means.” Yoseob said.

I sighed and looked at the sleeping Haneul. opened slightly. She looked like she was chewing on air.

“Anyone has biscuits or something?” I asked.

“Why? Are you hungry?” Hyunseung asked, looking around.

We always have tidbits in the van.

“Here.” He said, handing me a box of biscuit.

“I can’t.. exactly open it with one hand..” I said.

“Oh~ Hee..” He tore open the packaging and handed me a biscuit.

I put the biscuit at Haneul’s mouth.

“Hyung, don’t like that. You’re so mean.” Dongwoon said.

“I am not teasing her. She is hungry and I am just feeding her. She’ll eat, you just watch.” I said.

Their eyes widened dramatically when Hanuel actually ate the biscuit in her sleep.

“What is she? A hamster?” Yoseob asked in surprised.

“Mix breed of a bunny and a lion.” I said, feeding her more.

“Let me try!” He said excitedly.

I pushed him away with my elbow.

“What do you think she is? Some animal from the zoo you can just feed?” I said.

“Ouhh..” He pouted.

Haneul’s POV

I opened my eyes to find myself in a totally different environment. I was in the bookstore. What was I doing here? Or rather, how did I get here? I looked around for Junhyung but he wasn’t around. My hand was bandaged and I had a plaster on my upper forearm. I was feeling dizzy but I couldn’t sleep anymore.

I opened the door of the basement and I smelt food.

“Junroro~” I called out.

“HERE!” I heard him yell.

I walked to where he was and sat down. He was cooking something. I never knew we could cook in the bookstore.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, handing me a bottle of water.

“I don’t know.” I mumbled.

“Must be the hunger.” He laughed.

“Just awhile more and food will be ready.” He said.

“What are you cooking?” I asked.

“Food that you would eat.” He said.

“I eat anything.” I said.

“Yea right.” He laughed.

“Idiot.” I mumbled, resting my head on the table.

“Is your head spinning?” He asked.

I did not answer him.

“That’s what you get for not eating for the whole day.” He said.

“And who’s fault was that?” I said.

“I’m sorry. Would you accept my apology?” He asked, putting a plate of prawn aglio olio in front of me.

“WAH!” I smiled at the food.

“See how fast you change.” He laughed.

He handed me the fork before sitting down in front of me.

“Shall we eat?” He asked.

I nodded.

I saw his hand bandaged as well.

“It wasn't in my plan to get you hurt.” I said.

“I know. It’s okay. It’s just a small cut, and it’s my left hand, so it’s fine.” He smiled.

“But I mean everything I said and I don’t regret my actions.” I said.

He looked up at me.

“Why are you always so reckless?” He asked.

“I wasn’t being reckless.” I said.

“Then what was it?” He asked.

“Love.” I said.

“Wow! But have you thought from my point of view?” He asked.

“What if I get infected? And because of what you did just now, you get infected too?” He asked.

“Then we’ll get infected together.” I said.

“DO YOU THINK I CAN LIVE WITH THAT GUILT!? DO YOU THINK I STILL CAN SMILE AT YOU AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR ACTIONS!? DO YOU THINK I WANT TO SEE YOU DIE TOGETHER WITH ME!?” He yelled, slamming the fork onto the table.

“You said it before, didn’t you? If you’re going to die, you’re going to die anyway, no matter what. If you’re not going to die, you’re not going to die, no matter what. If I am going to have to die soon, whether I get infected or not, I would still die. I may choke on this prawn and die now, if I am set to die today.” I said.

Junhyung’s POV

Great, now she is using it back on me.

“You said I am reckless. Then weren’t you actions back in Kenya as reckless? If you did not pop out like some ninja to shield me, none of this would have happened. I would be the one at risk and you would be free from guilt.” She said.

“It was a natural response because I love you!” I yelled.

“AND I LOVE YOU TOO! ! ARE YOU BLIND!? YOU CAN’T SEE IS IT!? ARE YOU DEAF!? YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME IS IT!? Is my explanation of the marriage vow, my proposal to you in which you flatly rejected me in front of everyone and the fact I don’t mind dying with you not enough to prove to you that I love you and I don’t mind even if you die tomorrow or we get infected tomorrow or that you become a goldfish or whatnot!?” She shouted.

She pushed our plates away and climbed onto the table. She grabbed my collar and stared hard at me

“Call me stupid, call me dumb, call me reckless, or whatever mean names you can think of to describe someone like me. But before you say those to me, sit down and think with whatever brain substance you have left in that skull of yours, would you do the same if we switched position? If your answer is no, fine, then I am just a reckless who has nothing better to play with in life therefore I am toying with death. If your answer is yes, then shut your ing mouth and finish your food because you have no rights whatsoever to reprimand me for something you would do as well! If I am a reckless , you are a reckless too! And you talk about guilt!? AM I NOT GUILTY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!? IS IT NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU’RE IN THIS FREAKING STATE TODAY!? AND SO LET ME ASK YOU TOO, DO YOU THINK I CAN LIVE WITH THIS GUILT IF YOU DIE!? DO YOU THINK I CAN STILL SMILE AT YOU AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR ACTIONS IF YOU GET INFECTED!?” She yelled into my face.

She let go of me roughly and jumped off the table.

“Oh be careful.” I mumbled, arm stretched out, ready to catch her if she fell.

“WHY DO YOU CARE!?” She smacked my hand away and stomped off, throwing herself onto the sofa

I went to her with the plate of food in my hand. I sat beside her and took a peek at her. Her cheeks were puffed up in anger, her lips pouted. I put the plate of food down and poked her arm.

“Haneul ah~” I called out.

She ignored me.

“Haneul~~” I called out, poking her arm even more. She punched my thigh non stop.

“Ouch ouch ouch! Stop stop stop!” I begged but she kept punching me

I grabbed her hand but she used her other hand to punch me instead.

“I’m a reckless !” I said, sticking my face into hers.

She was shocked for a second and then she started giggling.

“I am a reckless , okay? We are both stupid, reckless s.” I said, holding onto both her hands.

“So are we getting married?” She asked.

I froze for a second.

“Haneul~” I pouted.

“Okay, okay. I get it, I get it. You and your stupid ego and what nonsensical pride and the bloody uncertain HIV virus and what commitment and empty promises and ‘I don’t want to ruin you’ and mmpfff!!!” I crashed my lips against hers to stop her from blabbering on.

Well, this is the only way to shut her up.

Our tongues fought for dominance in which I gladly let her have it. On the outside, I am pretty sure we look like we’re going to eat each other up, but to us, this kiss was much needed. This kiss is desperate. We’re desperate to feel each other again. We broke apart, panting for air. I kissed her on her lips, the tip of her nose, her forehead and both side of her cheeks.

“Can we eat? I’ll feed you?” I said.

She nodded, resting her head on my shoulder with open wide.

“Do you know that you eat in your sleep?” I said, feeding her a spoonful of the noodles.

“How is it possible~” She said with full.

“I don’t know. You should be asking yourself this question. I fed you countless times in your sleep because you were chewing on air. You looked so pitiful and hungry.” I laughed as I recall her hungry expression.

“Are you serious?” She looked at me.

“Yea. I fed you just now in the van too. You can ask the other boys. They were so amazed how you did not choke. I was amazed too~ But now, it’s normal. Ahh~” I said, gesturing her to open .

“Why am I such a glutton!?” She covered her face.

“Hahaha! Other days I don’t know. Maybe you were dreaming of food. But today I know why.” I said, wiping .

“Why?” She asked.

“Because you were really hungry.” I said.

After food, I lied on her lap while she played with my fingers.

“Are you officially discharged or are you just sneaking out again?” She asked, feeling my forehead.

“Of course I am officially discharged. I should have snuck out earlier. Staying in the hospital just made me feel worse. The fresh air outside cured me. No fever, right?” I said.

“Yea, yea, whatever.” She poked my nose.

Haneul’s POV

I liked having him lie on my lap like this. It just felt very nice and very right.

“Just now while you were talking about the marriage vow…” I covered his mouth to stop him from talking.

“Don’t you dare mention the words marriage vow. You embarrassed me.” I .

He pouted.

“I just want to know why you suddenly had such great interest in something like that..” He mumbled.

“It’s Ahjumma..” I said.

“What?” He looked at me.

I told him Ahjumma’s story and what she told me.

“I see..” He mumbled.

I squashed his cheeks for the fun of it.

“Can I take a rubber band to hold your cheeks together like this? You look so cute like that.” I laughed.

His eyes widened, making him look even cuter.

“Ah and keep your eyes open that wide too! You look exactly like Junroro now!” I said.

“Stop making a fool out of me.” He said, with his cheeks still squashed by me.

We continued to talk about everything while I had fun squashing his cheeks.

He drove me back to the orphanage at about 3AM.

“Although you’re discharged, you still have to take extra care of yourself, okay?” I said.

“You too.” He said, getting out of the car.

“Don’t come out, it’s cold.” I said, but he did not bother about me.

He opened the door to the back seat and turned around with a bouquet of roses in his hands. He handed them to me with a smile.

I counted them. There were fifteen.

“So, what does fifteen mean?” I asked.

He gestured to the note that was sticking out. I pulled it out and read it.

’15 roses mean ‘I am sorry’. Lionny, I am sorry for all the mean words I said to hurt you, for the slap I gave you, for yelling at you, for not thinking for you, for all the worry I caused you, for the selfishness in me, for the stupidity in me, for being so blind and so deaf to your love and everything else that I did wrong to you. Would you be so big hearted to forgive this stupid, brainless, reckless goldfish look alike Junroro that you love so much?’

I laughed at the note.

“Will you?” He asked, pouting slightly.

“I don’t know.” I said, kissing him on his cheek before running back into the orphanage.

Junhyung’s POV

“You’re back~” Doojoon said with his eyes half opened.

“Yea. Why are you still in the living room? Go to sleep.” I said.

“I was waiting for you. Are you feeling okay? Are you still feeling sick?” He asked.

“I’m good, I’m good.” I said as I supported his weight back to the room.

“Shower and sleep okay.” He mumbled.

“Yes.” I said, covering the blanket over him.

“Don’t play with your iPad.” He said.

“I wouldn’t.” I said.

“And don’t keep texting with Haneul. Both of you need a lot of rest.” He said.

“Yes, yes. Sleep. Shh shh~” I said, patting his chest lightly.

“Be careful of your wound when you shower.. Don’t wet it. It’ll be painful.. and infected.. and zzzzz~” I laughed when he started snoring.

“Yea, yea. My cut will start snoring.” I shook my head as I went to take a quick shower.

I texted Haneul before that to let her know I was back and also to tell her not to wet her wound. That absentminded girl would just shower and then whine when her wound sting because of the water, but then again, I think she would have showered already. Let’s just hope I am not right about her.

I lied down in bed after the nice shower. I took my phone. There were three replies from her.

‘Forgive you? I don’t think I so.’

I sat up instantly. My heart beating so wildly, my hands trembling as I opened the next message. How could this be? We were okay just now!

‘Because… How is it possible to forgive you when I was never angry with you to start with? (¬_¬) But you’re still a stupid, reckless, brainless goldfish look alike Junroro (#^.^#)’

This girl just knows how to toy with my emotions.

‘I can’t sleep! I can’t stop laughing because I can totally picture your shocked expression! I shocked you, right right right right right!? Hehehe~ okaygoodnightyoustupid!(-_-)zzz’

I was about to text her when another message came in.

‘Are you asleep already? Or are you angry? (T ^ T)No no no~ You’re not a stupid . You’re Junroro~ My extremely cute Junroro~ Awww where are you? Don’t ignore me!! Ppuing ppuing!! (OvO)’

“HAHA!” I laughed out loud. I hid under the blanket instantly, but luckily they were all in a deep sleep.

‘Tell me, you took lessons for aegyo, right?’ I replied.

‘WHAT LESSONS!!! I AM NATURALLY CUTE!! I just hide it because I don’t want people who think they are cute to be depressed after seeing my real self! I am doing them a favor! Wait, are you ignoring me on purpose so you can see me make a fool out of myself’

‘NO! I was about to reply and then you got impatient and scared and aww so sweet with all the icons and ppuing ppuing. You’re too cute, I must set a rule. You can only aegyo to me and me and me and me ONLY!!!! Or else I’ll breathe fire! RAWR!!’ I replied.

‘That’s cool! I want to see you breathe fire! I shall go aegyo to every single man I see tomorrow yay! (^_−)−☆’

‘Don’t you dare!!! But wait, come to think of it… Sure, go ahead, IF you have the guts to~ :P’ I replied

‘Oh, are you daring me now’

‘No. I’m sorry. How would I dare? ><’ I replied.

‘HMPH! I’m sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy… Can we sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep? Aren’t you sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy toooooooooooooooooo?’

‘Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookay liooooooooooooooooooonny. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep well and I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVEEEE you!!’ I replied.

‘ME 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10!!!’

’Me 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30’ I replied.

I knew she was asleep when she did not reply me, but I continued to spam her with numbers and nonsensical words until I fell asleep myself.

It has been a long, long, long day for all of us, especially her. It took me long enough, but now I see how much I actually meant to Haneul. It is definitely more than what I thought I mean to her.

And then I suddenly recall what Haneul told me before when I asked her to grow up and start thinking from an adult point of view. We argued about many things, especially my work. Not that she is angry I don’t have enough time for her, she gets even angrier when I do not dare to express myself enough, when I do not dare to go take the extra step to do solo work because I am afraid of failing.

‘Why do we have to think so much? It’s not like it is going to cost us our life or anything like that if we fail? How many lives do you live? If you keep thinking about the consequences before you doing anything, then you’re never going to get anything done, because everything comes with a negative consequence. Even breathing. I may breathe in too much dust and get asthma, so am I going to stop breathing? And how am I not grown up? Just because I behave like a three year old? Growing up doesn’t mean you should leave the child in you behind and just walk out of it. Growing up means being able to act appropriately like an adult but at the same time have the same innocence as a child. Have you never heard of it before? Never lose the child in you, because that is the purest and most innocent you. Sometimes we just got to quit being an adult and act like a child, and then perhaps we would find the guts to do so many things our adult self is afraid to do. In the midst of this realistic, chaotic, ty adulthood, perhaps we would be able to find some happiness if we let the child in us out. If you’re so afraid of failing, then I suggest you quit being a rapper and just go work a stable 9-5 job for the rest of your life.’

And then she just walked off, leaving me to stand there, as always. Her words always has an impact on me, somehow or another, whether she made sense or not, although she always claim that she did, just that I cannot understand.

But whatever it is, I guess today at the riverside, it was the child in her that made her propose to me, cut her palm and mine just to get our bloods mixed, and even yell that we might as well have in front of so many guys, and still smile despite being embarrassed.

Given the adult Haneul, maybe it would not have happened. Maybe it would? Who knows? She is so unpredictable.

I am not a religious person, but I really believe that Haneul is here to unleash the child in me, to make me a more daring person. Her words may be harsh and she can be very fierce, but I don’t deny that she is really good with her words, maybe that is why she is always getting what she want. Firstly, she can make one speechless, and secondly, she has the guts.

Haneul is not perfect, but she is perfect for me. I wonder if she knows. 

***
Junhyung when Haneul yelled at him at the dining table

Junhyung poking Haneul

And then he got punched hee~

Junhyung: I am a reckless !