Haneul’s POV

We walked back to the bookstore, holding one side of the duck’s hand each. It dangled in the air in between us as we walked. Junhyung kept smiling and giggling to himself to the point it was hard to ignore.

“Stop it!” I laughed as well.

“What?” He laughed.

“Stop giggling like this! It’s creepy!” I said.

“I’m happy!” He said.

“Whatever.” I said, smiling to myself as well.

We arrived at the bookstore, I saw half the shutter open and the lights on. I looked at him and he looked back.

“What?” He asked.

“Who’s in there?” I said.

He looked at the bookstore and then covered his mouth.

“I left it open.” He said.

“You’re so dead.” I said.

He pushed up the shutter and sighed in relieve when he saw everything still in place. He turned back to me and smiled.

“I’m so…” I cut him off by kissing him on his cheek.

“Happy Birthday.” I said.

It was still half an hour to the end of his birthday. He cupped the side of his cheek that I kissed and blushed.

“Do you know this is my best birthday ever?” He said.

“Really?” I said.

He nodded.

“I’m glad.” I said, walking pass him.

“I wish it would be my birthday everyday!” He said.

“So greedy!” I said.

“Oh, did the cake taste good?” I asked.

“What cake?” He said.

“The cake.” I said.

“The coke can!? It was from you!?” He beamed.

“Who did you think it was from?” I said, pulling him into the basement.

“No idea.” He mumbled.

“Lie down.” I said after spreading out the cushions and blanket.

“Why?” He asked.

“Time to sleep.” I said.

“Sleep!? No! I don’t want to!” He whined.

“Don’t behave like five years old. Lie down now.” I said.

“But I don’t want to sleep.” He mumbled, but still lied down.

“If you keep losing sleep, you’ll end up looking like 35 years old instead of 22.” I said.

“23.” He corrected.

“Whatever. To me, it’s 22.” I said.

“And my point is, sleep!” I said, covering his eyes.

He pulled my hand away and looked up at me.

“All these are real, right?” He asked.

I pinched his cheeks hard until they were red. He whined and kicked the air, trying to pull my hands off.

“What was that for!?” He had tears in his eyes.

“To prove to you that it’s real.” I said, smiling.

He frowned and rubbed his cheeks.

“Okay, sorry.” I caressed his cheeks lightly.

“Sleep okay?” I said, standing up.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“Outside?” I said.

“Aren’t you going to stay with me?” He said.

“You wouldn’t sleep if I’m here.” I said.

“I can’t sleep if you aren’t here.” He said.

“Fine. But I’ll get my book." I said.

"Thank you for everything. This is really my best birthday ever." He said, smiling at me.

"You better be asleep when I am back.” I smiled.

I grabbed my book from the counter and headed back down to the basement. The fact he was already asleep just shows how tired he actually is.

“So sorry.” I mumbled, touching his cheeks. They were really red. I used too much strength.

I covered the blanket over him before going to the corner. I made myself comfortable and watched him from the side. It reminded me of the time he had a fever, I was in the same position, watching him sleep. I opened the book to the page I stopped and an envelope fell out. It was addressed to me. I left my book aside and opened the envelope. I pulled out the folded paper inside and read the contents.

My Friend,

As much as I wish I can call you mine I don’t think I would have the chance to. The fact you still hadn’t come back, I guess I know your answer already. I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but if you do, then most probably I am not around anymore. Not that I have died or anything, just that, I have decided to stop bugging you. I don’t hate you, of course I don’t. I love you too much to actually hate you. I hate myself thou, for not being strong enough to hold you back, not being strong enough to wait for you to return.

I thought I could hold on, but I realize I can’t. I am weak, I know. That’s exactly why I don’t deserve you. This period of time, I have done lots of thinking myself. Why did you leave me? Why did you not even agree to be with me? Why did you rejected being my friend at first? I guess the problem lies with me. I am just simply not strong enough to be anyone’s pillar of strength. But I miss you, I really do. It’s so painful without you. Every night when I walk into the bookstore, I wish you would be there. Maybe if I hadn’t confessed, things would be different? I am sorry for rushing things. I am sorry for breaking our promise. I should have waited, should I? I know you have your reasons for rejecting me. I was insensitive to your feelings, I am sorry.

This would be the last time I’m coming here, but that doesn’t mean I want to forget you. Just that, I was thinking, maybe you are already back, but the fact you see me here every day, you don’t wish to return. Everything is just empty without you. I’ll miss the times we spent together. I’m lonely without you, I really am. I still make two cups of tea whenever I come here, despite one cup always goes down the sink. I still buy two portions of meals when I come; despite one portion always goes into the bin. I still prepare your blanket for you, despite knowing you’ll not be here to use it.

Haneul ah, can I call you that? For one last time, let me call you that, okay? I wasn’t kidding or lying when I said I love you and I needed you. This period of time made things even clearer for me. I really needed you in my life. But I wouldn’t force you. I just thought you should know that not all Korean men are jerks. I love you, and that’s real. I didn’t think that just because I am a celebrity, I could get whatever I want. Neither have I thought of toying with your feelings. I would never do such things.

Haneul ah, I can’t have you, but that doesn’t mean I want to see you miserable. Don’t hide your feelings. Find someone whom you really love and really love you. It’ll be better if he loves you more than you love him. Don’t ask me why, because if I were your boyfriend, I would make sure I love you more than you love me. Find someone who can make you smile permanently. Find someone who would endure your temper and tantrums. Find someone who would risk his life for you. Find someone who would worry for you 24/7. I don’t want you to be alone. I don’t want no one to be there for you when you cry. I wish I could be there for you but I know I am not the one for you.I know you hate this place, you hate my nationality, but I still hope you would find your happiness because you deserve to be happy. You really do.

They say love is when you are happy for that person even thou you aren’t the reason behind his/her smile. I don’t know if I would be able to smile, but I would try my very best to. Haneul ah, find someone else and be happy. You have my blessings. I’m sincere. I wouldn’t ask for you to remember me, but I would remember you forever. You would always be Yong Junhyung’s most precious friend. Actually, I would like for you to forget the fact I existed in your life. I was an irritating part of your life, wasn’t I?

And if it’s not too much, I hope you would promise me one last thing; You are beautiful. You look even better with a smile. Never let that smile fade away. Never let anyone take away your rights to be happy. Please be happy. Please be really, really happy.

Love,
Your friend; Junhyung

P.S I’ll take Duckie with me, okay? I know I bought it for you, but it holds our memories together.

I put the letter aside and looked at Junhyung who was in a really deep sleep. I literally felt the pang in my heart. I saw how depressed he was, but I never expected him to be that depressed, and, I never expected him to love me so much. I really never did.

I snuggled close to him and held onto his hand tight.

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered, touching his face lightly.

“I’m the insensitive one. I am the insecure one. I am the dumb one. I am the irritating one.” I whispered.

Jace is right. I am indeed blind. I indeed deserved to be splash in the face with hot soup. How could I not see his sincere heart? How could I even doubt his feelings for me? Just how much pain did I inflict on him unknowingly? How much did he endure without making a sound? It must have been so tough on him. If I didn’t return today, I would lose my chance forever. I am so stupid, yet lucky at the same time.

“Don’t love me more than I love you. Love is supposed to be mutual. No one should be giving or taking more. For as long as we could last, we’ll make ‘us’ last, okay?” I said, planting a soft kiss on his forehead.

I tapped the tip of his nose with the Duckie. He wrinkled his nose a little and rubbed his face against my shoulder. How cute, my Junhyung.

***

Adorable like asdfghjkl right! So he does have a thing with Donald Duck!