Haneul’s POV

It’s been a little more than a month since Junhyung lost his memory about me. He came to the bookstore every night still, but I could tell he was losing interest in knowing about us, so was I tired of telling him stuff.

Every day I wish he would step into the bookstore and tell me ‘Darling, I remember.’ But that doesn’t mean I am going to give up thou. He tells me stuff he finds familiar, so I guess, he was making slight progress but just really slowly? Or am I just convincing myself that everything is fine?

I sat in the bookstore alone, looking through our past photos, reminiscing on my own. We were so happy, why didn’t I seem to realize how special the both of us were in the past? For some reason, looking at the photos now and looking at these photos in the past, there is something different. I guess it’s the longing to feel the happiness again.

“You can’t be greedy. You can’t force him.” I mumbled to myself, slapping my cheek lightly.

The both of us now were like how when we just met, just that our positions had switched. In the past, it was him longing for me, but now I am the one longing for him. Now I know how painful and annoying it is to have something you desire so much right in front of you but you cannot get it. He didn’t choose for this to happen, but I deliberately not let him have me in the past. How evil was I.

I looked up at the clock, it was 12.30AM. Usually he would come at around 12AM, on the days he would be late, he would text me to let me know, but I received nothing from him today.

“Maybe they ended practice late.” I told myself.

I busied myself in the bookstore, arranging the books and cleaning up the place. I prevented myself from looking at the time because I didn’t want to feel disappointed, but deep down inside me, I knew hours had passed and he’s still not here.

Soon, disappointed turned into worry. Where was he? Was he okay? Did something happen? If he’s not coming, it’s okay, but at least let me know. Did he happen to fall asleep? Or did he forget? But how could someone forget what they have been doing daily? But then again, he forgot me; we were together more almost a year, what else could not happen? Stupid me.

I checked my phone. There were no messages or missed calls. It was 3AM now.

I punched in his number. I had my thumb on the ‘call’ button, but I was contemplating. Junhyung now and Junhyung in the past wasn’t the same anymore. He shows his frustration when I try to pry more into his matters. Since he doesn’t like it, I stopped asking altogether. Laugh at me, but I am scared of losing him now. I am really scared.

“I’m just being concerned, right?” I convinced myself.

I hit the ‘call’ button. My heart raced as the caller tone rang. I don’t know why I was feeling like this. I guess I was afraid of what I would hear on the other line. As I said, the Junhyung now and the Junhyung then is different. I kind of felt relieved when he did not pick up the call, but at the same time, I felt worried. How complicated my feelings at the moment were.

I called him a few more times, but there were still no answer. Where the hell could he be?

“Hello?” A sleepy voice answered.

“Doojoon? I’m sorry to wake you.” I said.

“Mmm? Who is … Oh, Haneul. Yea~ What is it?” He asked as he cleared his throat.

“Erm… You guys are back at the dorm already?” I asked.

“Yea we are. Since about four hours ago. Why? You need something?” He asked.

“Ahh no~ I was just wondering where Junhyung was. But since you guys are back, then it’s fine. At least he’s safe. Sorry to disturb your sleep.” I said.

“Junhyung’s not with us.” He said.

“What?” I asked.

“Junhyung is not with us. He went to the bookstore.” He said.

“He told you he was going to the bookstore?” I asked.

“Yea. He never follows us back. He heads to the bookstore on his own. You guys meet up every night, don’t you?” He said.

“Yea, we do.” I mumbled.

“Is everything okay? Is he not with you?” He asked.

“Ahh no, everything’s fine. I’m sure he just went somewhere to buy food or what. He always do. Sorry to disturb you, go back to sleep yea. Good night. Sleep well.” I lied.

“Alright, call me if he doesn’t appear okay?” He said.

“I will. Good night.” I hung up the call.

I didn’t mean to lie to Doojoon, but I don’t see a need to worry the leader. He has enough things on his shoulder to bear.

I grabbed my stuff and locked up the bookstore. I walked the streets, calling him on his phone as well as looking around for him. After calling for countless times, the call got through.

“Hello!?” I yelled.

There was no answer except for noises.

“Junhyung!?” I shouted.

I heard loud music and laughter in the background.

“Junhyung?” I called out again.

I heard something like a crash, as thou he dropped the phone onto the floor, and then the line went dead. Was he in some sort of club? If he is in a club, then there would only be one around this area.

“Junhyung never clubs.” I mumbled to myself.

I contemplated with myself for quite awhile, not knowing if I should go there or not. I was afraid I would see things I don’t want to see, yet at the same time my heart is going crazy with worry. I sighed and turned towards the route heading for the club. As I walked, my heart raced, and I prayed I would not find him there.

I arrived at the club faster than I thought I would. I stood outside for quite some time.

“YAH! If you’re not going in, don’t stand here like this!” One girl shouted as she pushed passed me.

There were so much space around, yet she had to bang into me. But then, she obviously wasn’t sober, so forget it.

I shook the negative thoughts out of my head and stepped into the club. I hated this kind of places; drunk people, horribly loud noises I can’t even call them music, strangers making out on almost every couch. What kind of night life is this? I call this a wasted life.

I walked around the club, making myself look as uninterested as possible.

“Hey girl, you alone?” A drunkard asked, touching my cheek.

“No. Can’t you see my friend?” I said.

“Aeee~ You’re a cheeky one.” He laughed.

“What makes you think I am kidding? Don’t you see my friend glaring at you?” I said, looking to my left, which was indeed an empty spot.

I pretended to link arms with ‘my friend’. The drunkard flinched and ran off.

“You have the guts to hook on girls but don’t have the guts for imaginary friends. Lousy.” I mumbled.

I continued walking around the club. The more I saw, the more I convinced myself I hated this place. But that wasn’t my point there. My point was Junhyung.

“He isn’t here.” I told myself.

I couldn’t suppress my grin as I headed back out.

‘Maybe he went back to the recording studio, that’s why the loud music.’ I thought.

I decided I would just go home and send him a text message later on telling him that I was going home so he would not have to make a wasted trip to the bookstore. As I walked along the street, I passed by an alley. I quicken my pace when I saw from the corner of my eye a couple making out. I wasn’t interested in knowing what they were doing.

“Oppa~” I heard the girl whined.

I stopped at my tracks when I heard a familiar husky voice.

“It isn’t.” I told myself.

The husky voice started giggling, confirming my thoughts that the voice was indeed familiar.

I took two steps backwards and peeked into the alley.

I wanted to run away, I wanted to hide myself, but my legs wouldn’t allow me to. My hands were not cooperating too. I dropped my phone, causing a loud crash when it hit the concrete ground thanks to the dead silent surroundings.

“Oppa! Someone is staring at us~” The girl hissed.

“Mmm?” The voice mumbled as he turned.

Our eyes met. His jaws dropped, while my tears fell.