Junhyung’s POV

“Where are you going?” Haneul asked.

“Out.” I mumbled.

“Don’t walk. Take the car.” She said, throwing the keys to me.

I looked at the keys, then at her.

“You’ll get tired if you walk to wherever you’re heading.” She smiled.

I nodded, heading out. I drove myself to the hospital, with Haneul’s words still ringing in my head.

“Did you make an appointment?” The nurse at the counter asked.

“No.” I said.

“Erm… Then I am afraid you can’t…” She mumbled.

I glared at her.

“I’ll.. check.” She muttered under her breath.

I tapped my fingers impatiently on the countertop as she made the phone call.

“The doctor said to wait. He’ll attend to you after he is done with his remaining patients.” She said.

“How many?” I asked.

“How many what?” She asked.

“How many donkeys! Of course I’m talking about the patients!” I snapped. I didn’t mean it thou, it just came.

“Three.” She said calmly.

“Thank you.” I mumbled, walking off.

I settled myself in the couch at the corner, watching people busy themselves around.

“Junhyung?” I heard a voice called out.

I snapped out from my dazing self and looked up.

“Come, let’s talk inside.” The doctor smiled, gesturing me into his room.

“Sit.” He said as he settled himself down.

“Want a drink?” He asked.

I shook my head.

“Why are you here? Your appointment is not till two weeks later.” He said.

“What appointment?” I asked.

He looked at me, and then laughed.

“What is so funny?” I asked, trying to stay calm.

“I said you should have listened to me when you came last week. But you just spaced out, leaving all the listening to your fiancée.” He said.

“What are you talking about? It has been ages since I came here.” I said.

“Temporary memory loss, I guess it’s the result of shock.” He said simply.

“What shock? I don’t have any memory loss.” I said.

“Junhyung, are you okay?” He asked.

“How can I be okay when I wake up puking and then suddenly Haneul tells me I’m pregnant. It has always been her that is pregnant all along. How can it be me? I mean, does it even make sense? I can’t get pregnant! You said I wouldn’t! You said it’s just the period, but I wouldn’t get pregnant! What sort of freak am I turning into now!?” I yelled.

“Hey, hey! Calm down! Please. It’s not good for you, or your baby.” He said.

“THERE IS NO BABY IN ME!!!!” I shouted.

“Should I show you?” He asked.

“Show me what!?” I yelled.

“Stop yelling! Come.” He said, gesturing me out of his room.

I followed him down the corridor, up a few flights of stairs and then into a room.

“Lie there.” He said, pointing to the bed.

“I don’t want to.” I said, looking at the operating theater like room.

“Junhyung, you want proof, don’t you? I’m going to show it to you now.” He said.

“How? Are you going to cut me open?” I asked.

“Do I look insane to you?” He asked.

I nodded.

He sighed and put on his gloves. I lied on the bed anyway. He the machine beside me and sat down.

“It’s just going to be a little cold.” He said, pulling up my shirt.

I pulled my shirt back down, looking at him.

“Junhyung!” He snapped.

“You said you aren’t going to cut me up.” I said.

“What action of mine made you think I am going to cut you up? Do I look like I have anything sharp in my hand? Does my finger look sharp enough to pierce through your skin?” He asked, wiggling his finger in my face.

I shook my head, pulling my shirt back up for him.

“Now, don’t move.” He said, squeezing a cold gel-like substance on my stomach.

I shuddered a little due to the cold.

“There, there.” He mumbled to himself as he rolled a roller like thing over my stomach, as thou spreading the gel around my stomach.

“What are you doing?” I asked, confused.

“It’s called an ultra-scan, Junhyung. Don’t you ever go to school?” He asked.

“I did and I was bullied there, okay?” I said angrily.

He looked up, and then sighed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up those bad memories.” He said.

“It’s okay.” I mumbled.

“Ah here! Look!” He said, pointing to the screen.

I turned to the screen to look at what he is referring to.

“What?” I asked, staring at the black screen.

“Not very obvious yet, but in time to come you’ll be able to see his or her’s full form.” He said.

“What full form?” I asked.

“Your baby, Junhyung!” He said.

I turned over, wanting to get a closer look, almost falling off the bed if not because he caught me.

“Stop moving! If you fall, you are not the only one who is going to get hurt!” He scolded, pushing me to lie properly.

I looked at him, and then at the screen. He a switch and I could hear a faint sound that sounded like the heart beating, except that it was quite fast.

“Your baby’s heart beat.” He said.

I could not take my eyes of the screen. Is this really happening?

“How…” I mumbled, still not looking at him.

“I guess you were really not paying attention to me last week.” He sighed.

“Did I really come last week?” I asked.

“You did, with your fiancée. Her name is Haneul, right?” He said.

“How do you know her name?” I asked, surprised.

“I told you, you came with her last week.” She said.

“I did not.” I mumbled.

“You did. Maybe it is the shock. When your body goes into shock, it’ll automatically send signals to your brain to block out whatever that is scaring you in order to ‘protect’ you. It’s normal.” He said.

“Refresh my memory, then.” I said.

“Last week, you came here with your fiancée after experiencing bad stomach cramps. You kept vomiting and you couldn’t keep your food down at all. The moment you told me, I knew what was going on already.” He said.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re pregnant.” He said easily.

“How? You told me I couldn’t! You told me I am a guy, despite the period! What is this making me? And gosh where in the world is the baby? I don’t have a womb or something. How!?” I asked.

“I erm… I kept something from you, Junhyung.” He said.

“What did you keep from me?” I asked.

“You do have a womb.” He said.

I spit saliva all over his face. It wasn’t on purpose.

“Thanks.” He mumbled, wiping his face with a piece of tissue.

“What. The. . Did. You. Just. Say?” I asked.

“When you came here for the first time, I did a full body scan on you, I told you there was nothing wrong with you because I didn’t want to freak you out. You were so young. I didn’t think this would happen. But it did. You have a womb, and youcan get pregnant~” He said.

“Are you confessing that you lied to me for the past few years?” I asked.

“I’m sorry.” He said softly.

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!? YOU MADE ME THINK I AM NORMAL WHEN I KNOW I WASN’T! YOU KEPT TELLING ME IT’S OKAY IT’S NORMAL WHEN YOU KNEW I AM A FREAK AFTER ALL! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!? WAS IT FUN!? WATCHING A STUPID 18 YEAR OLD DECEIVE HIMSELF INTO THINKING HE IS NORMAL WHEN HE CLEARLY ISN’T!? YOU KNEW THE TRUTH ALL ALONG AND YOU HID IT FROM ME! HOW COULD YOU!? YOU EVEN STOPPED ME FROM DOING THE OPERATION! WHY!? DID YOU WANT TO TEST TO SEE IF I COULD GET PREGNANT!? AM I YOUR LAB MOUSE!?” I yelled, pushing him away and kicking whatever that was in my way.

“Stop it! Stop it! You can hate me but your baby is innocent!” He grabbed my arms tight.

“ YOU!!!” I yelled, kicking him in his groin.

“Ouch…..” He groaned, kneeling down, eyes squeezed shut.

I collapsed onto the floor, panting from the tantrum I just threw.

“Why did you have to lie?” I asked, hand unconsciously holding my stomach.

I groaned a little when I felt a slight pain in my stomach, but it went off quickly.

“I’m… sorry.” He mumbled, looking at me in pain.

I knew he was hurting a lot, but he deserves it. Still, I shouldn’t have done that.

“What is going to happen now?” I asked no one in particular.

“Take good care of yourself and your baby. You’ll be fine.” He said.

“How can I be fine? Excuse me, I am a pregnant man.” I said.

“It’s not even logical.” I mumbled.

“Not everything can be explained by a logic, Junhyung. Why is the Earth round? Can you answer that?” He asked.

I looked at him.

“There are some things that just do not have an explanation to it, yet. People said it couldn’t happen not because it really can’t happen but because it has never happened before. Not yet.” He said.

“And this, is one of it.” He said, pointing to my stomach.

I looked down at my stomach. I pressed my palm against myself. My once flabby stomach felt a little harder now.

“I know this is all new and shocking for you, but… I guess we just have to accept things the way they are. You’re special, Junhyung.” He continued.

“Yea, of course I’m special. I’m especially freakish.” I mumbled, getting up.

“Just because it is only happening to you doesn’t make you a freak!” He said.

I pointed my middle finger at him before walking off.

I went back to the car, sitting inside but not driving at all. I lifted my shirt a little, staring at my stomach.

“Are you really in there?” I asked.

A grumble in my stomach answered me.

“Ahh yea. You’re hungry? So am I.” I mumbled, starting the engine.

I parked my car at a lane and got out. I walked down the streets, looking for food to eat, but everything smelt bad, everything made me nauseous, even the food I used to love.

“You’re hungry but you’re doing this to me?” I held onto my stomach with one hand, covering my mouth and nose with another.

I hurried back to the car so as not to end up vomiting on the street.

“What exactly do you want?” I asked, rubbing my stomach to ease the discomfort.

I did not head back home just yet. I found myself in CUBE. I scanned my pass and headed up to Beast’s level.

“JUNJUNHYUNG!” A voice behind me yelled.

I turned around and was crush hugged by Yoseob.

“YOSEOB! Don’t do that!” Doojoon scolded, pulling Yoseob away from me.

“Hey, Jun. You feeling okay? Haneul said you were puking badly just now.” He smiled.

“I’m fine.” I said.

“It’s normal! It’ll pass, I think!” Yoseob smiled.

“What?” I asked.

“You have to be a good baby and don’t torture your daddy, okay? Uncle Yoseobie will love you wery wery much!” Yoseob said to my stomach.

I backed away, holding my stomach.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

Did they know already?

“Junhyung, relax. We know, remember? You and Haneul told us last week.” Doojoon said.

Yoseob pouted at me. My actions must have hurt him.

“Told you what?” I asked.

“That you’re pregnant. Almost two months now.” He said.

“When did I tell you guys anything like that!?” I yelled.

“I know it’s still difficult to accept. Honestly, we’re still adapting to it to, but it’ll be alright! You’re still our Junhyung!” He smiled, putting his arm over my shoulders.

“And you should really get more rest you know. You look like you have not eaten anything in a long time. You’re so pale and thin. How are you going to hold your baby for nine months with this frail body of yours?” He said, pulling me into the studio.

Why are they accepting everything so calmly? Am I the only one freaking out here?

“HYUNG!! SIT DOWN SIT DOWN!!” Dongwoon yelled, shoving a chair under my , forcing me to sit down.

I looked at him weirdly.

“Does this room still make you want to puke? Are you okay with the smell now?” He asked.

“We took away the air freshener and opened the windows instead. It should smell better now. Are you okay with it?” Hyunseung asked.

“What smell?” I asked.

“Ahh, that means it’s okay! Last week when you came here, you ran out vomiting like crazy.” Kikwang said.

“I came here last week? And you guys… know about me… being.. pregnant?” I asked.

“Yes, hyung. You came last week with Haneul. She accompanied you to the doctor because you were unwell, and then you found out you were actually two months pregnant. It was pretty shocking to hear at first, but I guess now it’s okay.” Dongwoon smiled.

“Who else knows?” I asked.

They looked at each other, and then back at me.

“MBLAQ knows. Our manager knows. Our CEO knows, and I heard Haneul’s parents and your parents know too. Pretty much everyone knew. I mean, you can’t hide for long, can you? Your tummy will grow.” Dongwoon said.

I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. How did everything happen without my knowledge? Is this really some sort of temporary memory loss?

“Are you okay!? Do you feel sick!? Huh? Junhyung!?” Doojoon shook me.

“Of course I feel sick. With everything happening, how comfortable can I get? you, I am pregnant. The gender on my birth certificate says male, but here am I, pregnant. Am I the only one not accepting this properly? Why do all of you seem so excited about it? Is it because it is something new and amusing? Am I putting on some sort of freak show for you?” I said, walking out of the room.

“HYUNG!!” “JUNHYUNG!!” I heard them call out, but I couldn’t be bothered.

I went back to the car. Just as I was about to drive off, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I clutched onto my stomach, trembling in pain.

“Ow… Don’t… Don’t do this…” I cried out in pain.

“I don’t hate… you.. Baby… Of course I don’t… I just.. I.. Ow…” I adjusted my seat backwards, rubbing my stomach to ease the pain.

“It’s just… everything is happening so quickly.. Everything is new… And I am alone.. I’m scared, do you get it? I am scared.” I cried, burying my face in my palms.

***

As the days pass, I seem to have come to terms with my pregnancy better, although I still lose my temper often and puking has seem to be part of my daily routine. Overall, I just feel sick. Haneul have been really patient with me, not yelling back when I yell at her for nothing, not forcing me when I refuse to eat, trying to cook or buy whatever food that my stomach would keep down. What the most is that now, Coke, especially, would cause me to puke twice as much as usual.

“I bought kimbap. Want to try?” Haneul asked, coming into the room with a plate in her hand.

She sat down beside me, feeling my forehead.

“No fever.” She mumbled.

“Eat one piece? At least?” She pleaded.

I opened my mouth, allowing her to feed me the piece of kimbap. I chewed a few times before swallowing. We both waited for that infamous reaction where by my stomach would twist in discomfort before my legs would send me sprinting into the toilet, puking my organs out.

But it surprisingly did not come.

We looked at each other in surprise.

“Another piece?” She asked.

I nodded.

I managed to finish the entire roll of kimbap without feeling uneasy. In fact, I quite like it.

“Baby likes kimbap, don’t you?” Haneul asked my tummy.

“I guess he or she does~” I smiled.

“I’m here with you, okay?” She hugged my waist, leaning against my chest.

I nodded.

“Come, get out of bed. You need to shower, smelly thing~” She poked my arm.

“I don’t want to.” I pouted.

I felt so weak all over that I could not bear to move an inch.

“You have to. You’ll feel better after the shower. I’ll go fill the tub with water and you can soak yourself in it okay? It’ll be comfortable.” She said.

“Are you going to shower with me, then?” I asked.

“You’re very , aren’t you!?” She laughed, walking out of the room.

I sighed, putting my hand on my stomach.

“You have to grow well~” I mumbled. 

***